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Urgent, helper not following instructions - suggestions please

  1. #1
    pinki09 is offline Registered User
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    Aug 2010
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    Pokfulam
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    24

    Urgent, helper not following instructions - suggestions please

    Hi Friends...I need some opinions. I had a showdown with my helper last night, albeit not a nasty one, coz I believe in making peace before we all go off to sleep, however I am very doubtful about how to take it all forward.

    Thing is, my helper doesnt like to be instructed...she is pretty nice my 20 MO, but she should realise that despite the good work, I am her boss and she should listen to me about how I want to get things done. I usually give her money to get things from Wellcome/wet market. But off late she has been adding many things for herself without prior permission from me. I just told her ( not yelled, but politely & firmly instructed) that next time onwards, just let my know before hand if you want to add something for yourself to the list. She made faces and said she only gets to remember what to buy when she visits the market and sees the items. I said, fine, but ensure this doesnt happen too often. I am still at work and in my 6th month of pregnancy so I get pretty tired after work, still I dont ask her to co-sleep with my son, as he wakes 1-2 times at night and I think she needs the full night rest after the days work. Also, she doesnt make full meal but makes the rice/bread and chops veggie/chicken which I prepare when I am back. I allow her to make her own food, only restriction being not to bring beef/pork at home since we dont eat it and cant stand the smell. Now, today when DH was home too I want to spend some time with him exclusively as it is only possible on a sat...so I told my helper to put my son to sleep for the afternoon nap...she again made faces, and completely ignored my instruction...i told her aigain, after which she said no, you are going to sleep too so you put him to sleep, and he will not sleep soon, since you both are at home. I told her that I am not sleeping rt now so you only put him to sleep...she made a face and obeyed. Now, do I need to give her explanation all the time about why am I instructing her for something? I dont think it was an unreasonable demand to ask her to put my son to sleep during day time. I give her all PH offs, but once when my mom was here, I asked her to come back by 6 instead of 9,...she plainly refused. She still doesnt think I actually did a favour to her by atleast letting he go on the day to which she is not officially entitled, just because in the beginnng of the contract I had said I am okay with all PH. At my end I have tried to understand her needs, She wants 2vacations coz her son is graduating in March and we would be off fr xmas so I am not forcing her to take all leaves in dec...and okay with her going twice, coz I understand its an important event for her. But in return, though i still admit she is pretty good with my son, she just doesnt like when I am giving her any instruction, makes faces, doesnt respond, which is extremely annoying, for I hate all these negative vibes....so what should I do? Coz rt now I'm still in my 6th month...tomorrow at 8-9th month if she starts throwing her tantrums even more, i will be even more vulnerable as we dont have any family here...i am done with work end of this month and would be at home full time, so do you think I should let her go and change to another one now? Or I should just compromise with her current behavior coz she is good at what she does? With the new baby, her work load will increase too, plus rt now I am takibg half days off work & take my son to playschool...but dont think after 9th month begins I can do that so again she will have to take over....so if I hv to act, then this the only appropriate time...else I just let it be as it is. I am so stressed, I cant sleep at 3 in the night and decided to write this post just now....any suggestions/inputs, even if otherwise, are more than welcome

    Thanks in advance :)

  2. #2
    pinki09 is offline Registered User
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    Aug 2010
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    Btw, she is with us since oct 10 , that makes it ~8 months

  3. #3
    FutureHKmom is offline Registered User
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    Oct 2008
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    Central
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    Definitely get a new helper now. Speaking as a mom with a 25 month old and a 7 month old when your second one comes along you need all the help you can get and no stress related to the help! It is unacceptable how she treats you.

  4. #4
    TheQuasimother is offline Registered User
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    Nov 2009
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    Hong Kong
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    515
    You need a new helper.

    I don't think she wants to stay as your employee either otherwise, the problems will not crop up. She sounds like she's looking to get fired.
    “If you want to get to the castle, you’ve got to swim the moat.” Richard Jenkins in Eat Pray Love

  5. #5
    Mia Bella is offline Registered User
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    Apr 2011
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    Midlevels
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    25
    Get a new helper, don't compromise. If she wants this job bad enough then she should respect your wishes. You are her boss and you are paying her for her services. If she doesn't like to follow instructions ( as long as reasonable) then she should work somewhere else where she doesn't have to!

  6. #6
    lisa88 is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2009
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    Singapore
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    Definitely get a new helper, ASAP. No matter how good a worker she is, she needs to follow your instructions. You have your reasons for wanting things done your way (practicalities, efficiency, time with your child etc). It is NOT acceptable to sulk and disobey, actively or passively. This would not be acceptable in any office situation so why should it be different in a domestic situation. Also remember that if she is ignoring your instructions now, she will do so when your new baby comes along and that could endanger your baby in some situations.

  7. #7
    mummymoo is offline Registered User
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    Jul 2008
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    Hong Kong
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    Yes she is looking to get fired, or at the very least pushing her boundaries. I find buying things for herself without permission is completely unacceptable.
    Better to find another, there appears to be a number of completed contract helpers coming up from adds that I have seen, rather than leave you to her mercy when you really need her later on.
    What I would do is give her a written reprimand, then another if she does it again, that way you can fire her for just cause without giving her one month in lieu which is what a few of these helpers try to do when they are on the way out.
    Good luck and never let yourself be held to ransom.

  8. #8
    Shenzhennifer is offline Registered User
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    Jul 2008
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    Tsuen Wan
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    1,288
    Fired.
    She wants you to fire her, doesn't want to bear the financial responsibility of quiting. Yes, it will cost you, but better a few bucks than your sanity and peace/wellbeing for the next few months and when your new baby is born.
    My close friend here has just gone through the EXACT same thing(except worse bc when the new one came she was a complete disaster and now she has no one and is giving birth in a week or so!!!), and she will be getting someone new soon. In the meantime she's taken some time off work(maybe not an option for you) and has enlisted a local cantonese lady for help part time. There is a local gov't org here that helps find placements for you - all locals, and you can often negotiate a monthly salary instead of hourly.
    Just get rid of her. There are lother options.

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