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Loving your husband less--is this true?!

  1. #9
    Gataloca's Avatar
    Gataloca is offline Registered User
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    Interesting than all the people that said that they love their hubbies more, also said that their hubbies are also a very hand on dads.

    I do think that I love my hubby less... probably because he is not a very hands on dad, and sometime I feel that I am the one who have to take care of the baby, which led to many frustrations.. or probably because we have different parenting style and different view on so many different things.

  2. #10
    cuppatea is offline Registered User
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    I can totally imagine that if my husband was a bit of an absentee father (in spirit), that I would love him less and more if he turned into the wonderful fatherly type.
    Cannot be anything more lovely than seeing your husband dot on the child you love and made together surely (I imagine anyway!)

    My hubs and I always say how we think we'd have a much deeper love and respect for each other when we have a child so fingers crossed :)

  3. #11
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    carang is offline Registered User
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    i don't think it is a matter of "more or less". it is a DIFFERENT kind of love. you choose to love your spouse, i often think that it is a conscious choice you make every day of your life. it is possible to stop making that choice and to fall out of love

    with a child, it is a gut instinct. it is a matter of evolution taking over and MAKING you love your child. if women didn't instinctively love their child, and care for them, humanity would die out very quickly. of course, there are some women where this instinct doesn't kick in, but i think for most of us, it does. we would stand in front of a moving freight train if it would save our kids.

    having a child isn't always the bonding experience that many think it will be, especially if there are different parenting ideas from each of the spouses. i know that my husband and i have fought a lot more after we had kids than before. for a long time, i felt like i was fighting a losing battle when it came to child rearing. my husband was/is VERY hands-on but he does NOT like to discipline. it has taken almost 7 years for him to come round to the idea and now disciplines the children too, and doesn't always make me the "bad cop". now, that he's stepped up to the plate on that front, life is much better all around (at least for me!)

    so again, i don't love him less... i love him differently. i love him differently now than before we had kids and i love him differently than i love my kids.
    thanka2 and shwetakhanna like this.

  4. #12
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by cuppatea View Post
    I can totally imagine that if my husband was a bit of an absentee father (in spirit), that I would love him less and more if he turned into the wonderful fatherly type.
    Cannot be anything more lovely than seeing your husband dot on the child you love and made together surely (I imagine anyway!)

    My hubs and I always say how we think we'd have a much deeper love and respect for each other when we have a child so fingers crossed :)
    Uh, something about this quote kind of made me do a double-take:

    we think we'd have a much deeper love and respect for each other when we have a child
    Children can bring out the best and worst in people. It might be the case that it deepens your love and respect but don't be surprised if it presents you with nothing but stress--at least for a big chunk of time. Just be there for each other and hopefully it will work out in the end. :)
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  5. #13
    Junebugwhite is offline Registered User
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    I have to disagree. I love my husband so much MORE now that we have a baby, and I did not think that was possible! It brought us that much closer, and he is a wonderful father to our 7 week old. Maybe it is the hormones, but I just feel so much love for him. Don't get me wrong, I still get mad when he doesn't understand that I need him to help when he comes home from work instead of going for a workout when I have not even had a shower yet...ha ha. But no, I love him so much that I have no words for it now.
    cuppatea likes this.

  6. #14
    aussie mum is offline Registered User
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    My husband is a fantastic father but I definitely love him differently since having our kids. I find quite often I don't have the energy for anyone else other than the kids! My priorities are so different now. I don't think I love him less but I can see how someone might describe it as being that way.
    There was a real honeymoon period after our first child!! But after the 3rd.....

  7. #15
    sfolola is offline Registered User
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    Thanks, everyone, for your honest thoughts. I've got a lot of food for thought!

  8. #16
    Aava.Wong is offline Registered User
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    main priority is my son so i feel less attached to my hubby now and what do you know, he said the same thing to me! lol

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