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Tips for dealing with agression?

  1. #1
    megan2008 is offline Registered User
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    Tips for dealing with agression?

    Several times now my daughter has had children (always boys) either push or body slam her. A couple of days ago this boy (around the same age as her which is almost 3) was just sticking his face as close as possible to her face and then he started poking her cheeks. She doesn't like it as she screams in terror and is clinging on to me. I am just not so sure what to do when the boys are agressive towards my daughter. Most of the time the parents of the children don't see what their child is doing, so I have to intervene. I don't want to teach my child to be agressive in return but I often find that I have to physically remove my child or the other child away from this situation. What have other's actions been in this situation? What do I tell my daughter to do when faced with this situation as I am not even sure. Thanks so much, any advice is appreciated.

  2. #2
    jvn
    jvn is offline Registered User
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    We haven't had this problem yet but I'd be inclined towards teaching her to say something like, "no, I don't like that, please stop" and then if the don't telling her to walk away from whoever is being aggressive to her.

  3. #3
    ychia76 is offline Registered User
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    Playground is a dog eat dog world.

    I do agree with teaching her to say those phrases. And defend herself without hitting by stepping aside. And at age 3, children really don't know any better and they are in exploration mode. But if by age 5, they are still consider aggressive then a child therapist can help to pin point the causes.
    My story was my son was very aggressive at age 3 because his expressive language was delayed and girls tend to have language down by age 3. Once my son started speech therapy ... A brand new him came out. He did not hit and push as much and he wasn't frustrated similar to a person in a foreign country that doesn't speak the same language and no one understood him.
    If the other parents are not proactive as you knowing their own children's behavior, I am with you cause I want to protect my child and theirs before a brawl.

    If you have to take her away from the aggressive child do so and if you have to tell the other child not to hit do so. And if the other child's parents come up to you and starts bitching about you teaching their child some manners. That happened to me, I just let those parents rant on and walk away. Because obviously, that's how the child gets his manners, if there is nothing neurologically wrong with the child.

  4. #4
    canadianinhk is offline Registered User
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    My son is aggressive who is two is aggressive so I watch him like a hawk when we are out. Unfortunately I still miss things. When I'm with friends children I teach them to say things like "No or stop" in a really loud voice and if he doesn't listen then to find an adult to help. In the park I spend my time apologizing to parents if I haven't managed to catch my son. It is difficult to be the parent of the aggressive child too because I certainly don't want my child to hurt anyone and I don't want other parents to take their children away from him. I personally don't mind if another adult tells him not to hit or push or whatever he has done. I would prefer that to them taking their child completely away. That's me though. I'm not sure what other parents feel about that.

  5. #5
    megan2008 is offline Registered User
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    The aggression part I am not so worried about because I know that it is quite common for children at that age. When the parents do see their child being aggressive, they usually correct it. What I am so unsure about is what to teach my daughter when it happens to her. She gets frightened fairly easy and I want to go about this the proper way because I am afriad that her fear may cause her to shy away from friendships.

  6. #6
    ychia76 is offline Registered User
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    I do like what is said at my son's pre K by teachers. We do not hurt our body and we do not hurt our friends.

    I do not mind if other parents teach manners to my child. But some parents are very sensitive.

    And child age appropriateness is also a consideration. Age 2 and 3, most children are not aggressive, but rough yes because they are learning to control their own bodies and they do not know light touches from heavy touches. What I learned from the teachers: take your child's hand and show him the feeling of a light touch vs a heavy touch ... This is gentle touch ... This is rough. Be gentle to your friends and not rough. Then make them show you what a gentle touch is and what a rough touch is.

    I like the feel and touch books for age 2-3, they love to touch soft, fuzzy, rough, sticky, etc. Even the older ones love them.

  7. #7
    ychia76 is offline Registered User
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    Your girl is afraid of the aggressive kids only right? Which is an appropriate reaction. She needs to meet some gentle souls her age so she knows not every child are like that aggressive. Maybe find a playgroup with similar personality as hers not loud nor rough. Then when she sees and meets many different 3 years old, she can make friends with the ones she feels comfortable with.

  8. #8
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    If it were my child and she encountered that type of behavior while playing I would tell her "You don't need to play with them if they're being mean" and then I would help her find another group to play with.

    My opinion is that it's not my job to parent other peoples' children. If the child doesn't understand that aggressive behavior is not okay maybe he will learn when other children are not willing to play with him. Experience is a great teacher and hopefully the parents can also give him some tips on how to get along with other children.

    If another child was being dangerous with my child, then I would step in and firmly tell them to stop but if it's just aggressive or mean behavior then I would help my child find other playmates to play with. I would explain to her that if she feels uncomfortable with how other children are playing (getting in her face--poking her etc.) then she can tell them, "I don't like that" and leave to find other children to play with.

    Yes, at 3-years-old some children don't have very good control of their bodies and don't understand gentle touch and rough touch but as I said, it's my job to teach MY CHILDREN the difference--not the other children on the playground. If their parents don't take up the responsibility to teach them then those children will simply be at a disadvantage when other children refuse to play with them later on.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

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