unsalted butter and yelling husband
- 05-14-2010, 07:17 PM #25Registered User
- Join Date
- Sep 2006
Solidstars, please do some internet research and present your husband with some facts he can't argue with:
eg: Nutrition for Infants and Children (which explains that healthy fats - including butter (though it does specify organic butter) - are an essential part of an infants diet.
I think you need to communicate to your husband in terms he can understand (ie, medically backed research) what constitutes good infant nutrition, and you need to set some boundaries for him and your MiL, and tell him to get on board, get your back and support you in raising a healthy child.
I'm sure you're doing a great job. You just need your husband to understand that too.
best of luck!
- 05-14-2010, 07:37 PM #26Registered User
- Join Date
- Nov 2003
- Hong Kong
Remind your husband of his tantrum when your baby is 2 and refuses all vegetables. Your husband will be grateful he eats anything, even frozen. Wait until he is demanding to be taken to McDonalds. A bit of butter will look pretty good then.
Your husband has no perspective on your child's diet. I hope this doesn't extend to other areas of his parenting.
Man who listens to his mother over his wife = mummy's boy.
Man who yells at his wife = total moron.
- 05-14-2010, 08:41 PM #27Registered User
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
As you said, it's prob his choice of words and tone that really upsets you. And you should tell him that when you are both calm. Coming from different cultural background there bound to be things you two would disagree with. Suggest to him that you two should discuss these things instead of yelling or blaming each other. And for harmless things, sometimes you can let him "win" after a civilised discussion to encourage him to discuss things instead of yelling.
I'm sure T will grow up big and strong! Btw, I actually made a point to put some butter or oil in my baby's food to make sure he gets some fat in his diet.
- 05-14-2010, 09:59 PM #28
thanks everyone... i've tried the 'present the research' method, he has an excuse for everything, research are for foreign babies, chinese medicine is better than western, etc etc etc.
everytime i try to stand my ground we end up fighting even more, and i can't stand yelling at each other in front of the baby, i'm sure it upsets him. I used to be really stubborn too but nowadays i just let him have his say and not say anything back... except today i thought he was being ridiculous and let him get to me...
my mil's actually not too bad, i think the main problem is husband and i are having communication issues...
i didn't know bfing had higher fat than cow's milk! I will tell him that as well...
- 05-14-2010, 10:53 PM #29
HUMAN BABIES ARE HUMAN BABIES! there are NO differences physiologically between white/chinese/african babies.
all you have to do to see that is look at a chinese person who was born/raised in the west to see that the ONLY difference between the races is CHILDHOOD NUTRITION!
ps> ever notice the ugly BLACK teeth that many hk babies have? they are missing something essential in their diet (don't know what, though).
PPS> can i come over an give your hubby a slap?
- 05-14-2010, 11:13 PM #30Registered User
- Join Date
- Jan 2008
- Hong Kong
Add my slap to that one on behalf of all mothers out there who are poisoning their babies. Better go and check the kids, just remembered I fed them frozen pizza and fish fingers in the same week. I hope they are OK....
Maybe your husband could get on here and give us all some advice? I'd like to see him try...
- 05-14-2010, 11:27 PM #31
thanks carang, i don't think the slap would wake him up though. i just wish he notices the type of words he uses.
i said the same thing too when i was pregnant! 'if sashimi poisons fetus/baby then what happens to the entire female pregnant population of japan? if spicy stuff poisons baby then what happens to all the pregnant thais/indians/malaysians/etc?' he just said it's cuz i'm built a chinese, and even if i counter that i grew up in thailand, it doesn't help.
actually i don't know if he knows, but i know that this mil/her helper puts some salt into their congee/porridge for baby as well, because he refuses to eat it bland... Maybe i should bring this up...
- 05-15-2010, 12:32 AM #32
Salt is definitely worse for a bub than fat is. Too much salt and their kidneys can't process it all that well...
I eat sashimi while pregnant - I have sushi at least once a week. The fish oils are meant to be really good for their brain development and I don't really eat fish any other way except for sushi/sashimi... I eat a bit of tinned tuna in pasta etc but that's probably worse than the fresh salmon you get at sushi places...
I know what it's like to be in a cross cultural marriage, and there is a lot that I don't agree with that I just go along with. My husband doesn't like me getting on a ladder while I'm pregnant because he's afraid I'll fall and hurt the baby. I know the chances are low but I don't really care, I just make him get all the stuff off the top shelf instead ;) I think it's an irrational request but really, for me it's not worth the fight in that situation (not saying your situation isn't worth the fight though!!)
I think it's a fine balance between being understanding of where your husband is coming from - ultimately he just wants what is best for your child as well... and pushing the point. Is there someone like your GP or someone who he will respect and maybe listen to them instead? Or maybe encourage him to do some research on it rather than just taking what he's heard from his mother/relatives?
I know in situations like this, it can be hard not to make it about "my way is better than your way" and "the way my family does it is right and your family doesn't know anything" - not that you MEAN it like that but it may come across like that (at least when I have similar things with my hubby it can make him feel like that)... I know my hubby needs to feel listened to and like his feelings are important and valid before he's more open to listening to me... the key for us is to get past the highly emotional discussion and validate each other, then we can talk about it more rationally...
All the best :) I know I'm rambling... hope some of it helps a bit!!
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