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Helper viewing porn at night...

  1. #25
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Quote Originally Posted by KCKMelb View Post
    Thanks again. To be clear, we didn't snoop on her private life, she approached us with the computer not operating properly, slow, trouble loading sites. We stumbled across the site history. She isn't invited to spend any time in public areas of the house, so using the Internet in our lounge room for example is totally out of the question. It's really a trust issue. I gave her the computer to use after her work is finished to contact her children, not to get herself off on pornography. Totally agree with a previous poster that those sorts of needs needn't be meet through these means. Arghh... It's impossible to get a right answer I fear!
    Posted via Mobile Device
    Have you installed some software to filter sites? There is also free software out there that you can set up that will e mail you any time a questionable site is visited. But, then it makes you the mother of your helper. Have you spoken to her about it? Maybe set up the free software and make sure your virus protection and anti-spamware software is working well and then just warn her that in the future if you find that porn sites are being visited (via the free software you set up that e mails you anytime it is visited) that she'll have to turn over use of the computer and won't be able to use it. In that way, you've really given her the benefit of the doubt regarding pop-up ads or viruses etc.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  2. #26
    charade is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jun 2010

    Regardless how you feel about porn, in this case, since she brought the computer to you with a problem, you are totally within bounds to tell her that she should stop surfing porn on the computer since that's what causing its sluggish performance. In fact, if you're anti-porn, it's the perfect excuse. You don't even have to get moralistic about it - you can just matter-of-factly say that this is what has messed up the computer so don't go to these sites. I think she should get the point, and stay clear of the porn for practical if not moral reasons.

  3. #27
    solidstars's Avatar
    solidstars is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Aug 2008

    agree with penguinsix and carang. possible virus or attachments that just logged themselves in your computer.

    why don't you install a parental control thing? it's your computer and just tell her you installed some stuff. don't they have these filter things like thanka2 said? that way she can still do what she wants and you won't have to worry about viruses and whatnot.

  4. #28
    Gracey is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Hong Kong

    You're right. It is awkward, since live-in helpers are a combination of employee, roommate and quasi-family member. If my trainee watches porn at work, she gets fired. If she watches porn at night in her own room, it's none of my business. But it's neither here nor there with a helper who lives with you and your children.

    Some important questions
    * Is she actually contacting other people? Chatting with strangers is dangerous. Just viewing online stories or photos passively is not so dangerous
    * Is she doing anything that requires money or credit cards? She's not ringing up huge bills without knowing it, is she?
    * Do you ever intend to use that computer again?

    If she's just looking at photos, and that's a throw-away computer anyway, then it's her own business.
    The fact that she's a 40-year-old mom and Christian has nothing to do with it. 40-year-olds have desires. Mothers have desires. And people of all religions have desires. And life as a helper is lonley.

    BUT -- if she is chatting with strangers, racking up charges, or destroying property you need back -- that's really bad.

  5. #29
    Gracey is offline Registered User
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    Sep 2009
    Hong Kong

    Also, of course, if you are very anti-porn, or if this makes you feel very uncomfortable, you have every right to tell her to stop.

  6. #30
    mummymoo is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Hong Kong

    I tend to agree with Gracey, if its just erotic stories then I've no comment (but by the sounds of't sound too benign nor christian) but photos/videos/chats, I'm not comfortable with having in my home. And at the end of the day, it is your home.
    I wouldn't feel embarrassed about it, I would just tell her what your position on the topic is.

  7. #31
    howardcoombs is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Happy Valley

    Parental control? Filters?
    sheesh, we are talking about a 40 year old adult here (not an 11 year old); leave her alone...

    There is such a thing as privacy and personal space. What an adult does in the privacy of their own bedroom, behind closed doors should be left alone (as long as she is not putting others at risk). Some choose to pray and some choose to play. Some want to do both and some want to do neither. Its no-one's business but her own...

    satay sue likes this.

  8. #32
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    Sep 2004
    Sai Kung

    i've been watching true blood the past couple of days... it's fairly explicit... wondering if that would be considered porn/soft porn/erotica/just a tv show?

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