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Stand and Deliver: My most recent birth experience

  1. #49
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gracey View Post
    2. Thanka -- My husband does have issues with medical procedures, something like a phobia. It's no lack of love or support on his behalf.. I'm thinking seriously about whether it would be better for both of us if he's not expected to be my birthing partner. But, of course, I want him there for as much of it as possible.
    Totally understood. I think that without a lot of intensive training to get their minds around childbirth and ability to accept what's going to take place, most men aren't really the best birth partners. But, the flip side of that is that men can prepare themselves for birth just as women do and get over their phobias if they are willing. However, you really don't want anyone in that room with you who is going to add extra stress because during labor you don't need to be mentally focused on how your husband is doing--it should be the other way around. Hope that you can get things worked out and have a ready and able birth partner or doula with you. Have a happy birth!

  2. #50
    TNT
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    Thanka2 you are so right about the fact that you want someone to be mentally focussed on you and supportive. And also about the fact that men can prepare themselves in the same way as women. My husband could not understand at all why i wanted a natural birth, but was prepared to learn. He went to the course with me, read lots and was a fantastic birth partner both times. But he needed to learn what he was getting himself into to get there.

  3. #51
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by TNT View Post
    Thanka2 you are so right about the fact that you want someone to be mentally focussed on you and supportive. And also about the fact that men can prepare themselves in the same way as women. My husband could not understand at all why i wanted a natural birth, but was prepared to learn. He went to the course with me, read lots and was a fantastic birth partner both times. But he needed to learn what he was getting himself into to get there.
    I think that all along in most of my posts regarding pregnancy that maybe the biggest point I was trying to get across that although childbirth is natural, it doesn't really come naturally for most people--whether they are the mother or her birth partner/husband. I think there is this strange belief that one can just go throughout pregnancy and minimally prepare and then go through labor without meds or interventions--that it will all just "come to me" when I'm in the heat of the moment. While this may be the case with a small number of women, I think that most women (and men) who do this really are doing themselves and their babies at a disservice.

    Sure, it's fine to take some prenatal classes to become aware of what goes on in birth but some people leave it at that (or don't even take a class)--but honestly that's more "head knowledge" than anything. And there is a vast difference between prenatal classes.

    From my experiences (especially this latest birth) I will always advocate over-preparing for labor and birth rather than just assuming that the hospital staff will tell you what to do when you get there. They may order you around (as was the case with my most recent birth) but that doesn't mean they're actually doing what's best for you, your birth partner or baby.

    To me, it's like signing up for a marathon run but knowing that you can't really even jog around the block without breathing heavily and just saying to yourself, "Oh, well, in ten months, I'll be ready to run a marathon because I read a book about it." Naw, you have to actively get out there and train--same thing for birth. You've got to learn everything you can about it--and research it and have your mind made up what you want and how you're going to do it and be mentally prepared for all the eventualities that you can.

    And yes, I think that most men can also prepare but they have to actively do it--they have to want to be there and expose themselves to the right information and practical training so that when the time comes they can be there--not just physically but also mentally.

  4. #52
    hkaussie is offline Registered User
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    Great to read your story! It brought back my own two births, both in public HK hospitals. The second one in particular was fantastic, and unmedicated.

    Childbirth can be such an intense, fantastic, unique experience, thanks for sharing.

  5. #53
    RileyC is offline Registered User
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    Thanka2, congratulations! You are one brave individual, I can tell you that! I loved reading your story and parts of it really cracked me up. I even shared the story with my husband. Men just don't have a clue what childbirth and pregnancy involves, so it was really eye-opening for him!

  6. #54
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Thank you to everyone for your well wishes and congrats. My daughter turned 4-weeks-old yesterday. She has amazing neck control and can hold her head up and look fully around (been able to do this since 2 weeks old) when she's lying on her stomach. She's pushing up with her legs and shows a lot of curiosity--similar to her older brother at that age. She's a total sweet pea and we really enjoy her! She's a good sleeper and eater (at her 3-week appointment she had gained over 1 kilo--exclusively breastfed). She's also quite easy to sooth (maybe this is just my perception as my son was often impossible to sooth). I still have not experienced any post-partum depression and as I'm 4 weeks out from childbirth, I say my chances of not having to deal with it are increasing every day. I'm all healed up from childbirth and the only trouble I'm having now is some skin issues from breastfeeding.

    My 3-year-old is hilarious as he insists on every day, "Mama, I wanna listen to the baby in your tummy." This is something he did every night throughout my pregnancy. I just tell him he's silly and ask him "Where is the baby now?" He also told me he wants another baby brother or sister. I asked him if he wants a boy or girl. The first time he said a boy but then he changed his mind to a girl so he "can have two 'mui muis.'" Pretty sure we're going to hold off on number three for awhile but as I said, after this past birth experience, I'm up for another one if it can go as smoothly!

    Anyway, I came across this interesting study that confirms something my midwife told me about redheads being more sensitive. (BTW, I have naturally red hair). So, this throws an interesting spin on a comment someone made about the reason why I was able to give birth without pain meds is because I just have a "higher pain threshold." According to this study, the opposite is likely true. Redheads tend to have a lower pain threshold compared with people with darker hair. We also tend to have more skin problems and bleeding problems--just call us "frail." Ha! Just thought this study was interesting.
    Last edited by thanka2; 04-15-2011 at 12:06 PM.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  7. #55
    expat_mommy is offline Registered User
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    Really enjoyed reading your birthing experience in HK. I'm not due until Jan 5th and was really worried about delivery but after reading your post (most of which I literally laughed my a$$ off reading) I feel more relieved, because my family may not be able to make it to China from the US for the delivery.
    thanka2 likes this.

  8. #56
    TNJ
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    Oh my lord. YOUR LIKE WONDER WOMAN!!!!!!

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