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Mother wants to move in to help with newborn

  1. #9
    nicolejoy's Avatar
    nicolejoy is offline Registered User
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    Oh just to add to my previous post: when my mum and MIL did come to visit, we had them stay in a hotel. They were at my place most of the day time but went home right after dinner. I'm much like Cara though - I really needed my space at that very personal time... and I wouldn't change it at all. But that's just me :)

  2. #10
    lisa88 is offline Registered User
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    Agree with those who say it depends on your relationship with your mum. If you have always been close, it is easy to welcome her into your home, especially on the birth of her grandchild. Another thing to consider is the generation gap. How old is she, are you, and your new baby? My mother was 70+ when my daughter was born and it had been 10 years since she last helped out with her other newborn grandchildren. Despite all her good intentions, we found that my mother was unable to do anything except hold the baby. Her hands were not quick enough to change diapers, nor bathe the baby, nor stoop to do a lot of things for the baby unless the baby was on a change table at a height convenient for her back. My mum was also supposed to supervise the maid but the maid turned out to be very capable childminding and preparing confinement dishes. There were some tense moments, when my mum refused to try out new things like a steam sterilizer. She wanted to sterilize baby bottles in a big vat of boiling water with was a lot of work considering the amount of sterilizing needed in the early days. I also agree that it was a case of "too many cooks" with my mum, hubby, maid and I all caring for one tiny baby in our small flat. I don't want to be negative and discouraging, but this was my experience. We are overseas Chinese by the way, so we do generally follow the custom of the mother helping out during the confinement month where possible.

  3. #11
    lisa88 is offline Registered User
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    i should add, my mother stayed for one month, and after that, I insisted on a break of 2 weeks on my own with my baby! Then my mother in law came to visit for another month. I was really relieved when she left and I had baby all to myself again!

  4. #12
    Shenzhennifer is offline Registered User
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    My MIL came the day after I came home from the hospital and stayed for 2 weeks. I didn`t really want her too but I could not refuse, and was just hoping it would go well. It actually didn`t and has probably ruined our future relations.
    I so much wanted to have a little nesting period with just my husband and my new son. However, one good thing was that I ended up having a c-section and my husband had to go back to work asap, and all that with trying to breastfeed (which also wasn`t so smooth), did make someone being there preparing meals and such a good help. It was just hard for other reasons.
    Learning how to take care of your newborn is not such a big deal - there isn`t so much to do, really, and you will learn all about it in the hospital anyway. But if you plan on breastfeeding and also trying to get some rest, having someone around to prepare NUTRICIOUS meals and keep the house in order is nice. Especially if it`s your own mother, who depending on your relationship, I guess, won`t take it too personally if you are out of sorts or emotional or whatever(but MILs do:).
    It also depends on what kind of person your mom is - like how much she will interfere if at all, what she plans to do to help, that kind of thing.
    I would just take into consideration the breastfeeding thing and getting good and regular food into you, as well as being able to take rests when the baby is sleeping. But go with your gut. This is your baby and your family.

  5. #13
    carey is offline Registered User
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    I did not think I need that much help before the baby arrived. But knew after that there are quite a bit of work if you or your mother insists that to follow the Chinese practice for first month for the mother. Well, in where I live, it means cleaning youself with ginger water, drinking water make with dates instead of water, eating food prepare in certain way....(a long list).

    So, in the first month, my helper was quite busy in the ketchen making these kind of special diet for me while my mother brings the ingredients every day "fresh" from the market. My mum does not live with us but she came everyday to bring the food but our helper is live-in.

    My husband and I could not care less for this tradition, but I went along with my mum. So, I did get quite a lot of time learning the ropes of looking after a newborn.

    Even if you are not going to do all is "required", in the case where you husband had to go back to work right away, having someone there to cook for you is good.

    Good luck with your decision.

  6. #14
    tnpatton is offline Registered User
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    Thank you, everyone, for all of your advice. It's really very helpful. I'll talk with my husband about it tonight. We both get along well with my mom, but she has the tendency to be a little overbearing at times.

  7. #15
    mcdill is offline Registered User
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    Personally I think it was a great help having an extra pair of hands around when my mum came to help out. Also she often came to stay with us in the past for several weeks at a time, so we were quite accustomed to her living in, and that makes a huge difference.
    We were also quite open to having her input - we would try things our way first and if that didn't work out, then she would suggest another way and we would try that out.

  8. #16
    Suv
    Suv is offline Registered User
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    I loved having my mom here as well specially since the baby had reflux and was crying all the time. It was wonderful to have someone to not just help out with the baby but also be your support. My mom can also be overbearing sometimes- but you can always figure out when to ignore things, when to let go and when to put your foot down.... mums should be fine when you tell them to back off. Now, mil's are a whole another story!:)

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