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Mental problem / child abuse

  1. #9
    Gracey is offline Registered User
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    Cara -- I'm not sure why you're jumping on me. My comment was not meant for you at all. It was meant for the original poster.
    My point (for her) is that she doesn't have to wait for her children to actually be hit to seek help.
    Banging and yelling could be abuse -- or not. We don't know since none of us are there. But if she's concerned about something as serious as abuse, and mental instability in the other parent, she should get help immediately, instead of waiting for someone to get hurt.
    I don't know if the poster is Asian or not, but I've seen Asian families play down abuse just because the child is not "beaten and bruised."

  2. #10
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    carang is offline Registered User
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    sorry, gracey... as can be expected, child abuse can be a touchy subject, especially for those who have suffered it...

    ps> i've been in a really bad mood today, sorry if i took it out on you...

  3. #11
    Gracey is offline Registered User
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    No problem, Cara. I'm sorry about your past. I imagine it's not easy for those who have been through it.
    A happy, healthy new year to you and your family!

  4. #12
    charade is offline Registered User
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    I think before reporting it as child abuse, I'd get some advice about whether this actually constitutes child abuse from professionals and what can be done (and the approach would differ depending on whether you and your kids live with your husband or not - it's not clear from your post). You said this behaviour started only lately - it could be a result of stress at work and maybe counselling would help. And as Gracey said, there are some people who are just not prepared for the sheer noise children make and the energy required to care for them...and some cultures condone that kind of behaviour. So they need to be made aware that their behaviour is wrong and unproductive but may not be as drastic as classifying it as mental problems (again, I think only professionals can diagnose mental problems).

    Apart from the links Thanka2 mentioned, you could try this NGO called Against Child Abuse (http://www.aca.org.hk/) to get some guidance on how to approach your situation.

  5. #13
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by charade View Post
    I think before reporting it as child abuse, I'd get some advice about whether this actually constitutes child abuse from professionals and what can be done (and the approach would differ depending on whether you and your kids live with your husband or not - it's not clear from your post). You said this behaviour started only lately - it could be a result of stress at work and maybe counselling would help. And as Gracey said, there are some people who are just not prepared for the sheer noise children make and the energy required to care for them...and some cultures condone that kind of behaviour. So they need to be made aware that their behaviour is wrong and unproductive but may not be as drastic as classifying it as mental problems (again, I think only professionals can diagnose mental problems).

    Apart from the links Thanka2 mentioned, you could try this NGO called Against Child Abuse (http://www.aca.org.hk/) to get some guidance on how to approach your situation.
    I think that it needs to be added that no one is saying that this isn't a big deal. If you have a gut feeling that something is not right, it's best to remove yourself and your children from the situation at least until you can find some help. If you feel unsafe and feel it is unsafe for your children, you have every right as a mother to make it a safe situation. Not every person is open to counseling but your priority is to keep yourself and your children away from harm--physical, emotional and mental. Please do seek professional help and advice. Hoping for the best for you and your children.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

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  6. #14
    elle is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by sparkeye View Post
    Hi , I'm a mother of 2 child( 3 and 1 year old) recently( past few months) I noticed their father is behaving too rough to them especially on my elder child. He will shout and bang on anything just to make them stop crying.
    She start to cry most of the nights in the middle of sleep of which I think she was dreaming.
    Is there any reason why you cannot or have not voiced your concerns to him and asked him to alter his behavior? My husband has done some things that I'm not fond of around our child and I have been very upfront with him about it and asked him to stop - although in my case I am certain there is no physical danger or 'mental problem' involved - just a frustrated guy who doesn't know how to cope with a situation. With the limited information you have provided it is difficult to say whether or not there is abuse or a mental problem (lots of fathers shout at kids, athough I am NOT saying it is right, okay or good, it is not an uncommon issue) athough in any event it doesn't sound like good parenting and something should be changed.

    Others have noted some very good resources with following up with and also if you feel as though there is an immediate danger would just remove yourself and the children from the situation.

  7. #15
    Papaya is offline Registered User
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    You can also get help from Soultalk http://soultalk.org/soultalk/main/co...?lang=E&id=122
    This charity can be really helpful if you need to get away with the kids as they have a place where you can stay for free. They also offer online or phone support.

    Wish you much strengh in dealing with this and doing what you need to do to keep yourself and your children safe.

  8. #16
    sparkeye is offline Registered User
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    Thank you all for the details comments and links. In fact I've been browsing for the same.
    We are still together under same roof and just that his family and relative is having such history and he has been really rough to my child and that is why I started to worry.

    All of the above comments reminds me of myself too.
    In fact both of us r not good parent with good parenting skill. skills.

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