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Preparing for second child

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    megan2008 is offline Registered User
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    Preparing for second child

    Hello, I will be expecting my second child in May and have a 3 year old currently. With my first one I struggled quite a bit; she was colicy and I wasn't the most confident with my parenting skills. In order to prepare for the second baby we hired a helper before even getting pregnant so we could get used to her and trust her. Also, we don't have any relative and few friends that can help. The helper just informed us that she is pregnant too and due on July. That means she won't be any help once the baby comes. My question is to all the moms who have either experienced this or have two children here without any help. How do you do it? Any positive or useful advice is appreciated. Thanks so much.

  2. #2
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    hire a different helper... if possible. good luck!

    you've done it all before, so it shouldn't be too daunting to do it again. you now have an idea of what it COULD be like, but knowing that it could be different, too!

  3. #3
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    The second time around is different than the first time. Easier in some ways, harder in others. I think a far as caring for an infant I was alot more confident and relaxed, but having a three year old myself who doesn't nap I was alot more tired. It is completely doable without a helper, as millions of women around the world who don't have helpers prove everyday!

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    carang's Avatar
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    i agree. somethings are easier, some are a little more difficult.

    your confidence should be greater as you've "been there, done that" for things such as bathing, feeding, nappy changing etc.

    where it is a little more difficult is when you are trying to care for the newborn while at the same time, not neglecting your older one...

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    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    For me, when I gave birth to my first child, I didn't have a helper and was even opposed to having one. After I had a really rough recovery from childbirth that left me immobile at times with back problems, my husband hired part-term local help which was greatly needed.

    I had such a hard first 18 months with my son that I thought I would probably never have any more children. Then when my son was about 2-years-old we hired a full-time helper who is amazing and capable. The possibility of perhaps having more children became something to consider for me--only at that point. So, when my son was 2.5-years-old I got pregnant again.

    For me, personally, I would not want to have small children without help for many reasons--especially with two children. Yes, many women around the world do take care of 1, 2 or many more children without the benefits of a helper but there is a price to be paid for that. It is totally possible to do so but I often talk with a close friend in the States who is managing her nearly 3-year-old and her 9-month-old by herself without a helper and she really struggles. Getting a spare moment to even take a shower or have a few minutes of "me-time" is rare for her. It's even worse when one or both of her children gets sick--which has happened a lot this winter--not to mention if she gets sick too.

    The strain has even started to put her health at risk and has been hard on her marriage as well. Every time I hear about the things she's going through two things go through my mind 1) I remember those times that brought me right to the brink of sanity in my own life 2) I am so, so, so thankful we have a good helper.

    Yes, I could definitely manage without a helper but I don't think I would like that life very much. That's just my personal experience. So, for now, with small children, I'm thankful to have help.

    As far as second child goes...I think it's much better than the first--at least for me. The situation with your helper sounds sticky. I don't know what protocol is for handling the situation where a helper falls pregnant during her contract. The first part-time, local helper I had was 8 weeks pregnant when we hired her and she worked until she was about 6-months-pregnant. However, her workload only really included watching my son--very little, if any, household chores or cleaning.

    If I were in your shoes, I would to my best to get a helper on board who is capable and great to work with before my second child was born. Good luck and congratulations!
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

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    megan2008 is offline Registered User
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    Thank you all for the advice. I don't think it is possible to hire another helper as we don't have the money to pay for two helpers. She hasn't given us the exact due date yet and I am worried that we won't have anyone to watch our daughter when it's time to deliver. I delivered prematurely with the first one and I worry that it may happen again. Has anyone had a pregnant helper before? What is the process for that? Do they have the baby here on back home?

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    lesliefu is offline Registered User
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    My old helper went home 1 month before she was due as she wanted to b with family when she delivered ( husband, mother, etc) and after a month of her delivering she decided ahe didn't want to come back...had to hire someone else...lucky for me I want pregnant...make sure your intends to return if she is delivering in her hometown.

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    carang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by megan2008 View Post
    Thank you all for the advice. I don't think it is possible to hire another helper as we don't have the money to pay for two helpers. She hasn't given us the exact due date yet and I am worried that we won't have anyone to watch our daughter when it's time to deliver. I delivered prematurely with the first one and I worry that it may happen again. Has anyone had a pregnant helper before? What is the process for that? Do they have the baby here on back home?
    maybe your helper would be willing to "quit" if you paid her to go? you cannot legally fire her, but she CAN quit (with financial incentive) so that you can hire someone else.
    lesliefu and charade like this.

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