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Fear of new helper - 16 months old toddler

  1. #1
    cc_couple is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Tung Chung

    Fear of new helper - 16 months old toddler

    Hi Mums,

    Our family recently changed helper as we wanted to find someone with more toddler experience. However since the new helper arrive about two weeks ago our son still has not been able to accept her at all. He cries and cries whenever we ask the helper to get dress for him. In terms of playing he will only play with her for a about 2mins and then run off looking for mum and dad. Also whenever we mentions her name to him he would start crying as well. Even though he's only 16 months he has managed to understand most of what we say. We are aware of the stranger anxiety that toddler goes through at this stage but was wondering if anyone has had experience with changing helpers and any tips you can share on this topic.


  2. #2
    lesliefu is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    South District
    had a similar experience when my helper immigrated to canada and we got a replacement. though the replacement was very good with children, it took my 2 year old about 6weeks to get used to her and really play with her - now they are great friends!

    what we did:

    1) give them more time to do things that my daughter enjoyed, i.e. eating, singing, going to the playground - of course start with things at home before moving to out door activites.
    2) made sure that i (mommy) was out of the picture when she played with the new helper as she would just run to me if she were to see me (she still does that now and she's's normal to want mommy)

    you will have to be patient and give it some time! how long have you had your new helper for? is there something your child really likes and only your helper can provide? our helper had the "nobody nobody but you" song on her phone and I didn't so my daughter would run to her when she wanted to listen to that song!

    good luck - should be OK - kids will learn to adjust once they can picture fun and the new helper side by side

  3. #3
    cc_couple is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Tung Chung
    Thanks for your tips. These will certainly help.

    Our helper has been with us for only 2.5 weeks. The challenge is still some how be able to leave the two of them alone. We have tried leaving them alone when he was taking his nap and then waking up with her. In this case he cried non-stop and ran from room to room looking for mum. Our other challenge is that the new helper don't have experience with young children (discovered after hiring!) and so this may be compounding the problem.

    Thanks and we will give it a try.

  4. #4
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Sai Kung
    going out when he is asleep is one of the worst things you can do... he'll feel abandoned.

    best thing: "mummy has to do down to get the post, i'll be back in 5 minutes, you play with helper until i get back." then leave. do not stay around for crying and fussing... i'm sure it will happen.

    leave for 5-10 minutes. let your helper play/distract him... then come back. make sure you emphasise that you love him and would never "leave" him. and see... here you are just like you said you would be.

    do that a few times/day for a few days.... no matter if he is crying or not. just leave. eventually, he'll see that you DO come back and that he CAN have fun with the helper.

    gradually make the time away longer but a couple of minutes each time.

    DO NOT give in to the crying. DO NOT prolong the goodbye. DO NOT make it a big deal when you go. DO NOT cuddle and comfort him when you come back. just say, 'see, i told you... i'm back. you're a big boy. no need to cry.' and then go about your regular routine.

    DO make the initial time away short. DO make sure you come back when you say you will. DO make sure you explain clearly and simply what will happen. DO expect him to cry... ALL babies cry. it is their way of communicating their unhappiness/anger. DO make sure your helper is prepared and can distract him with his favourite toy or baking a cake or looking out the window etc.

    you are teaching your child (1) that you will come back (2) that it is ok for you to be gone (3) that it is ok for helper to be with him

    good luck! it is never fun to see your child cry... but they do get over it.

  5. #5
    Gataloca's Avatar
    Gataloca is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Read that sneaking out while the baby is sleeping is a big NO. It is always good to let the baby know that mommy is leaving for a while, even if he cries as you leave, rather than "mommy has vanished".

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