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Help - need to replace my two DHS - am I expecting too much?

  1. #1
    marshmallow is offline Registered User
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    Help - need to replace my two DHS - am I expecting too much?

    I am a mom of a pair of twins (1yr old) and am considering looking for two full-time DHs to replace my current ones.

    My current helpers are ok. They can manage taking care of my babies and do the cleaning and cooking etc. However, I am not very satisfied with their cleaning. As we live up hill in a very humid area, my babies' toys and play pens get moulded pretty quickly without proper cleaning. My room is always dusty. I always tell them priority will be my children so I kept quiet about the cleaning of my room although I do ask them every now and then to clean my room as well (maybe once or twice a month). They told me they had been cleaning it every day but the tissue paper I use to wipe the tops just came off with loads of dust. They told me it's because the cloth they are using are losing their fibres (ridiculous I know!) WHen I asked them to wash my babies' play pens, they just say weather is bad and should wait till next week. The fact is they have not been washed since I bought them 9 months ago!!! I just cannot tolerate my babies having to live in moulds anymore and I am sick of all the lies and excuses for not doing the cleaning etc.

    Although they do have a busy schedule,I must admit, taking care of two babies and doing the housework, they only start their day around 8:30 am when my babies wake up and their day ends at 10pm when my sons sleep. If they have started their day earlier i think they should be able to do more work. I allow them to take babies for a walk in the afternoon if they finish their work but it seems they have grown into this habit every day without finishing their work. I also allow them to go to church once a week during weeks days (on top of Sat/Sun) because they say their church requires them to attend twice a week. I never set a schedule for them and want to rely on their good discipline and good sense. I thought I have given them an enironment nice to live in the good company (they are cousins).

    But the thing that irritated me most is their attitude. Every time I asked them to do something, either there would be dead silence or a not so happy face (then chatting in Phillipino) and they are never willing to take any criticisms but make up excuses (like fibre coming off cleaning cloth and weather being humid so dust stick on surfaces very quicky even if they clean every day).

    I do not know if I am just expecting too much but I just do not want to pay to live with some one who gets on my nerves.

    If you know any DHs who are willing to take up new employment do let me know. I prefer to rely on self discipline of helpers and do not dictate what they have to do every day. I offer a spacious room with private toilet and wardrobe as resting room but the maids will have to sleep with my babies for the time being as they are still young.

    If any one has recommendations or if any one is interested, please let me know. Thanks a bunch.

  2. #2
    TheQuasimother is offline Registered User
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    Sounds like you're being taken for a ride.
    If you're a hands on stay-at-home-mum, there is no reason why your house should not be spick and span with two helpers! When we had a giant lab and our toddler plus the cat and the tankful of goldfish, our house was virtually dust free and we both worked full time!
    My helper always has every Saturday to 'focus clean' - two rooms per Saturday - she does not partake in child minding at all as Saturday and Sundays are strictly family days for us.
    I didn't realise that God mandated attendance at church twice a week. Sounds a little suss. We go to church and have never heard of such a thing!

  3. #3
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    carang is offline Registered User
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    a couple of things:
    1) you are already asking them to work for 13.5 hrs per day. i do not think it is feasable to expect them to be up earlier to work longer hours.

    2) i think that they are taking advantage of you. no one likes to hear they're not doing a good job, but they seem to not be able to improve the job they are doing.


    i would start fresh with 2 new helpers BUT i would give them a schedule and make sure that they stick with it.

  4. #4
    aussie mum is offline Registered User
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    Its hard to know whether we are expecting too much of our helpers. I'm a sahm with two energetic boys (4 and 21 months) and I am 30 weeks pregnant. We live in a 3000 sf house with garden and have 1 domestic helper.
    I have recently felt guilty when I leave her with the kids for an afternoon and still expect dinner to be cooked etc.
    However she has just had 2.5 weeks holiday and I managed to keep on top of things just fine! I paid to have someone do the ironing and that's it.
    I don't think it's that hard to look after two kids and keep the house clean. Especially as you have two of them.
    But it is only fair to provide a schedule so they know what is expected of them and hold them accountable to. I can't see any reason why they should need to work more than 10 or 11 hours a day. Even less if they are getting on with their worload properly.
    Maybe create a schedule and discuss it with them. If they don't think they can work to it and fit it all in then you'll need to look for replacements.
    Good luck.

  5. #5
    TheQuasimother is offline Registered User
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    Missed out on the 13.5 hour work day. My helper definitely doesn't work such long hours. Cleaning is done in 3-4 hours each day and the rest of it while we are not at home is strictly babysitting. And our home is pretty much dust free which is difficult with shedding pets!

    Our helper gets about 10 hours to herself each day. So she's in bed by 8:00 and doesn't need to stir until about 6:30 or 7.

  6. #6
    LeahH is offline Registered User
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    They don't sound great and you shouldn't have to put up with a constant stream of excuses.

    But, I do agree with everyone above, 13.5hrs a day is already a heavy schedule.

    In particular if they are also sleeping in the same room as your children at night.

    If you get new helpers, I would consider changing that arrangement and getting bunks put in.

    We have bunks, it is compact but I'm sure my helpers greatly appreciate the privacy at night.

  7. #7
    Shenzhennifer is offline Registered User
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    In addition to thinking that people here are a bit spoiled with all their help, I have now come to think that helpers can be spoiled too.

    The first thing that makes me giggle: In the west when people have twins, THEY take care of them (mother). You have TWO helpers and they still can`t get it together?

    I don`t know about the 13.5 hr thing...myself, I`m on shift from 7am to about 10pm. But I`m not sure what the protocol is with helpers.
    However, I don`t agree that your helpers need to sleep with your babies. Actually, if anything, that should be your job, especially since you don`t get to spend so much time with them. But at 1 years old, your babies shouldn`t need to have anyone sleep with them. Maybe with the new helpers, they(babies) too can adapt.

    Basically your helpers sound like duds and you should replace them. They should be able to keep your house very clean at all times and also take care of the babies. This is basic.
    Oh, and I don`t think God will mind if they only go to church once a week. Most Filippinos are Catholic anyway, and I can assure you, Catholics are not expected to attend church more than once per week. They must go to Bible study or some religious social group or something, but I doubt it`s a mass.

  8. #8
    zac08 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shenzhennifer View Post
    However, I don`t agree that your helpers need to sleep with your babies. Actually, if anything, that should be your job, especially since you don`t get to spend so much time with them. But at 1 years old, your babies shouldn`t need to have anyone sleep with them. Maybe with the new helpers, they(babies) too can adapt.
    I agree with the above quote. Why are your helpers sleeping with your kids if you are a SAHM and they are expected to work a full day on top of minding the children at nights? And if your kids don't really need minding at nights, why is anyone sleeping with them?

    I know that for most people, nighttime sleep really does affect mood and attitude during the day, so to start with, this should be looked at.

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