kid being bullied at school

[sandy0741]

Hi everyone,

Again bullying, my son's class teacher called me today that my son was hit by his classmate (another one) and she handled it, which I think was fine, but the bad news was my son came home and didn't stop crying. He has even got a fever, is it normal? He keeps on telling his aunt he's scared, so what should be done, should I talk to his class teacher again and what should I say?

[carang]

if he's got a fever, then he's sick. you can't get a fever from being afraid of from being bullied.

sounds to me like your son needs some confidence. maybe try enrolling him in some martial arts classes, not to teach him how to fight but to teach him that he CAN stand up for himself if he needs to...

right now, it sounds to me as if he would have the same probelms no matter which school he goes to.

[sandy0741]

Just checked with the class teacher and she said he was hit by the same student who like to hit others, well, my son had already informed his teacher when he was hit by him so I think he did stand for himself ( something he has improved on) maybe he picked up some flu from the school. Talking about the kid, it just seems to me that the teacher has received so many complaints about him that she does not know what is the best way to tackle that kid. Hopefully she will find out.

[TheQuasimother]

There is only so much the teacher can do. A lot of it has to do with the parents.

My son and his classmates had to deal with a boy like that. He was bigger than everyone else. When I asked other parents around, I got a very surprising answer. We taught our son not to hit, push, shove or bite. Essentially to be nice.

But other parents told us that when they've told their kids that if someone shoves or push, shove back or push back if the person doesn't stop. These are boys. And, so we've decided that and we've told him that after two chances and the teacher has been told, to shove back! All the kids we know that he goes to school with does this (i checked with their parents) and are now are 'equal footing'. So the boy in question got the message and stopped.

I don't think it's the perfect or P.C. solution but he does have to deal with bigger playground politics at Big Boy School - Primary School. And we want him to learn to fight his own battles as fairly as possible. I don't want him to run crying to mummy all the time but in our experience, it makes bullying worse later.

[HappyV]

Obviously your teaching training and years of experience taught you nothing about dealing with bullies, the victims or the bystanders.

Read this:
Sullivan. K., Cleary, M., & Sullivan, G. Bullying in Secondary Schools - What it looks like and how to manage it. Corwin Press, 2004. (OK, not primary school based, but it talks about younger students as well)
OR
Search for a report called 'Sticks and Stones' - a UK publication.
OR
Look at any of the policies coming out of the UK, Australia, Canada etc etc about bullying. The approach you are advocating wouldn't get a look in, because it can only escalate rather than calm a situation and none of the research backs it up.

Sorry to be hard worded - but you've made your thoughts pretty clear about how teachers should be trained, yet what you're talking about goes against anything that a teacher would be 'trained' how to do. You can't have it both ways.

[wanfamily]

Quasimother,
I feel I need to second what Happy V has said. What you and the parents are advocating will only escalate any inappropriate behaviour and has a negative affect on what the teacher (who should be trained to deal with such situations) will be trying to do. There are hoards of research reports out there and as far as I know, none would recommend treating agression with agression. Teaching children how express themselves in a calm yet assertive manner (rather than being either either passive or agressive), although it is not a 'quick fix' solution is an invaulable tool for later life.

[baffelly]

There are "research" that goes both ways. Just the more pc ones got published more. Depending on the situation, one sometimes need self defense instead of just relying on "the system". And different opinions are certainly allowed to be voiced in a forum without getting any virtual bullying.
E.g. http://www.turtlepress.com/articles/..._bullying.aspx
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[TheQuasimother]

Obviously your teaching training and years of experience taught you nothing about dealing with bullies, the victims or the bystanders.

Sorry to be hard worded - but you've made your thoughts pretty clear about how teachers should be trained, yet what you're talking about goes against anything that a teacher would be 'trained' how to do. You can't have it both ways.

Hi HappyV, sorry... but i must have touched a raw nerve with you. I never claimed to be the perfect teacher. I have not taught in schools where bullying is rampant... NEVER. So, yes, my teacher training is limited to teaching motivated kids from impoverished neighbourhoods and motivated kids from middle income/upper income families.

Teachers are divided into working groups. There is so much classroom management a teacher can engage in. A lot of it has to do with how parents engage in the situation to.

If you are a teacher, you'd know that it's not just the teacher. In a classroom of 44, in my child's case 24 and when all the boy's parents are doing the same, you're walking against the wind. And, if you were a teacher, you'd know that in high school, there a team that deals with this. In all schools I've worked for, this is the case. Teachers in a busy classroom have limitations.

I am remarking as a parent not as a teacher. Please make an effort to make a distinction between the two.


Incidentally, you are aware that I'm a high school teacher right? And in high school, we deal with such cases differently.

Raw nerve eh HappyV.... in my classroom I'm a teacher but when it comes to my child, I'm a parent like any other. Like any other parent, I don't want my child to be bullied. We did try. But when 11 other parents are doing just that, I am not going to work against the odds. [SIZE="6"]I've made it clear that my solution is not the PC solution i.e. the perfect solution. I made my decision as a parent when I consulted the other parents and after consulting his school teacher. I reacted as a parent NOT a teacher. It isn't my classroom to manage. If the parents had given me a different answer, I'd kept to our initially approach. [/SIZE]

We do teach our child not to hit. Our first rule is Be Nice. It still is. But I do know that the big burly kindie kid has stopped bullying the other children. And, the boys in that class all rough house. Sometimes, it's my child, sometimes it's another. But they all do! It's a kindie.

Are you able to now make a distinction when I make a remark? Should I always need to say, I'm remarking as a parent vs. I'm remarking as a teacher? The topic on teacher training was about being able to teach, not classroom management or bullying intervention. And, like i said, kindie vs. high school, VERY VERY DIFFERENT.

If my son decked someone at high school, or is decked at high school, I'd approach it totally differently both as a parent and as a teacher. We wear different shoes all the time. In your case, you don't eh? Sorry, we're all not perfect like you making clear decisions as a teacher and parent. PURRRFECT!

Like I said, my answer is not the PC answer but that was what went on in my son's school. Just my son's school. And, it's just my two cents (as a parent). Also, as a parent, I'm aware of the need to not actively participate in raising a cottonwool generation.

And, it's naive to think that a teacher would be the perfect parent. Imagine... teacher training did not make me a perfect parent. It doesn't even make a perfect teacher. It is a necessary step. Does it make sense?