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Desperate for advises and comments from other people!

  1. #49
    lesliefu is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by carang View Post
    leslie, you are making perfect sense. even so, i disagree with you 100%. i think it may come down to cultural differences though.... there is no way i would live with my parents having them pay for everything if i have my own family and a way to make my own income. no way.

    when my brother and his family decided to move to canada from the uk, they lived in my mum's basement while my brother worked and went to university for his second degree. they paid my mum rent and paid for their own food/toys/car payments and all other expenses. the rent they paid was only $300/month, but at least they were contributing and basically paying their own way with a little help from mum.... to me, that is VASTLY different to what is going on with the OP. if that was happening, then i'd agree with you, leslie, it IS best for the family. BUT right now, it seems that the OP and hubby are not contributing to the household in any way and in fact are making use of the 4 helpers and driver, eating parent's food, enjoying parent's generosity with regards to rent-free etc. this doesn't help them. it only makes them more dependent. whereas what my mum did helped my brother and his family while they worked towards independence.
    I think it IS cultural...my mom would die (and she has) before she would take any money from us...i had to forcibly buy grocery without her knowing in order to "contribute" or pay the bills before she saw them...only worked a couple times though. but now with her gone, i have in fact learnt the ins and outs of running a household and maintaining a job at the same time.

  2. #50
    constancefaith is offline Registered User
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    Yup Leslie, we're gonna be ten minutes drive away from them hehe. Somehow the inside me still wants to go back, I just never liked HK ever. I guess when the time comes, when we can afford it, we'll ask my parents to come with us.

    I can deal with disagreements, but to kind of jump into conclusions without even reading the threat carefully does frustrates me. I understand people are trying to help but when it comes down to different opinions and such, I think it requires more understanding in differences in cultural. Because I do, and I respect that.

    Leslie, I believe it to be a cultural thing too. Living at home when you're not 100% capable of being on your own aid the child in a very different way to the western way. Each cultural has their own advantage, each person has their own way of raising their kids.
    I am grateful to my parents, but I think hubby is getting TOO comfortable.

  3. #51
    TheQuasimother is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by constancefaith View Post
    ... but I think hubby is getting TOO comfortable.
    I don't think your hubby would be the only one! Mine constantly forgets that we don't have a fulltime helper and still acts like we do! LOL!

    Maybe cut back on the helpers for now?
    “If you want to get to the castle, you’ve got to swim the moat.” Richard Jenkins in Eat Pray Love

  4. #52
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    excuse me... i HAVE read the thread carefully. more than once. it doesn't change the fact that you keep changing "facts" to suit the responses.

    as i have said, my brother was in EXACTLY the same position as you are in. he DID go to school. he DID work. he DID have a 3 year old and a wife (stay-at-home-mum) to support. he DID have assistance from my mother. BUT these seem to be two VASTLY different situations. HE was working his butt off to get out of the situation. HE was paying rent. he wasn't sitting around moaning about 4 helpers, a 10000' house, a driver and parents who want to give him everything. he spent 3 years living in my mum's basement with his family. when he finished school and got his first teaching post, they moved IMMEDIATELY into their own house.

    on one hand, you complain about lack of independence and your lazy husband. but when someone suggests you change the situation, you get defensive and change "we only pay for our daughter's things" to "we pay for everything. i bought my own house. we will move into it...." do you see where the problem is? if you had been up front from the begining, maybe responses would have been different.... just maybe...

  5. #53
    constancefaith is offline Registered User
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    Perhaps it wouldve been. But I'm not changing the facts to suit each person who's replying. I'm simply providing more details to clear of any misunderstanding or misleading.
    I'm not doubting your brothers capabilities, in fact its admirable.
    I'm sorry if you get the feeling I'm "moaning" or even "showing off" my situation. As I've said earlier, in some people's eyes these are luxuries. For me, its a bad living zone because you begin to dependent on other people.
    As I've said, I didn't think it was necessary to bring up the apartment I bought to a question of "whether to stay in HK or go back to Sydney".
    We have one here and one in Sydney, to me it doesn't make a difference to stay here or go back.
    It was only when people started questioning our lack of independence that I thought would be a good thing to let you know the details.
    I'm Sorry if I offended you in any way? I didn't thought it was necessary to bring out all the details for a question to stay or leave.
    Anyhow, no disrespect to your family or western cultural. So, I hope we cleared up.
    Posted via Mobile Device

  6. #54
    constancefaith is offline Registered User
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    QM, the helpers are there for my mom. Has been there even when this house was vacant, cos they come in everyday.

    We'll be moving in a month or so.. Starting from scratch!

    I think all husband will eventually, hahaha. Poor women, bear the pain from childbirth, breast feeding, change of body shapes, lack of sleep, and housework.

    Cheers to all mummies out there! Stay at home mom AND working mom!
    Posted via Mobile Device

  7. #55
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    The hk apartment is on mortgage and I, personally, bought it myself.
    The sydney apartment is bought by my mom.
    Just curious, and maybe I'm asking too much information here (and feel free to not respond if I am), but how were you able to afford to buy the apartment yourself if you are so young and you've said that you cannot survive financially without your parents (at least that's what I gather from the previous posts, correct me if I'm wrong)? Again, just curious.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  8. #56
    constancefaith is offline Registered User
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    I worked as a translator for a firm in Sydney for 4 years. 25aud per hour, 6 days a week, 5hours min. Each day.
    I had the down payment, but I wouldn't have granted that mortgage if my mother wasn't my guarantor.

    On the side, I was also doing business in Australia for my father as an "international sales manager" I receive 7% commission for every contract I land.
    Money wasn't the reason why I lived at parents house.
    When I say we won't financially survive is the family expectation standards in hk.
    We wouldn't have to care about "the fame" of the kindi we take daughter to in au. If we send daughter to "not so famous" school in hk, friends and relatives of mother will kinda.. Look down on you. And I'm okay with that, its my mom's face.
    Posted via Mobile Device

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