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Rant: hubby cant watch baby for even half hour!

  1. #25
    Obiwan is offline Registered User
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    I have my grievances as well, but when it comes to being a good Daddy, I really have no complaint.

    Think it has to do with (1) family upbringing, (2) he really wants and loves kids ... and perhaps (3) I have no problem with delegating work :)

  2. #26
    Gracey is offline Registered User
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    My husband tries his best and even took several weeks off work after baby was born -- but not all in a row, as he couldn't.
    He's changed diapers and walked her to sleep a few times while she's cried.He loves holding, playing and photographing her. But I do 90% of the grunt work.
    Of course, he can't breastfeed, which is the hardest part. But he won't give a bottle at night either. (I cheat and do one bottle of formula for the late night feed). He won't get up if she cries in the night. In fact, he copes so badly with interuptted sleep that I whisk baby out to the living room to do her night feeds, which is more tiring than just bringing her to bed.
    I think many men don't have it in them to deal with a very young baby. Ours is 2 months.
    Maybe they don't have the same level of patience, will or soft touch that's needed. Maybe they are less likely to have helped with younger siblings or babysat when they were younger.
    This isn't to criticize him since he's trying his best. But I think men do better when the babies are a bit older and more interactive. When I hear other people's stories, he's still a very good dad! But the burden at this point does fall on mom.
    There were nights when I was so tired, I didn't know if I could make it through a feed.

  3. #27
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gracey View Post
    My husband tries his best and even took several weeks off work after baby was born -- but not all in a row, as he couldn't.
    He's changed diapers and walked her to sleep a few times while she's cried.He loves holding, playing and photographing her. But I do 90% of the grunt work.
    Of course, he can't breastfeed, which is the hardest part. But he won't give a bottle at night either. (I cheat and do one bottle of formula for the late night feed). He won't get up if she cries in the night. In fact, he copes so badly with interuptted sleep that I whisk baby out to the living room to do her night feeds, which is more tiring than just bringing her to bed.
    I think many men don't have it in them to deal with a very young baby. Ours is 2 months.
    Maybe they don't have the same level of patience, will or soft touch that's needed. Maybe they are less likely to have helped with younger siblings or babysat when they were younger.
    This isn't to criticize him since he's trying his best. But I think men do better when the babies are a bit older and more interactive. When I hear other people's stories, he's still a very good dad! But the burden at this point does fall on mom.
    There were nights when I was so tired, I didn't know if I could make it through a feed.
    I think this is very individual as my husband was fantastic with both of our children when they were tiny--newborn and up. He had a much softer touch than I did and took to everything about parenthood (waking in the night, changing diapers, feeding, burping, changing, playing, showing unending patience) much, much better than I did and I was the mother who was breastfeeding. My husband deals much better with interrupted sleep than I do. I think it should be considered on a case-by-case basis. Having said that, I don't know anyone who copes well with sleeplessness in the long-run but that's just part of what early parenthood is about. By the time my son was 6-months-old (and didn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a stretch) both husband and I were almost about to lose our minds from sleep deprivation.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  4. #28
    Gracey is offline Registered User
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    Last night, I was doing a night feed half-asleep and the baby suddenly threw up all over me. Not just a little spit up, but a serious vomit with milk all over me, the baby, the floor. And I yelled out in surprise, I think because I was dozing off a little. And to my husband's credit, he jumped out of bed, calmed us both down, mopped the floor, changed the baby, and made another bottle of formula. So he doesn't do night feeds, but he is very helpful.

    Also to be fair to him, I'm off work for 6 months, but he still has to go to the office. So I can't complain that I do the night feeds because, when the helper is here during the day, I can nap. No parent is perfect, but I'm pretty happy with the partner I have!

    Also today, when there is no helper, he took the baby to the park by himself so I could nap for an hour.

  5. #29
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    after reading some posts on these and other forums, i really think i have one of the BEST husbands in the world!

    his ONLY flaws (i have been with him for 13 years and to date, these are the only two things i can come up with as flaws):
    1) terrible at making decisions (which normally suits me fine.... i like being the decision maker most of the time)
    2) not great at disciplining the kids (but has made remarkable strides in this direction over the past year or so)

    a few weeks ago, our daughter was really sick. she puked 4 times in one night. it was like tag-team parenting that night. i'd hear her scream for me... i'd wake hubby.... we both flew down the stairs to her... i took her for a shower (it got everywhere!) and by the time i was finished with her and brought her back down to her room, he'd changed all of the sheets, blankets and pillowcase! we would go back to bed for about 2 hours of sleep, then would do it all over again.
    we didn't even have to speak to each other as we did it. it just came naturally!
    thanka2 likes this.

  6. #30
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by carang View Post
    we didn't even have to speak to each other as we did it. it just came naturally!
    s

    Yep. My husband and I are to this point to. If there is a job that needs to be accomplished we work really well as a team--especially when we're on "puke patrol." I knew he was like this before we got married and have got to say that our ability to work as a team under high-pressure is probably the biggest factor in our ability to stay together happily.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  7. #31
    purple1 is offline Registered User
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    er...all the "great husband" stories aren't really helping. Can someone pls start another thread on perfect husband so I can avoid reading those?
    I love my husband and I accept his flaws. Just that sometimes, some of the things got to me and I just wanted to spill it out to hopefully sympathetic ears but unfortunately got opposite effect....

  8. #32
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    of course you have sympathetic ears. it's just hearing some stories make us really appreciate what we have!

    there's not much we can say except, sorry that your husband doesn't contribute as much as you'd like to raising/caring for your children.

    there isn't much advice we can offer...

    but of course, this is a great place to vent! i'm sorry that we made you feel worse. of course, our hubbies are not perfect. please dont' think so! cause if just ain't so!
    thanka2 likes this.

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