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Helper viewing porn at night...

  1. #17
    charade is offline Registered User
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    I would not have a problem with my helper viewing porn in the privacy of her own room in her off time on her own computer as long as it is not affecting her work. However, if this is a computer you might want back and since she herself complained it's not working, you could just frankly point out to her the reason is the porn website which are notorious for causing viruses and if she is frequenting these websites, the computer is never going to work properly. Since she brought the problem to you, there's no reason to mince around the issue.
    Ai li, cuppatea and satay sue like this.

  2. #18
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    agree with charade completely. the only problem i would have is that she is using my computer. if it was her own, you would have no idea and it wouldn't be any of your business.

  3. #19
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by KCKMelb View Post
    our son is 15 months, not years


    Then it's definitely not him using the computer.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  4. #20
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by carang View Post
    agree with charade completely. the only problem i would have is that she is using my computer. if it was her own, you would have no idea and it wouldn't be any of your business.
    I kind of have to disagree on this one. No, we don't (and shouldn't) intentionally try to pry into the private lives of our helpers--that's just common respect. But, when people leave their "laundry" lying around and especially if it's in one's own home one has the absolute right to make clear what one wants and doesn't want in one's home and those reasons are totally personal and totally justified no matter what they are because, afterall, it is one's home. This is a non-issue (as far as internet stuff goes) for us because our helper doesn't use the internet at our house. I have moral objections to pornography and it's my house and my rules. Yes, it's where the helper lives but above all it's my place and my property first so she'll just have to deal with it. There are other rules we have about our house that may not make sense to anyone else but that's just how it is and as long as I'm upfront about it with her I don't think it's unreasonable to require or not allow certain things. Okay, end soapbox. :)
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  5. #21
    carang's Avatar
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    i do agree with you, it is your house and you make the rules for your house... personally, i would draw the line at illegal goings on... if she was smoking a joint in her room, i would most certainly object (would also be grounds for dismissal, in my books).... but porn... while we don't view it, it really isn't my business if that is what my 39 year old helper does, so long as it's on her own time, on her own computer. it doesn't necessarily make her a bad person. it makes her a woman, living with another family, who may need to find release in her own way.... besides, how would i EVER know unless i go looking and snooping in her room, on her computer? isn't that a little immoral in and of itself?

    however, if she decided to watch it while sitting in the living room or on my computer, i would most certainly have things to say about it.
    2010-NewDad and satay sue like this.

  6. #22
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by carang View Post
    i do agree with you, it is your house and you make the rules for your house... personally, i would draw the line at illegal goings on... if she was smoking a joint in her room, i would most certainly object (would also be grounds for dismissal, in my books).... but porn... while we don't view it, it really isn't my business if that is what my 39 year old helper does, so long as it's on her own time, on her own computer. it doesn't necessarily make her a bad person. it makes her a woman, living with another family, who may need to find release in her own way.... besides, how would i EVER know unless i go looking and snooping in her room, on her computer? isn't that a little immoral in and of itself?

    however, if she decided to watch it while sitting in the living room or on my computer, i would most certainly have things to say about it.
    Different requirements for different households. I absolutely don't want that stuff in my house. Full stop. There's also certain other media (books, magazines, videos) that I don't want in my house. Some of those are fine by other people--there's stuff that other people are fine with letting their children watch that I'm not okay with as well--just my personal preferences. But in the case of the helper if I came across pornography or other genres of media I don't want in my house I would make that clear. I would just make it clear in the beginning and then trust my helper--she would know that I would find it personally disrespectful and offensive if she brings those things into my house by whatever means (even the internet).

    I liken it to a kosher or halal household that find pork offensive and stipulates that their helper not bring it into the house. To do so, even secretly, shows disrespect for the family--whether you personally like pork or not. Especially offensive would be if the helper brings it in, uses the family cookware to prepare it knowing their stance. I think it's the same thing if one's helper is purposely using porn on the family's computer and internet connection--neither of which belong to her. I don't feel for me it's important to be "politically correct" about the matter. And on another bunny trail...porn is not the only outlet for pent up sexual tension. My helper would just have to get more creative in that case to get her needs met if that was the case.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  7. #23
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    on your last post, i can agree completely. ;)

  8. #24
    KCKMelb is offline Registered User
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    Thanks again. To be clear, we didn't snoop on her private life, she approached us with the computer not operating properly, slow, trouble loading sites. We stumbled across the site history. She isn't invited to spend any time in public areas of the house, so using the Internet in our lounge room for example is totally out of the question. It's really a trust issue. I gave her the computer to use after her work is finished to contact her children, not to get herself off on pornography. Totally agree with a previous poster that those sorts of needs needn't be meet through these means. Arghh... It's impossible to get a right answer I fear!
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