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Domestic Helper Disciplining your children

  1. #17
    Gracey is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Hong Kong

    My experience, looking at my extended local family, is that many parents expect way too much of their helpers.
    These aren't highly trained, highly-paid professional nannies, with set work hours and a certain degree of respect. Many work crazy hours doing all sorts of housework, as well as child and elderly care, and then sleep in a cot in a spare corner.
    They are often publicly berated by the family members, and are given no authority. Kids can sense this pretty quickly.
    Because "amahs" are considered "inferior" -- like servants -- they are not allowed to act "superior" to Hong Kong kids. They're in an impossible situation. They can't use discipline, but they are expected to excel at the extremely tough job of parenting.
    BTW, I'm not saying ALL HK parents are like this.
    It's tough for everyone. God willing, I get through this high-risk pregnancy, I will become a working mom. I will have to leave my child in the hands of a helper sometimes, too. But, hopefully, I will give her the support and training she needs.

  2. #18
    twimomako is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Mar 2011

    dear all, i love reading your comments.

    Quote Originally Posted by thanka2 View Post

    My mom tells a story of me when I was about 5-years-old and we were getting ready to go to church on a Sunday. She sat me down before we left the house and said, "Okay, do you want your spankings now or after church?" I was shocked and said, "But Mommy, I didn't do anything wrong yet!" She said, "I know, but every time we go to church you are really naughty and I always have to spank you so maybe if I spank you before church we won't have to do it at church, right?" I was a pretty well-behaved girl that day she says.

    I lost most of my new clothes one time because I refused and refused to put away my laundry. My mom went and took all of my clothes out of the laundry basket and put them in a garbage bag and gave them to all my friends and neighbors so I got the "pleasurable reminder" of my actions every time I saw one of my friends wearing my favorite new t-shirt. I think I was about 8-years-old. And, I can tell you for sure that my mom didn't say everything in a sweet whisper and I definitely earned myself some spankings as well. But, this is just the type of kid I was. It's different for everyone.
    @thanka: I love to listen and learn from experiences of others. and I so love how your mom had it and will give a twist and do it to my children. We may have different cultures but children need their own dose of discipline. They need to learn it the hard (but not the mean) way at times.

    Here's my 2 cents though:
    It's really best to set up cameras in strategic places. But in our house, I didnt have one also, but I told the nanny that I had. A concerned neighbor also looks after the kids once in a while (because both me and my husband were working before) to tell us what's happening. I, especially, am fearful of abuses from nannies, so keep watch on kids' behavioral clues for abuses and I really ask tricky questions so my kids would tell how they had their day.

    Regarding DH disciplining the kids, I am from the Philippines, and I know most DHs there came from here. The old folks in the province really like to tell exaggerated stories about ants biting or ghosts upstairs to take them when they're naughty, or a policeman nearby, and so on. Parents in the present age are not like these anymore. But of course, those living in the province might still have this idea. Or merely naming them "naughty" or "you're a bad boy". all because they didnt know! It's sad but true, because, again, they didn't know.

    I've had a handful of nannies and on their first day I give them guidelines:
    - never call them "naughty" or "bad boy": it's what they've done that's bad not them
    - never scare them and tell them that they'll be given to ghosts or policeman for doing bad
    - MOST ESPECIALLY, never yell and spank. If they did something wrong, whatever it is, report it to me or my husband. Correct the child at the very moment and if he didn't listen, tell him daddy's gonna learn about this. the nanny's job is to look after them, but the disciplining is the parent's job. even grandparents should not give this, only the parents should.

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