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Night time drama

  1. #1
    stamcel is offline Registered User
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    Night time drama

    looking for some help.....before the summer holidays my son would sleep in his own room, in his crib without a problem. I would usually stay with him in his room for ten minutes and then leave him to fall a sleep on his own. It was great...
    During the summer holidays my son fell asleep with my husband and I then we would transfer him to his crib (sharing one room in a hotel for three weeks). When we came back I let him get over the jet lag and sleep with us..
    I have tried many many times to get him back into the old routine, and have been successful only a few times....when I try there have been lots of tears, screams, climbing out of crib and this could last for hours...
    So now he falls asleep in our bed...I can not even leave him in the bed with my husband, as he demands me....this can take up to an hour before he falls a sleep.....and then I put him into his crib....

    I often give in as I am exhausted after a full day of work and do not want to deal with the tears and drama...

    any advice how to get him comfortable in his own bed again,
    thanks,
    stamcel

  2. #2
    Obiwan is offline Registered User
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    Hi Stamcel, not sure if you did any sleep training with him before, and which method you used. Relapse is very common after trips, illness etc, and you will need to train him all over again....

  3. #3
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Agree with Obiwan, but I would add that by allowing him to sleep in your bed even after your trip you actually did the opposite of helping him adjust back to home-life routine and you solidified a new habit. It's kind of funny how we inadvertently train our children to do things. Basically, your habits trained him to sleep in your bed so it's not surprising that he's having trouble going back to his own. My experience is that what you allow is what you accept and that becomes what your children will do--at any age. So, maybe you were one of those parents who didn't have to sleep train their child (and go through the tears, screams, climbing out) the first time around but you're probably going to have to go through that in order to get him back into the regular routine. Don't worry, that's normal. But if you keep giving in every time the child cries you will never break this habit and establish a new one. That's kind of how sleep training works. Bummer that your trip switched things around for him. Be consistent. I recommend the Pick-up/Put-down method described in Secrets of the Baby Whisperer as that is what we had success with. Good luck.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  4. #4
    Newbie_hk is offline Registered User
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    Wow Thanka2, you have to tell me how you succeeded with pick up/put down as we've tried it without much success.

    As with all the replies above, if you used to have a routine, go back to it or make one. My daughter has a routine that pretty much became her sleep association. No matter where we sleep, which country, who puts her to sleep, as long as she has the routine, she strongly associates it with sleep. Stick with it no matter what.

    Good luck & hope you all get your sleep back!

  5. #5
    Obiwan is offline Registered User
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    Don't worry, it actually doesn't take long to re-train (once he is over his jet lag). Usually a few days to a week should set him back on track again. You just need to be consistent with the method you are using. We do this at least once a year, after Xmas break.

  6. #6
    stamcel is offline Registered User
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    Hi ladies,
    We did sleep train him when he was younger, the problem I am having now is getting him to stay in bed....I put him in bed, stay a while and then leave...then he crying and screaming starts. He will then climb out (sometime fall out) of his crib...major drama and he is just so upset. I put him back in his bed over and over again...until we are both exhausted...
    I feel terrible seeing him in such a state.

  7. #7
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by Newbie_hk View Post
    Wow Thanka2, you have to tell me how you succeeded with pick up/put down as we've tried it without much success.

    As with all the replies above, if you used to have a routine, go back to it or make one. My daughter has a routine that pretty much became her sleep association. No matter where we sleep, which country, who puts her to sleep, as long as she has the routine, she strongly associates it with sleep. Stick with it no matter what.

    Good luck & hope you all get your sleep back!
    My question is how long did you stick with it and when did you start it? (PU/PD). It's not successful unless you stick to it and you gradually increase the time that you allow the child to try to self-soothe. We started out with 3-minute intervals and by the time we had worked up to 15-minute intervals we pretty much were on a schedule and didn't really have to bother with PU/PD anymore. We started when my son was 5.5 months old. Took less than 10 days to finish the whole process but we never, never, never caved to him--that was the secret to the success, I think.

