- 10-25-2011, 12:42 PM #9Registered User
- Join Date
- May 2009
It also depends on the situation and how close one is to the person. If it were a close friend, I would just express my feelings to her as in, "I know you probably don't mean to be like this but when you say this, I feel this way..." Hopefully with close friends I would be able to work through it with them with minimal hurt feelings on both sides.
If it's just random people or acquaintances, I tend to just kind of brush it off. If they're people I come into contact with a lot, I might consider distancing myself from them if they clearly are trying to "get at me." Another option is to politely take the person aside and explain your own vulnerabilities as in, "I know you probably aren't meaning to bug me with this but y'know, I'm having some difficult times in mommyland and just thought I'd let you know that those comments kind of make it tougher for me."
Apart from these, there isn't much that can be done, I think. None of us are as helpful and sensitive as we should be all the time and moms can be the worst offenders, I think. We can also be the worst offenders when it comes to...well...getting offended.“Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”
~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)
Mother of Two
JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK
- 10-25-2011, 01:05 PM #10Registered User
- Join Date
- Jul 2008
- Hong Kong
I think it's the attitude or tone that is the issue. When someone is talking about their problems and another person decides he/she is the xavier and starts raving about how he never has such issues or how fabulous his/her kids are etc just comes off as inconsiderate and fishing for compliments.
Probably filter them OUT as friends. The truth of the matter for me is when you are from St Elsewheres (me) and first come to HK you are kind of thrown in with people who you may or may not really get along with. Unlike back home where you have had a whole lifetime to slowly develop your circle and you have naturally been able to distance yourself from those not to your taste.
Here, in HK, the fist year I was surrounded by people who were ALWAYS fishing for compliments, and I've come to realise that its because in this society (or at least the people I was exposed to), you have to bring something to the table (transactional society) and have been told many times, that you are not special in and of yourself but because you bring something to the table....extraordinary wife, mother, cook, knitter extraordinaire ect.....it didn't feel as if I could just be okay for being a regular mum with regular struggles and anyway people weren't interested in hearing it.
With time though and with more confidence in my own abilities and intuition, I started to contract my circle of friends, to the ones that I really liked and could truly share my joys (and not have them be envious or belittle my achievements) and my struggles (and not have them just tell me how wonderful their life was....blah,blah,blah.......). End of the day, its taken time, and I'm still going through the process now.
It was my husband who pointed out to me that I developed my circled of friends over a lifetime in Australia, and expected that to be replicated in like 2 minutes here....well it can't happen and didn't.......but I am in a better place for seeing it from this perspective.
So...end of the day, if you honestly believe that these people don't have your best interests at heart and aren't really sharing with you, weed them out of your circle, life is incredibly busy with children and husbands in tow, so it's not as if you can actually spare the time to waste with these types. Finally, you will find the right group for you with perseverence....
- 10-25-2011, 01:30 PM #11Registered User
- Join Date
- Dec 2007
- Hong Kong
I think its important to be proud of yourself as a mother and confident in your choices. Every mother is different, and every baby is different. When people brag to me that their babies sleep through the night or whatever, I am not impressed one iota, as I wonder what their babies went through to achieve that. I prefer my baby to be able to do things in his own time. I am proud of this little person regardless of when he does things. As soon as I stopped caring what everyone else thought and what the books said, I fell even more in love with mummy-hood. Enjoy your little person and his/her uniqueness :)
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