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What do you wish you'd known?

  1. #1
    1sttime2011 is offline Registered User
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    What do you wish you'd known?

    Hi everyone, I'm new to this thread and planning to start trying for a baby next month.

    I was just wondering if there was anything you wish you'd known/done/not done *before* you got that little blue line?
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  2. #2
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    erina320 is offline Registered User
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    Parenting is HARD!

    I felt it was a dirty little secret no one had really clued me in on till I had my own, but parenting is A LOT harder than anyone ever tells you!

  3. #3
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    carang is offline Registered User
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    the thing is, people probably did say, it's the hardest thing in the world... but until you ARE a parent, you don't really understand.

  4. #4
    Anne1212 is offline Registered User
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    Make sure u enjoy the most amazing journey ever!!

    Be relax about getting pregnant. Easy for some but difficult for some. I remember for a while I was like 'oh no not pregnant again this month...' and got so disappointed every time period started. Pressure to yourself (and your partner) doesn't help~

    Start taking folic acid and do consult a doctor. Pre-pregnancy check could be good. We did that and I started taking folic acid but at some point I stopped as thought 'going down the drain' and only restarted taking it after I found out I was pregnant...

    Meet up with mums to be once u got pregnant. Great to have girlfriends to support each other along the way. Potentially after giving birth the babies could become baby buddies too! I was on the move while pregnant so was a bit on my own.

    Would be good to start discussing with your partner the preferred parenting style, roughly where u're going to be in the next 3-5-10 years and lots of topics u might normally just leave it. 2 persons living together is an art already and to be able to bring up a baby together needs total honesty and open communications.

    So far we have fun and tears and frustrations and excitement and this and that. It's not a guaranteed pain free smooth journey but it's so worth it. Feeling the life in my belly grew and grew, and the pain and the sheer joy when the baby popped out, and witnessing our child grows taller and taller and babbles 'mama' and 'baba' and more...

    Good luck and enjoy!

  5. #5
    Anne1212 is offline Registered User
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    Oh just remember I was so guilty when I found out I was pregnant because I happened to have drunk exceptionally loads of wine over new year's eve which was just about the time I got pregnant or was already pregnant. You never know when you'll be blessed with a baby so keep that at the back of your mind~

  6. #6
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Parenting (at least at first) is usually not like the image you get from the parenting magazines where everyone is smiling happily and mom has her hair done and has clean clothes on and looks fresh and put together. Parenting has the potential to crumble and humble a person--bringing them to their knees. I think it has the potential to strip away a lot of things that we believe about ourselves and really reveal who we really are and our real weaknesses. Parenting is extremely difficult because it means become less selfish day-by-day. It is especially difficult if you are trying to be a conscious parent--not simply going through the motions. Parenting puts a huge strain on your body and your relationships with others--especially your partner.

    But, the early days go by quickly. My son is already 3 1/2 and over 100 cm tall and I just look at him and think, "How did you get to be so big? You were a baby just a few months ago!" I think this comparison has become even more obvious when I look at his 3-month-old sister.

    So, do your best to try to stay sane and get the good things out of the brief time they are really small. Also, do not be ashamed to ask for help because you will probably need it. Be willing to have a realistic view of yourself and do what you need to do in order to be the healthiest you--mind, body and soul.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  7. #7
    2010-NewDad is offline Registered User
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    My advice would be not to underestimate how tough the first few weeks can be, for both you and your partner. Put some support structures in place before the delivery to help. Some of the things we did - flying my mother-in-law over - have worked out well but this is obviously dependent on personal circumstances.

    Make a lot of frozen meals in advance, because cooking isn't going to be high on your priority list. Clean your apartment well (nesting!!) and consider hiring a maid to come in a clean a couple of times a week on a part-time basis.

    There is a lot of good advice on the baby websites, read them in advance and work out what is practical and applicable to you and get it organized ahead of time. I would also recommend you discuss a rough (and has to be flexible) outline of who does what (feeding, cooking, cleaning, early morning feeds) when you are both rational and thinking clearly.

    Some (all?) babies really do need an incredible amount of attention in the first few weeks and it can be physically and emotionally draining for both parents.

  8. #8
    AmyH is offline Registered User
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    My advice before you get pregnant would be to cherish the last few days/weeks/months where you can just enjoy life without having to be responsible for another human being! TV programmes, films etc show pregnant women glowing and wandering around without a care in the world but this is not the case at all! The moment you see those blue lines appear, you are responsible for somebody else for the rest of your life and with this responsibility comes a lot of worry!

    In my experience the first few weeks were hard once I found out i was pregnant because until you get that first scan you worry about symptoms or lack of symptoms, whether or not to tell people before scan etc, which doctor to choose, which hospital to deliver in. Then you worry in between every scan after that. Once the baby starts moving you are counting kicks etc. In the back of your mind always is the worry about the impending labor and birth experience!

    Then once they are born the fun begins! You worry about feeds, poop, temperatures, sneezes, reflux, bottle or breast, feeding, weaning,cloth or disposable diapers, sleeping etc. Then when they get older it is schools, friends, activities, travel, holidays etc and so it goes on and on and before you know it your child is 7 and you realise that in that 7 + years you can honestly say that you have never really had a decent nights sleep since you saw those two blue lines!

    I have two children and absolutely adore them and I would not change a thing about the experiences we have had so far and it had been an absolute joy to have them in my life. I learn something new about them and myself every day and it is so much fun to watch them grow, reach all their milestones, see their little personalities develop etc but I wish somebody had prepared me for the worry because I would have slept for a few months before getting pregnant!

    Good luck!

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