Domestic Helper Disciplining your children
- 03-09-2011, 03:55 PM #9
I think part of the problem is that now a day, local couples only have one child. Parents would try to provide everything that they can afford to them, and as that, they get spoiled and don't learn to share. As the only child, they don't learn how to play with other kids either.
About the local parenting style, I really get annoyed going to shopping malls during weekend. Parents just let their kids run freely everywhere inside the mall. When I was pregnant, I had to be extra cautious not to be run over by a crazy overactive kid!
- 03-09-2011, 04:43 PM #10
also, keep in mind that parenting one child is COMPLETELY different than parenting two or more children. my son was the absolute perfect baby/toddler...it wasn't until his younger sister was about 18 months old that they "gang up" on the parents. they goad each other on and it can get out of hand very easily. i'm a rather strict parent and have on occasion yelled at and even spanked my kids in public. there are times that nothing else will work, believe me, i've tried.
there is also a difference between giving a smack or a spanking on the bottom and beating your child senseless. of course, i am in no way condoning the latter. a smack or spanking is NEVER my first choice of discipline, and my kids are always warned that if they do something again, that will be the outcome. we also employ other disciplinary measures most of the time (removing toys, early bedtimes, no tv etc).
between hubby and i, i think that we manage a fairly good balance with discipline.
i will say, that as a playgroup teacher, i have heard dozens of helpers say that they are not allowed to discipline in any way, shape or form. those same parents are the ones that don't want to spend their 1.5 days off/week disciplining their kids, so sadly, these kids get no discipline whatsoever.
- 03-09-2011, 07:51 PM #11Registered User
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
- Hong Kong
Is the playroom that you go to have age restrictions? If there are, don't be afraid to kick them out or find a supervisor or something. I'm not afraid to tell kids off especially when they're guardian doesn't care or is not around. It's not right to have a toddler area and kids over 5 have taken over and are being obnoxious! And if their parents have a problem, don't be afraid to talk to them too. It's not fair for a 1 year old to have to compete with 7 year olds being rude and mean.
- 03-09-2011, 10:00 PM #12Registered User
- Join Date
- May 2009
The biggest problem I have nowadays at the outdoor playgrounds in HK is that the older kids run around on them and are dangerous for the littler ones--they will climb on top of the slides and jump down not looking to see if there are younger kids around. Also, there are often teenagers hanging out in the tube slides eating their McDonalds food and doing who knows what else. Makes me really wish that it was possible for us to have our own backyard with a swingset like I had when I was growing up--such a luxury in HK though.
Oh, and I also am really not scared at all to tell anyone who messes with my kid off--or kids who are being reckless and dangerous but sometimes it just becomes like that's the only thing I end up doing when we go to the playground which makes it miserable for me.
- 03-09-2011, 10:47 PM #13
I do notice that my helper has a completely different "style" of discipline to me. She is more prone to "shriek" a bit at my daughter, and use "negative reinforcement" rather than positive (for example, we are potty training and when my daughter wets her pants, I will say "Oh well, next time we can remember to use the potty ok?" whereas she will say "Oh no - now you won't get any M&Ms this time! You didn't use the potty - no reward for you!!". She will also say things to motivate my daughter to do something, for example if she doesn't want to get dressed, she will say "The ants will bite you unless you put your clothes on!" - I've heard other helpers (not mine) threaten children with things like "I'll call the police because you're being naughty" and personally that crosses a line for me - children should know that (generally) police are people that they can trust if they are ever in trouble rather than people to be afraid of.
My opinion is that if my helper's "style" works and doesn't really offend me, I just let her do it her way. There are times that I have asked her to NOT say or do a particular thing - like I really don't like the "untruths" like the ants will bite you etc... and she will comply... but I have told her that she MUST make my daughter obey her. And my daughter is quite good with her actually (sometimes I think she is better behaved for my helper than she is for me!!)
I do think that helpers NEED to be the authoritative figure, not just a "servant" and the parents are the ones who make sure that they are in that kind of a role. Children are smart and if they know that the helper is not authorised to correct them, they will abuse that and then they might as well not be supervised at all...
- 03-10-2011, 10:14 AM #14Registered User
- Join Date
- Dec 2010
- Hong kong island
I agree some of it is cultural difference. "lies" like ants will bite you is acceptable lies to kids in Asia, just like Santa and tooth fairy. And these lies actually gets practical results! Same thing with police, in many places police are corrupt and bad.
Why is "naughty" a bad word to use?
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- 03-10-2011, 11:59 AM #15
LOL! The ants "lie" is not a lie after all... If you go out, you are more likely to get bug bites on spots that are not covered by clothes...... and yeah, why is "naughty" a bad word to use????
- 03-10-2011, 12:24 PM #16
I don't think that ants are going to bite any kid running around in the nude in their own house, and I don't think that there's anything wrong if my daughter wants to take half an hour to get dressed after a bath, provided that she's warm enough and doesn't need to go out. When my helper tells my daughter things that simply are not true, I tell my daughter "No, that's not true - the truth is (xyz)" (for example, I tell her "We don't have any ants in our house. They won't bite you. But Aunty wants you to put your clothes on because she's afraid that you'll get cold.") And at least for my daughter, I find that she responds better to that than to empty threats. (as a completely different side-note, we also don't tell our children that Santa is real etc. They don't get gifts from Santa. But I'm not "anti-Santa", I just feel uncomfortable with pretending that he is a magical person who watches whether they are good or not and brings them presents on Christmas).
I don't think that "naughty" is bad in and of itself but I do think that a) it should be used in moderation, not for every little thing, and b) it should be used to describe actions, not the child themselves. I don't want my daughter to hear all day long "You're a naughty girl" for everything that she does that really is just normal two year old behaviour. I do want her to learn that it's not acceptable to hit or throw or run onto the road and I don't mind it when people say "Throwing toys is a naughty thing to do" for example...
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