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  1. #9
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Interesting question, Gataloca.

    I think that whether or not people feel jealousy when a DH starts taking care of their child totally depends on the parent and the situation.

    In my case, I took care of my son by myself for over a year and we had a lot of problems. Breastfeeding was a nightmare that I endured for 6 months. I was very isolated because of where we live and I had physical problems that made taking care of a baby really almost more than I could bear.

    Although, I really loved my son and by the time he was a year old we had a tight bond, going back to work for me was a sanity-saver and I was grateful to have some away-from-baby time. So, that really influenced how I saw a DH coming into the picture. I saw a DH as a huge blessing to my family as it allowed me to have quality time with my son even though I wasn't having a lot of quantity time with him. I found that I enjoyed being around my son even more because I didn't have to be around him every waking moment of every single day--this made our time together a lot more joyous, I think.

    But, then again, I was there to see all my son's major milestones--his first teeth, his first solid foods, the first time he rolled over, when he started to crawl, his first steps, his first words...all of those milestones that happen in the first year. So, maybe that's why it wasn't so hard for me to depend on a DH at first.

    But, now that my son is getting older there has two times when I sort of felt a sadness in my heart by the way my son reacted to my helper. One time was when he told me that one of his new kittens was his and the other was the helper's which left no kitten for mama. The other time was when he hurt his finger and went to the DH for her to **** it instead of me. It's just those tiny little things that sometimes make me feel like, "Am I being replaced?"

    But the truth is that everything I do in life carries some sort of compromise and I know that if I were to go back to taking care of my son full-time I would not be as healthy mentally or content as a person as I am now and what is best for my son is to have a healthy and content mama.

    I will say that having a DH has made me a lot more vigilant about carving out quality time for my son and I together--and we have developed our own rituals--I give him a bath every night. I read to him every night. We go out on "Mama and Son Dates" to the park and knowing that there is no one in the world who loves him quite as much or quite like I do keeps the jealousy at bay, I think.

  2. #10
    emmadhesi is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Hong Kong
    Thank you for posting this enquiry and for the responses - I am going through a lot of these issues at the moment and it is very reassuring to know that I'm not alone with my insecurities! My helper is absolutely fabulous but it does leave me feeling a bit redundant at times, not to mention a complete novice!

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