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Help - need to replace my two DHS - am I expecting too much?

  1. #17
    southside852 is offline Registered User
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    @ shenzhennifer, having extra help is a definitely luxury in Asia as we definitely could not afford it the in the US. As a SAHM, my job with my child is 24/7 - no holidays, no sick days and no weekends off. My husband watched my son for a weekend while I traveled with my parents, and he could barely do it.

    I am surprised at your comment since you are obviously a mother too. yes, there are some SAHM whose day is very relaxing, but I would think for most, it's very busy. To think we do not do anything during the day, is a rather ignorant comment. I almost think working at a regular paid job is easier than what we do. Our helper allows me to spend more quality time with my son and with my husband throughout the week and weekend. Like HK 2008, the list goes on and on about the benefits of her in our household.

  2. #18
    baffelly is offline Registered User
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    Why would sahm need a FT helper....let's see, so the house can be clean and tidy everyday, so there is fresh fruits and food in the house(not everyone lives close to a supermarket), so everyone can have nice homemade meals that, god forbids, takes more than half hour to make, so when baby throw up all over the floor it can be cleaned up right away, so mom's back don't have to hurt so much picking up baby all the time, so laundry is done promptly and clothes ironed. And of course, SAHM can also take a nap, go to the gym, get a massage, facial or pedicure, go shopping, having lunch with friends without a screaming baby, read a book, or have proper adult time with hubby to keep up the marriage.

    It's all about better quality of life. If help is available and affordable, why not take advantage of it?

    Some people might need to work their tails off to feel fulfilled and important, while others can choose to get help and have an easier life.

  3. #19
    hbw10 is offline Registered User
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    agree with southside and baffelly - a DH is amazing. There is no way we could have the same help in the States so why not take advantage of it here! Our DH helps with all facets of our life here in HK especially keeping the house tidy. Having a DH allows me to play with my son instead of thinking about doing the laundry, she allows me to go mommy/me classes without thinking about going to the market to buy milk and she allows me to have date night with my husband.

  4. #20
    Gataloca's Avatar
    Gataloca is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shenzhennifer View Post
    In fact, I`m just curious why any SAHM would need a FT helper. I mean, what are you doing all day?

    Sorry, best I bite my cyber tongue, lest I get a cyber slap;)
    In a chinese culture, the SAH "Mom" could spend the day playing Mahjong with her buddies without guilt or worry about their kids left at home. Hubby would not complain either that the home is dirty, or that dinner is not ready.

  5. #21
    Shenzhennifer is offline Registered User
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    Haha, thought I might get some cyber slaps. Especially since it seems about 90% of the Geobaby has a DH (or 2) but I know that for most of the expats, this is probably your first unless you come from an extremely wealthy family.

    I don`t think my comments were ignorant at all, perhaps Southside, you are feeling a bit defensive. If you go back to the schedule you wrote of your day, it didn`t actually look like you were spending loads of time with your son. Just interpreting what you wrote.

    It does indeed sound luxurious to be able to be a `Lady who Lunches`, to go out to the gym whenever I wanted, to get a pedicure, a massage, go shopping. It sounds wonderful not to wash my dishes and not have to clean up my baby`S vomit, or cook dinner for us or to GASP, have a night out with my husband. And heaven forbid someone else does my `back work` that kills me each day. Sure, that sounds great.
    BUT - it`s funny on here, it`s almost taken for granted that the expats here are all on expat packages and have fancy flats and DHs. But we`re not like that. We simply could not afford one, and I wouldn`t know where to house one(cuz it wouldn`t be here), and also could not (personally, na) justify going to the spa or read Time magazine or whatever while someone else is taking care of my child (unless it`s once in a while then I can FOR SURE justify that!).
    I`m not trying to sound like a martyr, and I would LOVE an extra pair of hands around (for more than my wonderful 3 hour cleaning lady per week). And people say that you need to take advantage of it while you`re living in HK, and I guess I could see that. But also, don`t forget where you came from.
    Oh, and incidentally, a HK person just told me recently that they understood why I didn`t have a helper, bc my husband was Japanese. She said (and others have since agreed) that Japanese men do not allow their wives to get helpers, as it`s not in their culture. Ha! My husband every so often when I complain about my back hurting or being busy, will tell me to hire a helper. but it`s all contrived, I actually don`t think he would really want me to get one. He would just think I am lazy. I should have married a HK guy:)
    Last edited by Shenzhennifer; 04-14-2010 at 11:07 AM.

  6. #22
    FutureHKmom is offline Registered User
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    Out of curiosity - for those mommies out there whose helpers finish work by 8 or 8:30pm each night, who serves dinner to the adults of the household and does the dishes afterwards? My baby doesn't sleep until 9:30 or 10pm, so I'm busy taking care of my baby until then.

  7. #23
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    my friend and her husband had a helper and her husband was japanese (of the generation older than we are... he was the same age as her father....)

    shenzheniffer, not all of us are on expat packages. i have NEVER had any kind of package in my 15 years here. what i have, i have worked my tail off to earn. the problem in hk for many people is that part-time babysitters are few and far between. it is NOT 'like home'. for us, we live a 30 minute bus-ride from my son's school. there is no school bus. i work 45 minutes drive from home (if i take public transport, it takes over 2 hours). my daughter isn't old enough to go to school yet. hubby works from home, but it is impossible for him to take care of 20+ dogs, make sure they are all exercised properly AND to care for our daughter...we have, gasp... horror...., two helpers now. one, the wife, has been with us since just before my son's birth. she cares for the kids/shops/cleans. we dont' have ironing, and she shares the cooking with her husband. her husband cleans the ground floor (where the dogs live), takes care of the garden and helps with the dogs, he also does the difficult stuff (cleaning the ceilings/fans etc).


    to make a blanket statement about a woman who has twins, living in a foreign country, and chooses to have two helpers to make her life easier and say that she is lazy is far too judgemental and plain mean.

    of course this might not be "how she does things at home".... i've got news for you... this isn't north america. depending on where they live, it could be very difficult to take public transport with two babies, diaper bag, stroller, purse etc by oneself... having another set of hands IS a luxury that can be afforded by many expats, so what is so terribly wrong about her using that to her advantage to make her life just a little, if not a lot, easier? if she and one helper take the twins out, then the other helper can stay home and cook/clean...

    have you raised twins? do you have any twins in your family? if not, you have no idea how difficult it can be... i have 3 sets of twin cousins...it isn't easy "at home", but you have part-time babysitters, often family & friends that share the "burden" of occasional childcare. i don't know anyone here that offers to babysit for a friend...it isn't done here (that i've seen).

    just because things are done differently "at home" doesn't mean that it's better.

    funny....i think that being a SAHM in and of itself is a luxury...one i've never been able to afford. (however, i do NOT think that it is for the lazy... it's a very difficult and demanding job.)

  8. #24
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by FutureHKmom View Post
    Out of curiosity - for those mommies out there whose helpers finish work by 8 or 8:30pm each night, who serves dinner to the adults of the household and does the dishes afterwards?
    i would venture to say that most people eat earlier. i know in hk it is normal to eat late... we usually eat dinner by about 6pm or so...

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