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Am I too demanding??

  1. #17
    carang's Avatar
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    the other thing to consider is that if the helper is too tired, she is likely to get sick more often which will mean that you will be taking more time off work.

  2. #18
    ausnyc is offline Registered User
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    Off topic - where are these full day pre-nursery places? I have been looking for them for some time with little luck. Please advise!

  3. #19
    TwinsMom is offline Registered User
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    Thanks Ssheng! You are telling exactly what I am thinking right now!! (Thanks God finally someone can understand...)

    In fact, the relationship between me and my helpers are good, she loves my girls, 3 of us always chit-chat and share the happiness about the babies, I will celebrate their birthdays, take them both to all kind of family celebration, buy gifts for their kids in special occassion....etc. I can say that they treat my girls like their own daughter.

    So, here the point is, given my no.2 helper had been doing those inappropriate things out of my sight, I am worrying:

    (1) Is she smart enough to take care of 2 babies after the babies go to school from 9-5 on weekdays? (she is definitely not a sensitive and smart person...)
    (2) Her english is so poor, she cannot write proper english (and i don't know tagalog), if i ask her to go market in the future, can she really capable of managing the household expense?
    (3) Communication - as i said, i can only understand 20% of her english or 30% of cantonese, i need to keep asking and confirm her answer few times to make sure that i get her words right... (in the meantime, my no.1 helper will translate - as they both speak tagalog).
    (4) She slept on my bed once (told by my no.1 helper), so if no one at home after the babies are in school, what will she do in the house?

    If you were me, will you find another helper or just simply keep her? She already told me that she wants to renew her contract.

  4. #20
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    Gataloca is offline Registered User
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    If I were you, I would just find another helper. Regardless of if you are asking too much, or if she is an overtired worker, obviously you are not match for each other.

    Just look for another one. You may get a chance to find a person that suit your needs, and your 2nd helper may be able to find work with someone less demanding that would also suit her better.

  5. #21
    TheQuasimother is offline Registered User
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    Honestly, I would not keep her. She seems to be getting away with things, I would not allow my helper to get away with.

    To answer your questions:
    (1) "If she's so smart, she would not be a domestic helper." - A Filipino mum from my son's school. We find that with helpers you have to spell everything out to them. EVERYTHING - especially if you're like me - a Type A control freak. I want it done my way and no one elses'. So we have lists with very specific instructions.
    (2) For us, communication is a No. 1 priority. If she's Filipino and is neither here nor there with English, I'm sure you'll be able to find someone who speaks better English. Try looking for a helper with experience in Singapore with a local Sg family. At least 4 years experience! Their English even if they're from a small village out bush in the Phillipines would be better than someone who's only an experienced DH there.
    (3) She will do whatever she wants in the house while you are away! That is a grim reality of a household with two working parents! No matter how honest and good, there'll be moments which makes you wonder or go "Hmmm?"

    Good Luck!
    “If you want to get to the castle, you’ve got to swim the moat.” Richard Jenkins in Eat Pray Love

  6. #22
    TwinsMom is offline Registered User
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    Thanks everyone. Yes, will try my luck and see if i can find a better one, however the only thing that i am struggling was taking a risk of finding a 'smarter' helper but she might not treat my babies as good as the existing one...

    As u know most of the helpers are picky too, once they know I have twins, 8 out of 10 don't want to come.

    I am just wondering, some families manage to have only one helper to take care of twins, given both parents also need to work too, how can they manage? I heard a few are like this (i believe not all the twins family will have two helpers though) but really don't know how it works....

  7. #23
    carang's Avatar
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    the difference between ssheng thinking his boss is overworking him and making him/her exhausted and your helper feeling the same way is this:

    your helper takes care of your children and your home. the two most important things in your life.

    if you really want a good, well-rested helper, then you have to either:
    1) get rid of this one and find one with more energy
    or
    2) lower your expectations

    personally, it sounds to me like you need a new helper.

    PS> YOU asked for advice on a forum. YOU called this thread, "am i too demanding?" YOU should expect some people to say, yes, you are too demanding.... you should not expect to be validated by everyone that comes on here. your expectations for one person seem to be too high. this is not about how you treat your helpers when it's their birthdays, but about how much work they are expected to perform during any given day and how much rest they get.

  8. #24
    jane01 is offline Registered User
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    You asked, so I'll answer. Yes, you're far too demanding. You can't expect an employee to get up multiple times during the night to your children and still function during the day. Only mummies and occasionally daddies have to do that. I'm a working mum too, I understand how hard this is. Options:
    1. You have two helpers, one can be night shift, the other day shift. The night shift helper needs 8 hours sleep + downtime/rest during the day.
    2. Get up to your children yourself.
    Even if you hire a new helper, you need to adjust your expectations. You might be amazed to find how much energy your existing helper has, once you let her have a few decent nights sleep.

    I wouldn't count the grandparents as additional help. You might find that the helpers end up looking after 2 babies + 2 grandparents each day whilst you're at work and/or that both helpers and grandparents end up doing the same work. Just with the grandparents helicoptoring over the helpers.

    Sleeping with a baby on your chest is a real no no for me. It is not safe. Adults can roll over and block the child's air supply. Here are some guidelines:
    Safe Sleeping | Sids and Kids

    To answer your other question, should one helper be able to look after twins? Absolutely yes. But they are just an employee. They need time off and a good night's sleep.

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