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baby doesn't want helper! I am worried.

  1. #1
    cutebear is offline Registered User
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    baby doesn't want helper! I am worried.

    I might be too sensitive but as a first time mother, I think I need to be more careful. My boy is 10 months old and he started to cry every time I hand him over to the helper. I am a staying home mother but the helper also spent a lot of time with the baby as I do all of the shopping and cooking. At first, I thought it is due to separation anxiety because the baby really liked to play with the helper when he was much younger. Then at seven months, i started to ask the helper to get up at night to take care of the baby. She couldn't really wake up most of the time (ie I have to wake her up, even though we both have a baby monitor). Anyway, now she sometimes complains about baby doesn't want to go back to bed for two hours at night. I took care of my baby at night for the first seven months. I tried to ask her to take naps during the day but she said she couldn't sleep during the day. I now suspect that she might be treating baby differently when I am not around because baby really doesn't want her. I can give baby to my security guard downstairs but when I give him to my helper, he cries and hangs onto me. Should I be worried that my helper might be treating the baby bad because she thinks she can't sleep as much because of my baby? I now only ask her to get up once during the night but baby still doesn't want her most of the time. The only way I can give him to her is to put him down on the floor or in his bed and leave, so she can't actually pick him up.
    What are your opinions? Maybe my baby is just too attached to me? I have heard so many ppl said to me that the baby is too attached to their helper but I am having the opposite problem and I am worried. Not sure if this is normal or it is really my helper that I should be watching out for? Is it worth is to have a Webcam installed? Where do I get one and how do I register for something like that?

  2. #2
    slamdunk is offline Registered User
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    perhaps if you don't have a great gut feeling about your helper's behaviour and she is not meeting your expectations (i.e. helping you out at night to let you sleep, having good rapport with your child) then it might be time to look for a replacement without the need to install cameras etc.

  3. #3
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    0ze_Kid is offline Registered User
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    It is hard to comment on possible abuse without knowing more and observing.

    I will say that my children want ME and no-one else, Daddy or helper to do EVERYTHING for them and do not like it any other way. Baby may very well not like someone else seeing to him during the night and this may be the issue.

    What hours is your helper doing if she is getting up during the night? Also think of why you asked your helper to get up during the night -- sleep depreviation changes your mood and baby can pick up on this too. Maybe she needs to start work at 10 or 11am so that she can get some sleep once baby is up for the day. I know I could never sleep during the day and one of my children has never slept through the night.

    I feel like a different person now that she is!

  4. #4
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    nicolejoy is offline Registered User
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    If I were you, I'd take over the night time duty and see if that makes any improvement. You're a SAHM anyway so you can just as easily nap during the day if you need to. Possibly her mood is affected by the lack of sleep and the baby is picking up on it...

    It could be separation anxiety as well. Maybe the bub knows that if you hand her to the security guard, you're not going to go off and leave him for an hour - but maybe he thinks that when you hand her to the helper, you might do that.

    Do you get much 1 on 1 time with the bub? Maybe take him out without the helper, I don't know if you do or don't - but it'd be good for him... maybe it might help too...

    Trust your gut, but also don't jump to conclusions...

  5. #5
    Shenzhennifer is offline Registered User
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    My son has been rejecting his own father lately...this is a different thread for a different day, and although mine is older, yours still could be going through a kind of separation anxiety. I know for sure my husband is not doing anything wrong to my son, unless `wrong` means how Mama does it.
    I agree with nicolejoy that you should take over the night time duty with your baby, especially since you are a SAHM.
    It is quite possible that your helper is less than sugar at 3am when baby won`t go back to sleep - but so am I:)
    If you really doubt your helper, and you have the guts, then I would just install a camera in the baby`s room.
    Try taking over night time duty again and see how your baby reacts to the helper. If there is still that kind of refusal or fear, I would definitely think about the camera or really investigating the reason.

  6. #6
    cutebear is offline Registered User
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    Yeah, I think I might as well be the one up at night, because the only one time that she get up, I have to wake her up anyways. And she always forget the milk, so I ended up making the formula and then secretly hand over through the door over to her, so she can feed the baby. Anyway at the end, I am totally awake.
    She goes to bed at 10pm because I would take care of the baby up until 4am. Baby wakes up once at 4am then maybe wakes up at 7am in the morning. So if she sleeps at 10pm, she should have enough sleep, but I was stupid and provide her with a TV and DVD player (that was before I asked her to take the night duty though). Obviously I can't take them away now or ask her not to watch DVDs because its her own time and in her own room.
    I don't know if she is doing a good job. She gave me some really bad attitude before when I asked her to do something but she explained it's because I compared her with other helpers. Anyway, she seems to care about my baby at least when I am around. But she also refused to sleep in the baby room (I asked her once before when the weather was cold and her room was cold). She said she wants her own space which is reasonable but I thought she was complaining that her room was too cold and we do have a heater in the baby room.
    The agent said I spoiled her, so she is not doing what a good helper would do. But I never had helper before so I don't know what to expect or how to treat her.
    I am also afraid if I change the helper, the next one might be even worse.

  7. #7
    curiousmummy is offline Registered User
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    trust your baby's reaction , i feel they are the best guide..

  8. #8
    cutebear is offline Registered User
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    Also baby doesn't refuse Daddy. I can hand over him to Daddy even though Daddy only sees him during the weekend.

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