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Am I too demanding??

  1. #33
    soon2bmom is offline Registered User
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    Taking care of young kids is a very very tough job. I am a SAHM of a 19-month-old and I am exhausted at the end of the day everyday. I only ask my helper to take care of the cleaning and cooking, seriously, I don't see how she can mind the kid and the house at the same time. When I see helpers at the supermarket with babies, sometimes I wonder what they do with the babies when they clean the toilet or cook. Do they just leave them unattended in the crib? Anyway, what I am trying to say is, if you can afford it, get two new helpers since it seems that you need lots of help around the house. One of our friends actually has three helpers, two to look after the twins and one to look after the chores. The house is sparkling clean and everyone is well rested and happy. Don't know how much bonding there is between the parents and the kids, but hey, it works for them.

  2. #34
    Workingmom1975 is offline Registered User
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    TwinsMom,

    I am a working mom, and I never took care of my baby at night time. I have two full-time helpers so one of them always stayed with my baby when he was young. I did train him to be a good sleeper at a very young age so he has been slept through the night since when he was 7M by himself without anyone else being in his room. My guess is both of my helpers have a much easier life than yours.

    I love my baby very much but didn't think that I need to be the one who took care of him at 2a.m. and 5a.m. to be a good mom. A good night's sleep gave me the energy to handle a fairly demanding job during the day and spend quality time with him before and after work and the whole weekend. I think it's a personal choice so you should just go with what works for you - good luck!

  3. #35
    fingerscrossed is offline Registered User
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    On the topic of your twins sleeping with the helper, I would try to train them to sleep alone since they'll have to sooner or later. My son slept alone when he was 8mths old and the helper only went in to check on him if he has a nightmare and starts crying or has a coughing fit (during a flu).

    If you're not comfortable with your 2nd helper, I'd get another one in to help her out. Twins can be a handful and you'll need extra supervision once they are two to three y.o. because that's when the accidents start coming in.

  4. #36
    jane01 is offline Registered User
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    I wonder if you realise the irony of asking how working mums cope with night wakings, when your helper is in the same situation. Back later, have to go to a meeting.

  5. #37
    Portia is offline Registered User
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    I agree with Workingmom1975. It's a purely personal decision whether you get up in night and it doesn't necessarily make you a bad mother or even a bad employer.

    My LO used to wake at 1am and 4 am. My helper (one of two helpers) had no problem coping with her work even though she would handle at least one of the middle of the night feedings provided she napped when the baby napped during the day. I think the OP needs to find a helper who is a better match for her. My helper had no issues with having to get up in the night. She knew that I have a demanding job and regarded it as part of her job to make sure that I was well rested enough so that I could get through my day at the office without falling asleep on the job or making mistakes due to tiredness. As my job requires me to read lengthy and often tedious documents in tiny print, I have to have at least 5 or 6 hours of sleep or I will fall asleep at my desk! I also think that you will probably need to continue with 2 helpers, unless you are positive that your apartment is childproof and that one twin is not climbing out a window in one room while the other twin is in the other room playing.

  6. #38
    TwinsMom is offline Registered User
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    Workingmom1975 - I think my situation is similar to yours, also have 2 full time helpers and they will sleep with the baby in two separate rooms. Yes, my helpers are relatively busier than yours so we are start training the babies to sleep on their own too (although they can only did few times...). Twin2 always dream and can’t sleep well, don't know how to make her sleep better though…

    After seeing all the comments yesterday, i spoke with my helpers last night, no.1 helper said she is fine bcoz my twin1 baby can sleep better at night (maybe sometime will make noises when she was dreaming and wake my helper up), however, twin2 will wake up 1-2 times, my no.2 helper said baby can go back to sleep again very soon sometime as long as she can guess her needs correctly (hungry/nightmare) + she can manage to take a nap during daytime (while twin2 is sleeping) so she is also fine with the current arrangement.

    OK, re: bonding - thank you but no worries, my babies like to stick with me ALL the times, before/after work + weekends, I will wake up one hour earlier than normal to spend some time with them in the morning before I go to work and I seldom go anywhere after work, both of them need my attention all the times and easily jealous if I just carry either one, so I have been trained to carry them TOGETHER, my both arms are exhausted & my muscles are pain, need to put counterpain on my arms every night... they will keep looking for me when i was out of their sight... so I guess my relationship with the kids are ok.

    TheQuasimother – so proud of you! Really not an easy job given you need to work though!

    For those who questioned about - How can my helpers manage their work during daytime given they need to take care of my kids – Maybe I am lucky, they both manage well. They can take rest at daytime but I can’t, my job required me to start working at 9am + mistake-free and stress, that’s why I need at least 6 hours sleeping hours.

    Thank you Portia – before seeing your post, I was feeling a bit guilty about myself by not taking care of my kids at night, first of all I cannot figure out a way to take care 2 babies on my own but even I tried, baby will keep crying until I pass back to my helper (they get used to have my helpers while they are sleeping), some of my friends telling me that their helpers are also helping to take care of their kids at night too, so I am thinking whether my arrangement is a problem to the helper… thanks, I am feeling less guilty to them now (in terms of demanding), as long as she said ok and I can also have enough sleep, then nothing need to be worried!

  7. #39
    m2cw2mhk is offline Registered User
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    i am just wondering something about having the helpers sleep in the room with the babies. I was under the impression that employers are required to ensure that the helper gets 8 hours of rest. would having the helper get up with the babies be in violation of that regulation?

    For what it's worth I only have my helper sleep with the kids when we are out of town, and for that we pay her overtime. I always got up with the baby (and my older daughter when she wakes up which happened a lot when she was 3.)

  8. #40
    Lucylou is offline Registered User
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    I read this with great interest. It amazes me just how much people here in HK rely on the help of Domestic Helpers.
    Yes...I have a DH, but she does the housework & babysits occasionally, but I look after my 2 children who are 2 & 3 months. She is a HELPER and not a surrogate Mother.
    I understand that you have to go out to work, but there needs to be a fine line between what you do as a Mother & what you expect your Helper to do.
    As previous posts have mentioned, being a SAHM is just as tiring as holding a 9-5 job. When I move back to the UK next year, I won't have the joys of any Domestic Help and I will have to cook, clean, look after the kiddies & get up at night if they wake. I don't share a room with either of them - you should allow your Helper to at least have her own space - set up a baby monitor so she is able to tend to them should they wake.

    Sorry...but you really should think yourself lucky and if you are too demanding, they will walk.

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