    I think you have a great bit of advice here too in that sleep is more than just location for babies and children it's about the routine that leads up to sleep. For us, that routine has always been (for both of my children), food time (either bottle or snack), bath time, book time, prayer time and sleep time. Also, my 3-year-old now listens to a story CD as he drifts off to sleep--we started that when he was 2-years-old. So, no matter if we're in a hotel, with the grandparents or on holiday, we always, always keep the same routine and it works. Great advice, Newbie_hk.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  8. #8
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by stamcel View Post
    Hi ladies,
    We did sleep train him when he was younger, the problem I am having now is getting him to stay in bed....I put him in bed, stay a while and then leave...then he crying and screaming starts. He will then climb out (sometime fall out) of his crib...major drama and he is just so upset. I put him back in his bed over and over again...until we are both exhausted...
    I feel terrible seeing him in such a state.
    Hmmm...so the first time you sleep trained him, what difficulties did you run into? How did you overcome them?

    Oh, and BTW, how old is your child? If he's old enough to climb out of his crib, I would suggest considering putting him into a bed that is close to the floor and then put a mat beside the bed so if he rolls out he doesn't get hurt. (we bought a cheap mattress cushion at Price Rite). In that way, you eliminate the danger of him falling out and that frees you up to properly sleep train him as a toddler (which he seems to be). Otherwise, you're sort of "held captive" by the worry that "Oh, no, he's going to hurt himself." Eliminate that problem first.

    So, if that danger is eliminated, the only issue you have is him staying in his room--whether he's in his bed or not probably isn't the biggest issue. My son used to have a fit or two when he wanted to be let out of his room but we practiced PU/PD with him (sometimes they revert so even if they're toddlers and you go back to the PU/PD method it still works)--he might carry on but eventually he would settle down and fall asleep--sometimes not in his bed but on the floor next to it--that was okay with us.

    Be consistent. The concept of PU/PD is this. You pick the child up enough to calm them down and comfort them. You do not make eye contact with them or speak to them except in short commands. You just allow them to know that your presence is there and they are safe. When the child is calm, you put them down in their bed, give them their lovey toy say something like, "Goodnight", stand up and walk out of the room. By that point, the child will likely be screaming and throwing a fit. You set a time frame--usually starting off on 3-5 minutes waiting. Then you go back in, comfort them again--it may take longer on some times until they are basically not crying. You again, place them in their bed, give them their toy and say, "Love you, goodnight" and walk out. You wait another 5 minutes--and you keep doing this and gradually increase your time. If nothing else, the child will wear out their resistance. There are more tips in the book if you take a look. You've gotta have guts to do this and sometimes it does take a long time to accomplish--even if the child is getting over jet lag--every child is different so you have to mentally set yourself for the long-haul and hope that it's shorter than you think.

    But, the beauty is that if you plow through you'll probably reset his schedule in less than 10 days (maybe even 2 or 3) rather than draw it out by continually caving to his demands. It's a balance--you are not letting him "cry it out" but you just tell yourself, "I will be there for him in 5 minutes--he's not going to die in 5 minutes" if you feel that it's hard. Then you go in, offer your physical reassurance and exit. But, let me tell you, once you do this and he starts to sleep his schedule will be SOLID and if you ever have other speed bumps again you''ll have the experience and confidence to deal with them in the same way--and it will take like 1 day to deal with them. It really does work but if you have the concept that "Oh, poor child, has to go to sleep and doesn't want to so he cries" you'll never be able to accomplish it. The attitude is, "Lucky kid gets to have a good night's sleep so he can be healthy and we can be healthy (especially mentally) and this is the best for his mind and body and also good for him to learn the skill of putting himself to sleep. I want to help and encourage him--so even though it might look like 'torture' and he might think it's 'torture' in the end we will all be a happier family for it."
    Last edited by thanka2; 10-21-2011 at 03:26 PM.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

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