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  • 1 Post By carang
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I have gota trouble and absent mind helper

  1. #1
    JOY88ALWAYS is offline Registered User
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    Angry I have gota trouble and absent mind helper

    I am so angry, I give many chance to my helper.. forgiving her mistake, careless for many times , But how come she still seems she will never improve, this really drive me crazy.... Any suggestion to let her remember the things, no day dreaming or careless?? Ahhh

  2. #2
    elle is offline Registered User
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    This really isn't a forum to complain about your helper on.

    She is an employee and a member of your household. You are an adult. If it isn't working out you know what you need to do. Your complaints are so vague that it makes it difficult for anyone to give you any helpful feedback.

    However, if you really don't know how to communicate with your employee, here are a few suggestions:

    (1) Put your expectations for her job down, in writing. Be as detailed as you think you need to be. Have her read it and speak with her about it, when you are calm, and ask if she has any questions.

    (2) Regarding whatever it is that you think she is doing incorrectly, first, make sure she understands how to do it right - show her, ask if she has questions, gently correct her the first few times.

    (3) If she makes a mistake, again calmly, ask her why she has made whatever mistake (repeatedly), after you have explained to her how you want things done. Listen to her answer. She may genuinely not understand what you want from her, or there may be some other reason - is she overworked, is she getting enough sleep, etc.

  3. #3
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    i am having exactly the same problems with an employee at work. she is driving me mad. however, the only one i can blame is myself for keeping her on, when i have done everything humanly possible to find a solution.

    this is not a problem solely in "helper-dom"... it is a real problem out in the "real world", too.
    rebekah likes this.

  4. #4
    TheQuasimother is offline Registered User
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    Is she getting enough rest? My helper sometimes stays up to chat to her family back home and the next day, she's not all that alert. So I simply ask her to get more sleep that day.

    Is she missing her family? Is she allowed to get enough time daily to communicate with her family? I find that when they have not spoken to anyone outside your family i.e. get a semblance of regular life, they are not their best. So, we try to slot in playground time everyday for our kids so that she gets to mingle. And again, she gets off early every night.

    Is she getting enough nutrition? Our helper gets a healthy, balanced diet. She gets salmon, avocado, ... the things that we think will help with brain function, healthy body etc. Again, it's up to the employers to ensure a good diet as if I left it to my helper, she'll eat spam and instant noodles everyday! I do nag at her to eat well.
    jvn likes this.
    “If you want to get to the castle, you’ve got to swim the moat.” Richard Jenkins in Eat Pray Love

  5. #5
    Gracey is offline Registered User
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    Some of my Chinese family have ridiculously high expectations of their helpers, and seem to forget that they are basically just maids from poor countries, working for very low salaries.
    If they can't learn everything on the job right away, or they don't know some detail of HK life (like picking up the wrong local newspaper) or anything goes wrong in the house, they blame the helper. They even blame the helper if the kids aren't doing well in school, even though the helper is not a qualifed educator.
    It's not just the locals. I know one gweilo who blames the helper with grocery prices go up -- even though she shows him receipts from the supermarket. He also blames the helper when things are misplaced (even if he misplaced them himself)
    My point is that you have to be reasonable. Your original question said nothing except that she is "careless."
    Did she do something really wrong? Did you teach her and give her a fair chance to learn and improve?
    Are her living standards good?
    This site should be for getting solid advice, not just ragging on the helpers who get us through our days.
    elle likes this.

  6. #6
    Gracey is offline Registered User
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    @ Quasimother. I was wondering about that.
    Our helper is live-out and has a good food allowance. We also offer her food sometimes when she is here.
    Her diet is terrible -- not because of a lack of money, but because she eats lots of sweets and fast food.
    Sometimes, if we offer her healthy food she's not familiar with, she will turn it down. She also hasn't taken us up on the offer to use our kitchen to cook her own food if she wants.
    On one hand, I figure she's an adult and her diet is none of my business. A guy I sit next to at work also has a horrible diet and horrible personal habits, but it's not my place to tell him what to do.
    On the other hand, if she gets sick, it will hurt me and my family (I have a baby and am going back to work soon). Plus, i will have to cover her medical costs and care for her.
    She seems healthy so far. But her diet is really bad, and I don't think she gets much exercise or fresh air, even though we've told her that she's free to go to the park with the child, or even just on her break.
    What should I do?

  7. #7
    TheQuasimother is offline Registered User
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    Gracey, does she eat any meals at your family home? Encourage her to eat at your place before she leaves or at lunch or breakfast?

    Perhaps it could also be a case of not getting enough rest? I find that when my helper lived out, she's more tired too. I think they do a lot more normal things when they're done with work just like us.

    It's a really hard situation to be in but try to work around it. E.g. Ask her to take your child to the park NOT give her the option? Schedule that in your child's routine?

    Good Luck! I hope you find a solution :-)
    “If you want to get to the castle, you’ve got to swim the moat.” Richard Jenkins in Eat Pray Love

  8. #8
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    What some people define "careless" in Hong Kong, I honestly don't see as a big deal. I actually hadn't heard the word "careless" used very often before I came here. I think it's use (and overuse) is a very local Hong Kong thing. So, as others have said, you might need to give us more information about this "careless" behavior your helper engages in. It could honestly just be you being too picky and expecting too much.

    But, at the end of the day, if your helper is absent-minded and you're concerned about it and you've given her a fair chance to improve (patient instruction, modeling what you expect, forgiving small mistakes, keeping a good attitude toward her, being reasonable, treating her with respect etc.) then you may just have to find a helper who fits better with your family and your expectations. We had to do that once--I hated to do it because we did everything we could possibly do to help that particular helper improve but in the end it didn't work out.
    satay sue and elle like this.
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    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

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