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Poll: At the birth of his child(ren), the father of my children's role is/was:

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The Other Side of the Glass

  1. #1
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    The Other Side of the Glass

    I think this is going to be a very worthwhile documentary that explores some issues that are personally close to my heart--including a man's role in the birth of his children.

    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  2. #2
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    "Men would welcome training if you would just offer it to them. And if you believe making better babies is the way to make a better world then you'd better start with the fathers because in the beginning they are half the equation."

    -quote from film
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  3. #3
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    i only WISH my hubby could have been by my side, especially at the birth of our first child. it was an emergency c-section and as such, he wasn't allowed into the OR. what i couldn't understand was this: i was having the operation because of the onset of pre-eclampsia, high blood pressure...but having my husband there to hold my hand through it would have calmed my absolutely terrified nerves and eased the pain (epidural didn't work properly)...i thought that his presence would only have served to put me more at ease and help me relax through one of the most traumatic and painful experiences of my life.

    for my second, it wouldn't have mattered one way or the other as it was a c-section under general anesthesia and i slept through the entire procedure.

  4. #4
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by carang View Post
    i only WISH my hubby could have been by my side, especially at the birth of our first child. it was an emergency c-section and as such, he wasn't allowed into the OR. what i couldn't understand was this: i was having the operation because of the onset of pre-eclampsia, high blood pressure...but having my husband there to hold my hand through it would have calmed my absolutely terrified nerves and eased the pain (epidural didn't work properly)...i thought that his presence would only have served to put me more at ease and help me relax through one of the most traumatic and painful experiences of my life.

    for my second, it wouldn't have mattered one way or the other as it was a c-section under general anesthesia and i slept through the entire procedure.
    At the hospital I gave birth at--no matter if the c-section is emergency or not--you are allowed to have your partner present with you and that was written into my birth plan. In fact, my husband never left my side throughout labor and after my son was born even though I needed emergency care he followed my son wherever he went in the hospital so all procedures and tests were done with my husband present and he has video of all of the procedures being performed (I just watched those clips again tonight with my son because he likes to see what he looked like on that first night as he was getting his first bath and foot prints and also hearing tests and APGAR tests done). These things were written into my birth plan and were completely honored by the hospital I chose to give birth at.

    And yes, the primary function of having the father there at the birth is to bring calm to the mother. It makes absolutely no sense to send him out of the room--unless you only see humans as mechanical beings without any psychological or emotional needs (which most of the medical field, to some degree, does). I'm sorry you had to go through that trauma alone--that was injustice to you, your husband and your child.

    In the book "Husband-Coached Childbirth" by Robert A. Bradley (MD) he talks about how conception of a child is a sacred time and in the same way, when a child is born, the person responsible (the father) for that child's life is the best person to "whisper sweet nothings" in the ear of the mother to comfort her and encourage her during birth. It's a full circle that comes complete at birth and also marks the beginning of life which in almost every culture is honored as a mysterious and sacred time.

    So, Dr. Bradley talks about how in the 1950s-style "knock 'em out (with drugs), drag 'em (the babies) out" of medicalised birth that became the norm after WW II, the doctor or anaesthesiologist replaced the husband at the head of the bed next to the woman in labor. But, he talks about that place of honor should be reserved for the man who is father to the child because only he truly has the right to be the one the woman leans on in labor.
    Last edited by thanka2; 12-23-2010 at 11:14 PM.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  5. #5
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    "Yes, we have rights when we go into a hospital. But, often we don't know our rights. And just as we have rights, that baby has rights."

    "Because I'm an obstetrician...I read the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists website--and throughout the website for their physicians there is sentence after sentence about the sanctity of the woman's right to self-determination and how we should never interfere with her ability to either choose or refuse a procedure. What happens, though, in modern medicine is that patients are not given true informed consent...what they're given is skewed informed consent."- Stewart Fishbein, MD, FACOG, Obstetrician

    "A hospital is a complex cultural system and everyone has their role. And it resists change and it resists non-conformity. So, if there is a way that all or most physicians that do things then there is an immense amount of pressure on all physicians to do things that way"- Elizabeth Alleman, MD
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  6. #6
    Papaya is offline Registered User
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    I would even take this a step further and say that if the parents wish it, the father is the best person to hold and guide the mother and catch the baby. My husband grew up imagining that he would one day pace the hospital corridors like his father did when he was born - but it was not so.

    Our little one came into the world with just him and me in the room. My husband first panicked about the intensity of my contractions and tried his hardest to get me to hospital. When he saw the head coming out and realized that that the hospital was not to be he took over, held me while I squatted and guided my breathing as baby came out. He somehow managed to hold me and catch the baby at the same time, and later help us both climb up onto a bed.

    Yes, I believe we can birth our children alone, but Daddy's participation adds to the beauty and peace of birth.

  7. #7
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by Papaya View Post
    I would even take this a step further and say that if the parents wish it, the father is the best person to hold and guide the mother and catch the baby. My husband grew up imagining that he would one day pace the hospital corridors like his father did when he was born - but it was not so.

    Our little one came into the world with just him and me in the room. My husband first panicked about the intensity of my contractions and tried his hardest to get me to hospital. When he saw the head coming out and realized that that the hospital was not to be he took over, held me while I squatted and guided my breathing as baby came out. He somehow managed to hold me and catch the baby at the same time, and later help us both climb up onto a bed.

    Yes, I believe we can birth our children alone, but Daddy's participation adds to the beauty and peace of birth.
    Your experience sounds very interesting indeed! Did you give birth here in Hong Kong? I think that fathers have a huge role to play in birth and shouldn't just be viewed as a "nice accessory" or as is often the case "a nuissance" (by the hospital staff). In my case, I view my husband as my biggest advocate and truly the one guiding a lot of the birthing experience. I had another checkup in the public hospital yesterday where they explained a lot of the admission rules and procedures and I found that it actually is up to the discretion of the hospital staff at the time you're admitted whether or not your husband is allowed to accompany you throughout labor and birth--even though the video showed that women may be accompanied by their husbands. Then I spoke with a woman who had given birth at that hospital who said some of the women were not allowed to have their husbands with them. To me, that would be absolutely intolerable during labor.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  8. #8
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by Papaya View Post
    I would even take this a step further and say that if the parents wish it, the father is the best person to hold and guide the mother and catch the baby. My husband grew up imagining that he would one day pace the hospital corridors like his father did when he was born - but it was not so.

    Our little one came into the world with just him and me in the room. My husband first panicked about the intensity of my contractions and tried his hardest to get me to hospital. When he saw the head coming out and realized that that the hospital was not to be he took over, held me while I squatted and guided my breathing as baby came out. He somehow managed to hold me and catch the baby at the same time, and later help us both climb up onto a bed.

    Yes, I believe we can birth our children alone, but Daddy's participation adds to the beauty and peace of birth.
    Your experience sounds very interesting indeed! Did you give birth here in Hong Kong? I think that fathers have a huge role to play in birth and shouldn't just be viewed as a "nice accessory" or as is often the case "a nuissance" (by the hospital staff). In my case, I view my husband as my biggest advocate and truly the one guiding a lot of the birthing experience. I had another checkup in the public hospital yesterday where they explained a lot of the admission rules and procedures and I found that it actually is up to the discretion of the hospital staff at the time you're admitted whether or not your husband is allowed to accompany you throughout labor and birth--even though the video showed that women may be accompanied by their husbands. Then I spoke with a woman who had given birth at that hospital who said some of the women were not allowed to have their husbands with them. To me, that would be absolutely intolerable during labor.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

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