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Child refuses to come home

  1. #1
    T.S
    T.S is offline Registered User
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    Child refuses to come home

    Hi all,

    I am very worried and upset that my 5 yr old son refuses to come home to sleep. He always wants to go sleep in grandma's house. He said that it's very boring at home. He gets to play toys in granny's house because she gets him a lot of toys. And when he is at home he has to do homework. The most difficult part is that granny doesn't do his homework with him and his daddy is saying that it's ok for him to stay there. Sometimes he goes back to school without finishing his homework. I am very worried. Any advice?

  2. #2
    elle is offline Registered User
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    Mom, dad and granny all need to get on the same page and be consistent. If the child is getting mixed messages it is difficult to change any behavior.

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    AmyH is offline Registered User
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    I agree with elle. I think the best approach would just to tell him that he can't stay over on school nights. have this re-inforced by your mum/mil and explain that he can stay another night, but on school nights he must stay at home. I think you need to be strong in your approach so he (and mum/mil) know you mean business!

  4. #4
    carang's Avatar
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    you need to remember you are the PARENT not the friend. it is your job to raise your child in the manner that YOU wish. it is NOT up to him where he sleeps. it is up to you, his mother! parents today are too afraid of saying no to their child/ren. it doesn't help your child, it hinders them. they NEED boundaries.

    the other posters are completely correct. EVERYONE must be on the same page when it comes to this. you need to sit down with your husband at a quiet time to discuss this. he needs to know how you feel when your child doesn't want to sleep at home. he needs to know that for the good of your child, you need to agree on this and stand together. once you've done this, then you AND hubby need to approach granny and have the same conversation. but make sure you are NOT asking her permission. that you are explaining how YOU want things done and for the good of the child, you need to back each other up.

    i can't imagine how i'd feel if my child refused to sleep at home...

  5. #5
    T.S
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    Dear all,

    Thank you all for your advice. I will talk to my hubby first. My son also refused to come home tonight. I talked to him firmly and said that he needed to do his homework but it didn't work because all others said that he can stay over at granny's place. It's killing me but I know it's going to take some time. I will keep on trying.

  6. #6
    lesliefu is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by T.S View Post
    Dear all,

    Thank you all for your advice. I will talk to my hubby first. My son also refused to come home tonight. I talked to him firmly and said that he needed to do his homework but it didn't work because all others said that he can stay over at granny's place. It's killing me but I know it's going to take some time. I will keep on trying.
    Another thing would be to keep it to having sleep overs at grannies on fixed days of the week - say T/Th, so that it is like a reward for good behavior, finishing homework, etc. and it can be taken away when the above are not followed. Of course you would need to talk with hubby and be on the same page as all others have suggested too. It will take time, but I'm sure your MIL will understand in time...good luck!

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    carang's Avatar
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    good luck!

  8. #8
    sho135 is offline Registered User
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    It's a great idea to use staying at Granny's as a 'reward', for example you could make a star chart at home and he can stay once he's done his homework.
    I totally agree that you need to get Granny and your husband on the same page as you before you try to tackle this problem. If I was your son, I would rather be at a place with no work and lots of toys too than a place where I had to do lots of work! If you tell your son 'you're coming home' and they undermine you, of course your son is not going to agree with you, and will learn not to listen to what you say. Once you are all on the same page, you HAVE to stick by your new rules, i.e. no matter how much he tantrums, do not change your mind - otherwise he will never get the message that 'no means no' and will learn that persistance (with tantrums) pays. Be warned, that you will probably see an increase in tantrums etc before things get better - this is normal, ride it through.
    You should also make an effort to make the time you spend at home more fun for your son -play games with him, perhaps have toys or treats that are only available at home, not at Granny's (but of course, only when he is behaving appropriately - don't use things to bribe him). The time you spend with him should be at least 80% quality/fun and 20% homework. You can try and make homework fun too, with rewards for good behaviour and effort (not achievement).
    Also, I would recommend that if you haven't let your son's teacher know what's happening you should probably have a chat - I'm sure she will be sympathetic about the homework etc.

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