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Opinions desired - Working/Pregnant mother with Toddler

  1. #9
    Liquorice is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Hong Kong

    Hi Pinki09,

    I have actually just quit my job because of some of the reasons you talk about.

    It was a difficult decision to make. Like you, I have always been academic and successful professionally. I have also always been financially independent. I think when you talk about 'identity crisis', I understand what you mean. I was quite scared of suddenly stopping working and staying at home with my baby. I was also scared of giving up my salary and having to ask my husband for money for things. I also earn very well and wondered whether it was better for the family to earn as much money as possible to give my child the best opportunities. But ultimately, I don't want my baby to grow up with my helper as the main person in his life. He is now 3 months old and when he was only 6 weeks old my helper "warned" me that very often children are more attached to their helpers, and launched into this story about the last family she worked for and how the son wanted to stay with her instead of moving back to Australia with his family.... It hadn't even occurred to me that something like that could happen (not coming from a country where domestic help is common) and I became quite upset.

    My helper is great with my son and loves children, and of course I would much rather have her than some helpers I see to whom looking after children is just a job. I want him to have as much love in his life as possible, but I am his mother and I want to be the main person there for him.

    So over last weekend I decided to give it all up and I sent an email to my boss telling her I will be handing in my notice on my return from maternity leave.

    The way I have dealt with my fears, though, is to make sure that I continue to develop myself by going back to university. I am planning on doing another degree on a part time basis which will be perfect as I can be at home a lot with my child yet still have my own interests and work towards another career in the future. Maybe you could try finding some course / qualification in your industry that you could study on a part-time basis. I think freelancing or going part-time is also a really good idea. That turned out not be feasible for me.

    Anyway, best of luck with your decision. Try not to feel bad about things - trust your instincts and I'm sure it will all work out for the best.

  2. #10
    1sttimemom is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Hong Kong

    Hi Pinki09,

    I too chose to quit my job and stay at home just a few months ago. It all started when my husband got an offer to transfer to Beijing and gain more exposure in his job. I supported him, and next thing I knew, I was pregnant. Great timing, I know. :)

    Being in BJ meant that we were close to his hometown, so while I have no helper to deal with, I have a mother-in-law to deal with (I don't know which is more of a challenge: helper or MIL:). Once I saw how his nieces/nephews were being raised in modern day China (and this is another story on its own), I decided I would quit my job, stay at home and raise her how I think is best.

    Fast forward through the rest of my pregnancy, the birth in HK and now my LO is 8 months old and we have been in Beijing for 5 months.

    It has been TOUGH. Being a new mom, in a new place, with a new baby and a new "job" AND living with the MIL. I miss my old life - I had a job I loved and I had been financially independent. Darn it. :)

    BUT I don't regret my choice.

    I get to watch her wake up everyday (love it) and every day she seems different. Older, wiser, chubbier :)
    It's exhausting, for sure, but the benefits are there. I still have to defend my "style" with my MIL, but it's much better than only being able to comment on weekends and not knowing what happens when I am away. I have full control over how she sleeps, eats, and plays. She enjoys her time with grandma, but I am her best playmate and I am very happy to be able to be at home for her.

    Good luck with your decision, whatever it may be. There's a lot of great advice here. Trust yourself.

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