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Rant: hubby cant watch baby for even half hour!

  1. #1
    purple1 is offline Registered User
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    Rant: hubby cant watch baby for even half hour!

    Sorry this is a ranting post. My husband is never a hands on dad, he can change diaper if needed but just have very little patience.
    Yesterday was helper day off. I was feeding dinner to older son so asked daddy to watch 9mth old for bit. Baby is at stage where he is crawling all over and pulling himself up, grabbing everything in sight. So just need to watch him and make sure he is not hurting himself or grabbin dangerous items. But daddy can't handle that, he was obviously bored and uninterested after 10min. The plan was for him to take older boy out for a walk with the dog after dinner so I can put baby to bed. But he couldnt wait that long and interrupted son's dinner and offered to take him out.
    I know watching a 9mth old is boring and not stimulating after - I do that everyday! Just really sad he could suck it up just once a week.
    He's a bit better with the three yr old but often when I asked him to watch the boy, they will end up watching tv or playing with computer or iPad.
    It's Monday but I am dreading Sunday already!
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  2. #2
    Gataloca's Avatar
    Gataloca is offline Registered User
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    hmmm... just like mine.. playing with the iphone when watching the baby....
    shwetakhanna likes this.

  3. #3
    mummymoo is offline Registered User
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    I agree with the posters about hubbies and lack of hands on action. My husband, honestly does more than most hubbies do (comparing with my friends in HK), but a whole lot less than what our friend's hubbies do in Australia. Unfortunately it is the culture here that women tend to take on the heavier load and are expected to grin and bear it. My MIL used to tell me that if I didn't want to make a special effort for my hubby, made too many demands on him ect there were at least a million ladies who would gladly take my place uncomplainingly.......not helpful at all........
    It's unfortunate and you hope that you can sit down and have a heart to heart with your husband, and explain to him when you are calm and not so hot headed that you need help too, so that your two children will be well taken care of......

  4. #4
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Feel sorry for you ladies. My husband is a local guy but he definitely is a hands-on dad. Even my husband's father who has always been very critical of him (to the point of being downright humiliating) recently told my husband, "You have a good bond with your children." We were all kind of shocked. I don't think it has to be the way it is just because a guy is Chinese or local.

    purple1, if my husband acted like that I would be a very unhappy person to live with.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  5. #5
    purple1 is offline Registered User
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    I am trying to come to terms with it. I know he loves the kids and love to interact with them. I saw him enjoying playing with my older son more and more as he grows older and can interact.
    When I met hubby, I knew he is not a detailed oriented or super caring type and I knew he would never do housework etc. I love many aspects of him and dont expect him to change. But, I still can't help feeling frustrated and upset sometimes......
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    purple1 is offline Registered User
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    And btw, he is not chinese/ Asian
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  7. #7
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by purple1 View Post
    And btw, he is not chinese/ Asian
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    Guess I was thinking of mummymoo's comment about her MIL which seems like a very Asian MIL comment (based on other Asian MIL comments I've read and heard). Anyway, I guess if you knew what you were getting into with his personality and are okay with it then that's fine. I'm just saying that for me, that would be a serious dealbreaker in our house. And, I would expect my husband to change with the duties of fatherhood--assuming he had agreed to have children with me. I'm glad it's a non-issue with us, though.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  8. #8
    ssheng is offline Registered User
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    I think sometimes it is less to do with not caring, but feeling out of your element. My husband is a proud guy and good at his job, but when it comes to the kids he is a bit lost. Men aren't used to asking for directions (or they just refuse to). Think of it this way, your husband came over to offer to take out your older son. He could have just played on the iPad or something while ignorning the baby rather than tried to be helpful (albeit, misplaced since you were still feeding your older son).

    I noticed recently that my daughter and husband learned how to play hide and go seek. Now all of a sudden my husband is super happy to play with her, all electronic devices off, because when she 'finds' him she is so delighted and happy and he feels great...especially since that's a game only the two of them play.

    Maybe teach your husband some things to do with the 9 month old, give him more direction, and see how it goes.
    Duck likes this.

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