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working vs stay at home

  1. #25
    kyojee is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Tai Hang

    Hi hkmom1,

    am not sure if you had made a decision... but should i be in time to contribute my experience, here's my 2 cents':

    I'm a sahm and though I quit my job long before I had my baby, and am currently a really happy and well adjusted mom 24/7 at home, I would strongly suggest you take a solid 1-2 months unpaid leave (if boss and situation allows that it is!) to see if it would works well for you being at home with your baby. I personally don't think that everyone is suited to be a sahm, and the shift in roles and responsibilities once you choose to stay at home are huge.

    Some things to consider are

    - financial situations,
    - if your husband is supportive (both financially and emotionally),
    - if you have help taking care of your baby (and also to add, are you willing to share the responsibility of babycare with say your helper or family? or are you up to be the sole caregive? because some moms i know are control freaks and they end up being stressed and worked up when they are at home with their helper or in laws...),
    - should you be much less employable in future, would you be resentful? the chances of reentering the workforce get slimmer the longer you are out of touch, but should you be willing to accept this, the higher the chances of you being happy at home...

    for myself, i fared well in my job and was happy in my firm, but i quit deciding and knowing i did not want to work for someone else. i was supposed to work on business plans and voila! the pregnancy kit shows positive. we were trying for quite some time and were thrilled we were able to conceive.

    i am generally a laid back and chill person... i think i'm happy as a sahm, largely because i have a very supportive husband who loves being at home, and i travel with baby quite often to see our families (it helps to break the monotony of endless household chores,) and lastly because i do have aspirations to start my own business some day. though i don't have the energy to pull things together anytime soon, it keeps me going. we live within our means and are quite careful with money.

    hope you would be happy with your decision either way! =)

    Last edited by kyojee; 04-04-2010 at 09:24 PM.

  2. #26
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Quote Originally Posted by HK2008 View Post
    I needed to keep my mind active, which can only be fulfilled by working alongside other people. I think it's the companionship that I'm in desperate need of.
    My experience, exactly.

  3. #27
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2009

    Of all the subjects I've ever read in a thread on Geobaby, I know this one really pulls at the women here's heartstrings. I know this because of the amount of text that has been typed about it.

    I think that women living in HK who haven't lived elsewhere sometimes need a bit of perspective. (Or those who have been in the city so long they don't really remember what the "outside" is like).

    While reading these posts I can sense the amount of angst and desperation that women in this city struggle with when the consider the career vs. family situation. One poster noted that when she lived in Australia she had a more balanced life because of the understanding and flexibility of employers.

    I think HK is a very odd place, actually. This is the only super-modern, developed city I know of that has no minimum wage established. To me, that says something about the value of the employee in this city. Employees are disposable here and they are treated that way--whether they are low-wage construction workers or high tech finance workers. The laws serve the employer much more than the employee.

    People are fighting for their lives here and the ironic thing is while they fight for their right to remain "employable" at the same time their employment is stealing their life from them. There is a very famous quote from the Bible which asks, "What value is it for a person to gain the entire world yet lose her soul?" Women (and men) in this city are losing their souls in the process of trying to gain financial stability. Many people want to be wanted/needed professionally and who would mind having more financial stability? I think that it's understandable--that's what I want, personally but I think it's really important to look at all aspects--the motive (why am I REALLY doing this?); the ends vs. the means as well as who will be collateral damage in the end (the kids? the mom? the entire family?--certainly the company never suffers, right?)

    I just think that money is blinding. In my situation, I guess it's hard to imagine the pull of money that many women here are facing. I haven't ever worked in a job where I brought in an amazing amount of income--a job that I felt like if I left it, I would be left behind and out of the loop. I feel like women make their own way in this world and if one company won't hire you or one industry gives up on you because you took time off to tend to the things that really matter in life (and your quality of life including relationship with your husband and children definitely fit in that category) then it's their loss. It's never too late and it's never hopeless to go back into an industry you left. The only issue is the narrow-sightedness of looking only within HK! Hong Kong is not the beginning and end of the world!

    I've just been inspired by so many women who took nothing and made something out of it--they didn't need an employer to decide their fate--they chose their own road. Most of them suffered but in the end most of them triumphed as well.

    I think HK people grow up with the mindset and ideal to do the financially responsible thing (take the higher paying job with more prospects no matter what the cost to your family and personal life). It's a good thing to be financially responsible but goodness, there has to be a balance that comes in there sometime.

    So, my story is that I work part-time in an industry I never imagined myself working in to begin with. I do it as therapy for myself. I am slightly driven to go forward in this career but not to the point where I'll "do anything" to get there. I earn money which helps my family. I am challenged. But, at the same time I have at least 1/2 of my month free to be with my son and my family or just be myself. I guess, I just never want to be "owned" by corporate anything--to me that would signify personal death.

  4. #28
    Obiwan is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Hong Kong

    Hi MayC, it's an ignorant comment, do not pay any attention to it. Be assure of yourself and your choices. And be very proud of your own achievement.

  5. #29
    TheQuasimother is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Hong Kong

    **HUGS** MayC

    Quote Originally Posted by MayC View Post
    My BIL's son replied, "Oh your mum only has a low job unlike my mum". His mother tried to shush him.
    That just goes to show doesn't it... his parents are so busy working that they've forgotten to teach him to mind his manners!

    Thanka said, "What value is it for a person to gain the entire world yet lose her soul?"

    Makes me wonder what will be in the soul of such children in the future. I wouldn't want my child to measure me in terms of how successful I am in my career (am a working mum) as I know given my family and circle of friends, if my child made such a remark, I'd be a total failure.

    Gosh! MayC... you've done well by making those decisions for your child!

  6. #30
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    Sep 2004
    Sai Kung

    in defense of the child who spoke out of turn... he's still little, he's still learning...

    when i was about his age, i answered the phone one day and told the caller that my mum couldn't come to talk because she was busy.... HAVING A STINKY POO!

    MAYC, if i had been you, i probably would have come back with,
    "Well, we know that your mum prefers to spend her time at the office but I prefer to spend time with my children. Because I love them so much, it is important for me to be with them as much as I can be...."

    and left it at that...of course directing it at the mother, not the child....

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