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what should i do?

  1. #1
    mummymoo is offline Registered User
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    what should i do?

    Months ago we moved homes and as I have a very heavy work load, the responsibility for the move primary fell on my DH and as he likes to outsource (not my style) our helpers. The move went well except that now I am missing 2 bottles of expensive perfume, one opened (tresor), one unopened (chanel). Basically I nearly never use them, and they were gifts, so I hadn't missed them but my mum asked me to buy her perfume from HK before I flew home for chrissie and I told her I had a bottle and she could have it.....so hence started to hunt about and could not find it.....so hence asked the helpers if they knew where it was.
    Both of them seemed relatively uncomfortable when asked and one of them told me they had thrown them out/left it at the old place, which I don't really believe as during the move even empty paper bags (like from great/city super/godiva recycled to carry things to work ect) were moved into our home. Also the old home is owned by friends of ours who moved in the next day after we moved out (as I tried to go and have a quick check of the home to see if everything was in order the day after the big move with my DD in hand, and had to flee as I found them moving in.....really embarrassing for me!), and they deny anything being left behind, gave us back our bond, happy with our care of their place ect.
    My conundrum is this, I to this point have really trusted both helpers and feel I treat them fairly, and generally well. I'm pretty open and honest to them, particularly then one I have had for near 2.5 years now, who I've seen blossom into quite a confident and happy creature since the time she has been with us. I had a serious talk to them this morning which kind of did not go down too well where I reiterated that trust was really important to me and that quite frankly, given we never throw anything away in the home without my vetting it first, I found it hard to believe the 'thrown it away' answer. One of my girlfriends suggested that I fine them but I don't think that is the right way to go. I asked them to go away and think about what I said about trust and honesty, and then come back and talk to me about what happened to the perfume later on.
    This has me really upset...not so much for the missing perfume but for the trust that I feel has been violated. Do you think its likely that the perfume was really thrown out as purported and what should I do next if no one owns up to anything. To be quite frank, if one of them told me they had taken it because they thought I didn't want it anymore, I could deal with this better than lying outright to my face about it. At least with getting everything on the table we can discuss why they can't just take things from the home even if they think I don't want them. Thanks in advance for your comments and advice.

  2. #2
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    perhaps it has been misplaced. perhaps they took them thinking you didn't want them any more.

    the problem is this: you don't know where they are. you also don't know for certain that the helpers have helped themselves.

    as such, you have no recourse and you have a choice: either get rid of the helper so that you can start fresh or forget about it and move on. without proof you have no basis whatsoever to "fine" them, neither do you have proof that one or the other has taken anything that doesn't belong to them.

  3. #3
    mummymoo is offline Registered User
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    Carang, thanks for your advice. As it turns out my helper who I trust a great deal pretty much confessed me that they kind of took the perfume thinking I didn't want it anymore and offered to pay for it. I could see she was really upset about it, and really regretted her actions. We had a heart to heart and I told her that it upset me because I trusted her a great deal and for me the relationship is definitely more important than the perfume. We patched things up, and of course I didn't require her to pay for the perfume. What kind of bothers me is that my other helper is more flippant about the whole thing.......though I guess now she is under no illusions as to what is acceptable in my home. Generally I'm satisfied with the outcome.....as my mum always told me, honesty is the best policy both for me and my helpers.

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    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    I'm so glad it has worked out for you.

  5. #5
    mummymoo is offline Registered User
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    Thanks Carang!

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