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Urgent, helper not following instructions - suggestions please

  1. #25
    mocha is offline Registered User
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    it is obvious to me that this is her personality. It is not easy to change a person's mind.

  2. #26
    anotherone is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinki09 View Post
    Actually even though I am not happy with her rt now, I am a bit skeptical to terminate her altogether, probably coz it looks like too big a decision, and then nobody wants to hire a terminated one so it will be a big blow to her. So I just want to make sure that if and when we fire her, she has given us enough reasons.
    I can tell you with full confidence that you need not worry about making her a "terminated one", as the demand for helpers who CLAIM to have childcare experience is so huge in Hong Kong these days (I have experience with both the local and expat markets), your helper will have no problem whatsoever finding a new job, most likely right after you've terminated her. Also be aware that a lot of helpers are very good at spinning stories about their previous employers who fired them - if I hear one more time from job applicants stories about not getting enough food / being hit / not getting enough rest I will scream (I always check with their former employers AND observe other details).

  3. #27
    pinki09 is offline Registered User
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    Thank you everyone for the support, finally I have decided to terminate her! I quit work last week and went for a shortholiday to clear my mind of any negative energies. After returning, I prepared a sheet of routine for my toddler, about what all I want to change, and I prepared a sheet of routine for my helper to jot down exactly what I wanted from her. Guess what, she was super upset to see the written sheet and started making faces and saying that why are you giving me this piece of paper. I told that I want to set a routine for thehousehold thats why, so she says, you are pregnant so you are giving me this sheet, tomorrow your new baby will come and you will give me another sheet. I said, yes, because as our requirements are changing, I want the expectations and understanding to be clear. She started crying!!! And said my previous employer also did same, when I joined them all was good, then she got pregnant, she gave me asheet of routine, and when the baby was born, she went bad!

    Btw, I asked to vaccum the living room before lunch rather than after lunch, but she bluntly refused saying that she sweeps the floor at 6:30am, so she will vaccum only in the afternoon. I ended up giving her explanation why I want her to vaccum before lunch.....she still hasnt agreed...and my living room is pretty small, wouldnt even take 3 minutes!

    Also, I have bought her toileteries from wellcome, but last few weeks when I was busy with quitting the job, she has been using ours, since we dont hva separate helper bathroom. She remembers to get her own veggies every week and bill it under our account, but never did she buy the toileteries! Clearly a case of taking undue advantage of your employer! Earlier when my son, who co sleeps with us, would cry at night for longer period, she would also wake up and offer us a helping hand. Now my son has been sick after the trip and has hardly slept through the nights...crying and waking up, and now even I need some genuine rest, but she never wakes up or anything. Tomorrow with two children, I might genuinely need her at times, when both start crying together, but I am afraid she has become too candid and taken us fo granted that if I instruct her to take care at times at night, she will again make faces and plainly refuse!

    After all this, I am left with so much bitterness, coz I had always treated her like a family member, and she finds it extremely difficult to say 'yes ma'am' to my simplest of instructions! Looks like she despite being good, is in the wrong profession.

    Anyway, I am due in sept week 2 so better I change her now so that my toddler gets atleast a month to settle down before the new one comes out. Though I am v scared how will I manage the change part withthe pregnancy + toddler, as I need to take my son to school too.

    Please please please let me know if you have any recos....I would always prefer a recommended one after all this that has happened. She may know 3-5 things less is okay, but she should be trustworthy, sweet and polite enough to take my instructions, and be nice to my children.

  4. #28
    pinki09 is offline Registered User
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    Also, can I simultaneouly interview and process the new hire alongside the termination, or do I need to first get the termination done and get the acknowledgement then only I can begin. Plus, how doesthe termination happen? Just a written notice would suffice or I need to also get her to sign some papers?

  5. #29
    rani's Avatar
    rani is offline Administrator
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    Congratulations! She sounds like a nightmare.

    You can interview helpers and apply during the termination. Just remember to indicate that the new helper is replacing the existing one.

    I wrote a termination letter and asked her to sign it.
    Founder of GeoBaby.Com

  6. #30
    kaikosmom is offline Registered User
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    we had similar with our first helper! i was so relieved the day i had the courage to terminate her. now we have a fantastic helper who treats us and is being treated like a family member. we are now on our 2nd contract. i'm sure you will be able to find a great one, too. pray for it! you can check the immigration website re:termination. they have a guideline that you can follow. better send her packing the day you tell her that you are terminating her services. just pay 1 month in lieu of notice.

  7. #31
    pinki09 is offline Registered User
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    Guess what :( I slept late last night, and when I woke up all decided to terminate my helper, she actually had the letter of notice ready for us, saying that she is unhappy with us, and she doesnt want to say anything because it will affect my pregnancy, so she is leaving on her own will, putting all the blame on us :(( I am so sooooo upset. We should have really terminated her at the very first instance, we just kept giving her chances coz I thought it will be a big blow to her career. Now I feel so very stupid, that all the blame is on us, and she is behaving as if she has been tortured and is willing to get liberated from our clutches :(( she said she will give us a notice because she is initiating it...I wonder what horror story would she make about us to her agency and to her new employers!! :((( shucks, I feel so terrible!!! :(((
    Please tell me even though she has given us a months notice, can I still give her money in lieu of and let her go immediately? Or this too has to be decided by her ? and does her writing of notice letter make things bad for us to hire the new helper or put us on bad record in the immigration department?? God!!! earlier I used to believe the horror stories helpers would create and sympathize with some....now I have lost ALL trust, that these are all crocodile tears. :(((

  8. #32
    md23 is offline Registered User
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    You always have the option to give her one month pay (plus tickets, holiday pay, etc) and ask her to leave right away.
    I heard if you frequently terminate helper, it might make it harder for you to hire a new helper, but in this case, I don't think it will affect anything.

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