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baby doesn't want helper! I am worried.

  1. #9
    cutebear is offline Registered User
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    Feb 2009
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    Cyberport, HK
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    19
    I want to think that he is just really smart already know who his parents are and just doesn't like the helper? Because he will play with her as long as I am holding him.

  2. #10
    peainpod is offline Registered User
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    Aug 2007
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    Mid Levels
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    I am experiencing a similar problem with my helper, in that my toddler (2 year old) is really not attached to her at all.

    I work part-time two days a week so while I am the one who spends the most time with my son, my helper still has one-on-one time with him two days a week to bond with him. Yet even after one year, I still see that she is not good with him. She is quite a low-energy person (even though i do all the night-time duty with him and she's never asked to do anything for him bet the hours of 9 pm and 7 am) and it is obvious she does not enjoy playing with him (and vice versa). I think in her own way, she is (tepidly) fond of my son but she can't seem to muster up the energy or enthusiasm to be with him (it is really obvious, even to friends who visit).

    My other prob is that her low energy (?) lack of enthusiasm(?) makes her quite slow to think and react and as a result, my son has sustained two serious incidents (one resulting in six stitches to his forehead) in the past year while in her care. She even told me once that she found taking care of my son "stressful" (even though she really only has to do it 2days a week!)

    After a lot of angst and soul-searching, I've decided to replace her as I really want to find someone who genuinely cares for and enjoys my son -and vice versa. Even though she is not primary caregiver, I still want to find someone who can bond well with my child.
    Last edited by peainpod; 03-03-2010 at 11:28 AM.

  3. #11
    slamdunk is offline Registered User
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    Apr 2006
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    Pokfulam
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    there is no need to jump to any conclusions on behaviour when you're not around, babies pick and choose who they bond with. my two (aged 3 and 1) have always blown hot and cold with daddy and with our second helper (who is energetic, caring and attentive to them, but doesn't do any night duties).

    like peainpod, you have to decide what you want and whether this lady meets those expectations. hard to say from just a few posts but I'm guessing she doesn't. there are lot of great helpers there and you sholdn't feel tied to who you have just because you might get someone worse (not that anyone can guarantee that won't happen unfortunately). it seems you treat her well and respect her with her time, space and workload so are totally delivering your side of the deal...

  4. #12
    baby09 is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Hong Kong
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    45
    install a webcam in the living room and baby room.
    I need to work but i also do the night shift as i want the helper to be well rested in the day time. You can call this no. to buy webcam. they will come and install it in the best position - 25551830. cost around 1,600 for one - no computer required.

  5. #13
    baby09 is offline Registered User
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    Feb 2009
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    Hong Kong
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    peainpod, i would have changed helpers in a flash if my child was involved in 2 accidents under her care - having someone who genuinely cares and loves your child is very important for a child's upbringing - just make sure you can speak to the new helper's employer first to make sure she has kids - younger helper will generally have more energy and enthusiasm. my 4mth old loves the maid to bits and i get abit jealous but at least it means she loves my baby which is more important.

  6. #14
    stsc is offline Registered User
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    Oct 2009
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    Happy Valley
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    It's not worth worrying about. You need to get another helper. Your baby is consistently fine going to others but not her, so trust him. It may be due to a myriad of things, innocent or not, but the only thing that matters is that the baby is safe and that you're satisfied with that. If something happens, you won't be able to forgive yourself. Paranoid? Maybe. But why take the risk?

    And when you get the new helper, you should make sure the workload is appropriate. Dealing with a baby is not rocket-science, but it is tiring. You can't expect a non-relative to treat a baby well if they're exhausted. I know I can be a danger to my kids when I'm exhausted. So if you want her to do part of the night, let her sleep in. Also, I know that lots of helpers don't feel like they're off-duty during the day and they can't really relax enough to get rested. So I've told mine that they are definitely off duty at certain hours and if for some reason they're needed, I would give them notice the day before. And I explain to them that I do this so they can get rested and be ready for when I need them. Of course, all this has to be laid out before you hire them and again on the start date.

    Good luck!

  7. #15
    vhylee is offline Registered User
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    Nov 2006
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    Tsuen Wan
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    5
    Same here... trust your baby's instincts. I was once at an agent waiting to pickup my new helper and another couple had exactly the same problem. The baby cried immediately the helper held him in her arms and stopped as soon as the mother or a stranger picked him up. Something very fishy!!! They later found out the helper sometimes would fall asleep on the sofa, not sure where the baby was at that time though. Also I have seen videos of Filipino maids dropping the baby very hard on the sofa is the baby keeps crying, afterwhich you cannot see any physical signs.

    I believe for the safety of your baby, get a replacement maid.

  8. #16
    zac08 is offline Registered User
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    Mar 2009
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    Clearwater Bay
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    i also have never asked my helper to take care of either of my two kids during the night, even when my husband is away for work. because i do go out sometimes during the day and need her to take care of one of them for me (i usually take one of them out and leave one behind), i know that she needs her energy in order to take care of my children during the day AND complete what she needs to do around the house. helpers are people too and waking up at 4am every day is exhausting. assuming she falls asleep no later than 10pm and assuming she sleeps soundly til 4am, that is really only 6 hours of sleep a day. i know i can go on 6 hours but after a few days of no more than 6 hours of sleep a day, i get pretty tired and irritable. and we mommies are sorta fueled by the some sort of adrenalin, aren't we, which keeps us going and gives us the energy to deal with our children in spite of sleep deprivation. your helper is NOT your child's mom and you shouldn't expect her to feel this same natural maternal energy.

    bottom line - don't expect any person to be a great caretaker for your kids if they don't get enough sleep. since you're a SAHM i would echo what has been said already - take care of your own child at night. but because your current helper is already not in your baby's good books, you probably should let her go and find a new lady who can have a fresh start with your little one.

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