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Does anyone know anyone who's been in my situation?

  1. #1
    laminkins is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Aug 2009

    Does anyone know anyone who's been in my situation?

    Hi All Moms and Moms-to-be

    Would be great if i can get some help/ support here. I am due in a few weeks. This is my first baby. Unfortunately my husband decided to start a relationship with someone else a few months ago and has pretty much left me and the unborn child to rot (he would like to 'help', i.e. if I need to go to hospital, he may drive me there). This was a planned pregnancy and we have been married for 3 years. We are both in our 30s and do not have any financial problems.

    I am absolutely devastated as I had thought we would be welcoming a new member to our family together. We had even talked about moving back to his hometown in US when the child's a bit older. Of course now all these are history and I have been really struggling to keep it all together. On top of having to cope with being cheated on/ abandoned during my time of need, I have to cope with the fact that I will need to raise the child all by myself.

    I am fortunate to have family here and they have been very supportive. Friends have been good too. However, everyday is a still a big struggle for me.

    I would really appreciate if anyone out there have any support/ advice/ words of wisdom for me.

  2. #2
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Sai Kung

    i am very sorry to hear that at what should be the happiest time of your life, your husband has decided to be a louse. I don't have any words of wisdom or advice except to accept any and all help from family and friends. you are NOT alone.

    i do know somone that was in exactly the same position as you now find yourself. after the baby was born, she decided to move back "home" with the baby.

    if you need a shoulder to cry on, feel free to send me a pm.

    good luck! i'll be thinking about you.

  3. #3
    lesliefu is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    South District

    I really feel for you and your baby...but, like you say, you have family and friends here, which is a great blessing! Focus on them and your baby - it might just be a blessing in disguise since it'd probably be even worse if you found out after giving birth. Now, you can hopefully focus all your energy on preparing for your baby's arrival and afterwards on raising your child. Family is the most important thing - you're lucky they are here with you in HK and so supportive! :) Keep smiling and think positive - you have so much to look forward to, so don't spend time thinking unhappy thoughts.

  4. #4
    Frenchy is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Ap Lei Chau

    It might be hard to see right now, but things are always happening for a good reason, and for some better times.
    One of my friend saw the dad of her unborn child leave her... she's been wise to tell him that the door was opened if he wanted to meet the child, of participate to his life later. They never had a row about the situation, as there was nothing to do about it anyway.
    She had a son, took care of him with the help of her friends and family, and she met someone ! she got married and because she was in good contact with the father of her son, he accepted that the new guy adopted the little boy. Since she had another son and everything is going really fine !
    Good luck, take care of yourselves and of your baby, you are going to need eachothers !

  5. #5
    dimsum mum is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Pokfulam Hong Kong

    Hang on...he would LIKE to help but isn't willing to commit further than if you need a ride to hospital he MAY give you a ride?

    You and your baby deserve more than this. For your sake, for the baby's sake and for his new relationship's sake, he needs to figure out his involvement and priorities. If he isn't able to give anything, don't worry. It will be all right and you and your child will be fine.

    Yes everyone's life is in transition right now (his and yours), but raising a child is a massive event. You need to know what you can depend on. Frenchy is right, he is the father, it is good to leave the door open, but it doesn't have to be on his terms. Frenchy also very rightly pointed out there is more to fathering than DNA.

    I am very glad you have a large network of support here.

  6. #6
    MilkMonster is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Aug 2007

    What a jerk.

    You can totally do this!!! Pick someone (and a back up person) close to you to be there for the birth and just ask for help when you need it. With the help of your family and friends (and a good helper), you just need to get through the first 6mths of sleep deprivation and things will get better. Just hang in there!! Take it one day at a time. A new baby is overwhelming and tiring at first but have faith that everything will be ok!! you can do this!!!

  7. #7
    banane76 is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Hong Kong

    Wow! Talk about a loser! Sorry, but he can a "man" do this! Lean on your family and friends! Good luck!

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