Forums  •  Classifieds  •  Events  •  Directory

 
Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123

need to not feel blue today.

  1. #17
    1stimemum is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    bel air
    Posts
    164
    thanka2 and all the other mums out there,

    thanks for the great advice. It does shake your confidence as thanka2 aptly puts it, " am i doing something wrong? am i not enough ?"

    but I am learning to be a little more detached (in a yogic/ buddhist sense) and not let it get to me. Most importantly, I"m obviously going to love him exactly the same.

    but as some of you who have older kids have warned me, this behaviour doesnt really go away, just manifests in different forms at diff ages so I really better get used to it!

  2. #18
    mamapanda is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Hong Kong
    Posts
    23
    I'm a working mom of a 4-mo-old. This is exactly what I'm worried about, that my baby will favour helper over me! I can't imagine how hurt I'll feel! Actually, last week, my LO smiled at my helper instead of me, my heart's already broken! I know at this age he's not really playing favourites yet, but I'm just so worried. I work from 9-6 and rush home everyday to play with DS before he sleeps (he sleeps in my room). Is there anything I can do to prevent this from happening? Well, I know I should be grateful that I have a good helper and I DO want DS to like her, but.... not over me....

  3. #19
    mamapanda is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Hong Kong
    Posts
    23
    After reading some of your posts I'm feeling a bit better. I guess I need to remind myself that I do need to let go sometimes. I should be grateful that he has so many people that he loves and who loves him.

  4. #20
    TheQuasimother is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Hong Kong
    Posts
    515
    I'm a mum working full time too.
    With the first one, I suffered from terrible guilt and didn't cope really well when my son favoured the helper. My mistake was to follow Gina Ford's routine - baby sleeping early, in his own cot, ... . So with the second one, I threw Gina Ford out the window and she co-sleeps with me, donn't follow a strict bedtime routine especially on the weekends ... .

    Sometimes, I have to work late and don't put her to bed, my helper does or I don't get to come home in time to feed her. So with her, I actually see even less of her than my first one. And, the time I have with her, I have to share with my older son. However, despite getting less of me and my time, she has NEVER once (so far) picked my helper. Not because my helper is not a good one. She is. I have attributed her closeness to me to the co-sleeping, the one thing that I do every night regularly. We sleep pretty much nose to nose and forehead to forehead cuddling.

    So take heart. If you found something to do everyday that brings 'intimacy' to the both of you, perhaps, she'll want you 'more'. And, know that when they grow older, they know that the helper is just that and mummy is still preferred. My 5 year old is testament to that. He will NEVER ask for the helper, he will always ask mum. When you feel guilty, or bad, just look forward. All that time you spent when they are little, will pay off when they are older and understand. Now, is just temporary affection for the helper but what you do everyday is a form of emotional savings for the future relationship.
    “If you want to get to the castle, you’ve got to swim the moat.” Richard Jenkins in Eat Pray Love

  5. #21
    Gataloca's Avatar
    Gataloca is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    TKO
    Posts
    643
    I am a mum working full time as well. What I try to do is to take full care of my baby when I am at home. I would let my helper feed my baby if I am in a hurry and need to have something else done, otherwise, I would do it myself. I never let my helper comfort my baby if I am around, so so far, there hasn't been any tantrum from by baby asking for my helper.

    I also co-sleep with my baby, so I am the last person he sees before falling asleep, the one who comforts him (and breastfeed him) in the middle of the night, and the first person he sees when he wakes up.

Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123

Similar Threads

  1. Playgroup @ Park Island Blue Blue Club
    By pslai3 in forum Playgroups
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 03-25-2011, 05:07 PM
  2. When did you feel the baby move?
    By joyofliving in forum Hong Kong Pregnancy Forum
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 09-01-2007, 11:01 AM
  3. TTC, depressed, feel like giving up
    By Bozo in forum Preconception
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 06-14-2007, 08:42 PM
  4. Help! Do you ever feel like a broken record?
    By claifox in forum Helper Forums
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 02-25-2007, 11:18 AM
  5. Infertility blue.
    By sunnysideup in forum Preconception
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 01-13-2006, 09:38 PM
Scroll to top