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Missing the family...

  1. #9
    Monty is offline Registered User
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    Ladies, I empathise with each and every one of you. This thread really hit a chord with me as I feel exactly the same way.

    Living in HK I have always missed my family back 'home' but now that we have a little one I miss them even more. Like you have all mentioned, it is the fact that my mum/in-laws are missing out on seeing our boy grow up that makes me the most upset. I almost cry when we do Skype calls and my MIL says things like, "oh he doesn't even remember us anymore" or my mum says things like, "I really want to be close to my grandson but feel I can't whilst you are in HK." Our baby is changing so much everyday that it cuts deeply that my mum/in-laws are missing out.

    To the OP, I too cried for days both before and after my mum left HK at Christmas. The two of us were in tears at the Airport Express station. I had to do laps of IFC mall until the tears stopped just so I could then get in a taxi and be able to give coherent directions to the taxi driver!

    Yes - Skype is brilliant. So too are cameras. We do emails, Skype calls, videos - all of these things and it does help to capture the moments and keep family updated on our baby's progress.

    As for the house with the lawn and the backyard (isn't this the 'Great Australian dream?') I too wonder if we will ever have that. I did mention Sai Kung to hubby but he wasn't so keen!

  2. #10
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    karmah1 is offline Registered User
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    Hi All,

    I know how you all feel, we were away for 10 years all up, 8 in London and 2 in Hong Kong before we returned to Australia. We would of stayed away longer but I fell pregnant while we were in HK and was also made redundant just before our son was born. I think it was all the pregnancy hormones that made me want to come back home so we were returned when my son was 4 months old. We were also lucky that my husband could get a transfer with his work.

    So we have been back nearly a year have bought a house with the backyard, our son gets to see his grandparents and all our family is happy, except me! I had a very good career in investment banking and now I'm struggling to find anything similar in Sydney, I really miss Hong Kong and London and feel I could of stayed away alot longer.

    I guess I've struggled with the shock of returning home, its actually been a bit of a culture shock, and the challenges of being a parent. I would feel terribly guilty if we went back overseas as my son is the only grandchild on both sides. And its hard dealing with family again after having 10 years of more or less a phone/email relationship and seeing them every couple of years.

    So we will give it another year or 2 and see what happens....

  3. #11
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    nicolejoy is offline Registered User
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    I'm kind of half half. I love my family and have a great relationship with them and miss them like crazy - but I think it's been good for all of us since we've been over here. It's only been 3.5 years though so maybe it'll get worse later ;) I don't cry when I talk to them or when I put them on the plane to go home. Sometimes I'm even relieved ;) the living space is so tight here that it seems like it's easier to tread all over each others toes.

    The hardest times for me is during pregnancy. Particularly this pregnancy, with all the issues going along with it... looks like chances are, we might have a bub with special needs. I think that if that happens, it might end up accelerating our plan to go back to Australia just because the culture here I think is not as good for people who are "different"...

    I actually have mixed feelings about going back though. On one hand I can't wait, but on another hand it marks the end of a journey and I really have enjoyed my time here in HK and I know it's been good for us as a family. I'll miss it a lot when we move back!!

  4. #12
    HK2008 is offline Registered User
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    Seeing people who have longed to go home then wanted to come back again is a bit confusing to me. What would you miss about HK? I'm not complaining here but I simply enjoy the layback kind of lifestyle a lot more in Australia. The space, beautiful sunny days and clear blue sky and sea water and the white-sanded beaches...I can only trade all these away for a limited number of years , knowing I would definitely go back some day.

    I feel a lot more settled now that I have a full time job to keep my mind occupied. I have blended in quite well with my collegues and met a few local or foreign friends, and I even managed to pick up Cantonese. However, I'd always be looking forward to moving back some day.

  5. #13
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    my problem is that i have now been here for pretty much my entire working life (came here right out of uni when i was 22 yrs old)...

    i look forward to the day we move back to canada, but to be honest, the idea also terrifies me.

    hk, i know. i know what business ideas will succeed. i know many of the ins and outs. i know where to buy stuff. i know how to get about. i have friends here.

    i also know that the canada i left is not the canada that is there now. friends have gone on with their lives, and i've not been a part of them. when i go back for a holiday, everyone makes a point of getting together, but that is because i'm not a major part of their lives. i'm only there for a few days, then i'm gone again. the city where i grew up has had a population explosion... since i've been gone, about 30,000 more people have moved there. i have a difficult time finding my way around. besides, my mum and brother have both moved away, so if we do go back, it won't be to my hometown...i'll have to start all over again from scratch.

    for those of us long-timers, it's completely different from those that have only been here a couple of years.

  6. #14
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    nicolejoy is offline Registered User
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    I'm not a long-timer, only been here for 3.5 years... but I'll miss people from over here, I'll miss the transportation system, I'll miss the sushi!! A lot of restaurants. We eat out a lot over here. I do think that wherever you live, it becomes a part of yourself... and HK is the place where my daughter was born, where I've gone through a whole lot of stuff and really grown as a person... so in that way, when I move back I'll feel like I'm leaving a part of myself here...

  7. #15
    HK2008 is offline Registered User
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    Carang, I absolutely understand you. You've settled down here and HK is your home. You've worked everything out, including moving away from the city to Saikung to enjoy the space and greenery etc. And also for those who truely enjoy the fast-paced, exciting and vibrating lifestyle of HK, they feel like they are in heaven. I sincerely feel happy for you.

    That's why I don't want to stay here for too long. As Carang said, back home things are changing fast too. We'd feel like a complete stranger if we had left it for too long. Especially finding a job could become an issue again. Even we can save a lot faster here with the low tax etc, I sometimes ask myself: how much is enough? Is it really worth what we're giving up, ie. the space, the clean air, and a much more relaxed educational system for the kids? I don't think so.

    That's why we must go back. However I would forever appreciate the opportunity of having lived and worked in HK, and having the chance to broaden our experience and horizon.

  8. #16
    fingerscrossed is offline Registered User
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    Monty - isn't it ironic? We long to see our families but when it comes to saying goodbye, it's the hardest thing. I remember hiding in the AEL toilets to cool off my eyes with a wet tissue when I saw my mum off a few years ago. And when I say goodbye at Sydney airport, I must look really stupid going across customs with swollen red eyes.

    Like another poster said, it's hard to see parents age and it's harder not being able to spend time with them. My parents are pretty understanding about things and don't spell it out for me to go home but I know damn well its what they want. It must be hard for them when their friends all have grandchildren visiting on weekends etc. I love the convenience of HK, feeling 'safe' being out at midnight(compared to Sydney anyway), and like Carang said, we know how to 'play the game' after being here for so long. But now that I have a child, I want him to have what I had as a child because my childhood is still something I boast about. A lot of people I know who grew up here can't say the same, which I think is a real shame.

    It's amazing how much some of us have in common!

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