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Shall I consider counselling/psychotherapy for baby blues?

  1. #9
    lina27 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by carang View Post
    that said, if you are really feeling depressed, of course you should talk to someone professional.
    I don't think I am in full blown depression, i.e. being disfunctional, staying in bed all day or not sleeping, neglecting my work duties, etc. Often however I feel melancholic (esp given HK's current weather pattern - not enough sunlight). But let's see how I will feel when take up yoga classes and perhaps meet other preggy women (joining this forum already helps).

  2. #10
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    see the thing is, that from my experience, once you hold that precious being in your arms, you don't WANT to be that selfish person again. (now, i know this is not true for everyone, but it certainly was for me).

    while there are times, i fondly look back at my PK (pre-kids) days, i really don't think i would want to revisit them. while my world does not revolve around my kids (i run 3 different businesses.... ok, i try to run 3 different businesses), they ARE the centre of my being. i cannot imagine my life without them now.

    i have a friend who, 3 months ago, lost her 13 year old son to the stupidity of the "choking game". i truly cannot comprehend the total grief and devastation she is feeling.

    the pregnancy itself should be a time to reflect what your life has been and what it will become, but all the while not really understanding what it will become (hence the fear of the unknown)...i know it's cliche, but until you are a mother, you won't "get it".

    i do understand that it isn't so simple for some people, which is why being open to counselling is a very good thing.
    Last edited by carang; 01-15-2012 at 04:53 PM.
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  3. #11
    lina27 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by jvn View Post
    don't expect to snap back to your 'old self' once the baby is born
    Indeed, I did hope to "snap back to my 'old self' once the baby is born" - with the help of exercise and domestic help. Perhaps my expectations are totally unrealistic...

  4. #12
    lina27 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by carang View Post
    see the thing is, that from my experience, once you hold that precious being in your arms, you don't WANT to be that selfish person again. (now, i know this is not true for everyone, but it certainly was for me).

    while there are times, i fondly look back at my PK (pre-kids) days, i really don't think i would want to revisit them. while my world does not revolve around my kids (i run 3 different businesses.... ok, i try to run 3 different businesses), they ARE the centre of my being. i cannot imagine my life without them now.
    Wow, running 3 businesses and being a mom! And, not wanting to go back to one's PK days - - This is very encouraging. Thank you for putting things in perspective for me... Losing a child is perhaps the worst tragedy that can befall anyone...

  5. #13
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    carang is offline Registered User
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    yep, 2 playgroup centres and a dog boarding business. both hubby and i are self-employed (which adds a whole new dimension to the financial aspect of raising kids).

    don't get me wrong, there are times when i think banging my head repeatedly into a brick wall would be more fun than raising my kids, those times are completely wiped out virtually the second i hear, "Mummy, you're the best mummy in the WHOOOOOOLLLLLE universe! I love you from the very bottom of the sea right to the tippy-toppy of space!" (something my son said to me when he was about 4-5 years old).

    if all you feel like doing right now is sleeping, then, i say, GO FOR IT! it wont be long before you can only dream about sleeping as you will be so tired from feeding, burping, changing nappies, changing clothes, feeding, changing nappies,changing clothes.... you get the picture.
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  6. #14
    genkimom is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by lina27 View Post
    Indeed, I did hope to "snap back to my 'old self' once the baby is born" - with the help of exercise and domestic help. Perhaps my expectations are totally unrealistic...
    You have plenty of time to figure out what a realistic expectation is for you and your family, but you may be in for quite a shock and disappointment if you believe you will snap back to your old self once the baby is born. Some women do return to something of their origional selves within a year or so after birth, but others prefer the new self and don't ever return to old ways. Most balance things they did PK (to borrow carang's expression) with things they wont do again. But note I said "after a year or so". Girl, the job of a newborn is to make it abundantly clear that you are no longer the center of your universe and you are no longer the same person you were. They do their job very well. You could have 10 helpers doing everything for you and still you will get that message loud and clear from your baby.

    If you refuse to accept this and try to force yourself to live as if nothing has changed, you are going to be headed for a mess of trouble. But if you are patient, once the child gets older and a bit more self-sufficient, you MAY be able to patch together some version of your old self, physically and mentally and emotionally. But it will take time and wont be as instantaneous as you sound like you are hoping it to be.

    Just a word to the wise. Like i said, you have plenty of time to think about that, and whatever you decide, your baby is going to dictate the terms and conditions of your lifestyle in the beginning anyway, so flexibility is key to saving your sanity.
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  7. #15
    jvn
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    Quote Originally Posted by lina27 View Post
    Indeed, I did hope to "snap back to my 'old self' once the baby is born" - with the help of exercise and domestic help. Perhaps my expectations are totally unrealistic...
    Physically there's no reason why you can't go back to your old energetic self, just make allowances for the fact that the hormones you have now don't leave the moment the baby is born so you may make yourself unhappy if you expect too much of yourself too soon. Give yourself time and you'll be fine.

    As for motherhood changing who you are, it certainly has me and I wouldn't want it any other way, not even for a moment :-D
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  8. #16
    lina27 is offline Registered User
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    Thanks to 'genkimom' and 'jvn' for the insightful comments and advice. I guess I am just extrapolating too much and overanalyzing the situation. This kind of 'thinking too much' makes me sceptical, fearful and sad to an extent. Instead, I should just get on with life and go with the flow, and when time comes the baby and motherhood will naturally transform me (mother Nature will take over) - at least bring about a shift in consciousness that will allow me adjust to my new condition. Right now with only a theoretical knowledge of motherhood and not-so-pleasant experience of pregnancy, I am ambivalent about motherhood and slightly shocked by a personality makeover which is already underway (thanks to hormones). My mom tells me that she'd rather be pregnant than menopaused coz the latter is hormonally MUCH worse. Well, her claim is somewhat reassuring, at least for the time being... Thanks to you all for your comments and advice!
    Last edited by lina27; 01-15-2012 at 11:47 PM.

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