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Experiences mom pls HELP!

  1. #1
    buzzbee is offline Registered User
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    Experiences mom pls HELP!

    My husband and I really want to have a baby this year but I am going to university for a one year masters in September. Experienced moms I need your advise. Is it going to be very difficult to be a first time mother, have an infant at home and study at the same time? Is it practical? My course will be tough so I def will need to study and put in effort. The other scenario is that we wait for a year, but we don't want to do that cause we feel so ready to be parents. I am really confused. I just want to start trying now but I also want to do well at my masters course. Is it best to postpone?

  2. #2
    lesliefu is offline Registered User
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    unless you are really regular, and even IF you are really regular, it normally takes a few months before you conceive...it wont happen just because you want a baby. so, my advice would be to just try as you do your masters course, and if you do in fact conceive, hopefully it will only overlap with your first trimester and perhaps a bit of your second (if you're unlucky). i was working full time and studying for my doctorate part time when i had my first...i gave birth a month after i finished my first year of studies...you get tired, and all the travelling to and from classes is not bad, but to be honest, i think it is all in the mind. i didn't really think too much about it, and just went about my "normal" routine. lucky was my pregnancy was easy..no one will know what type of pregnancy you will have....not trying to jinx you here (easy refers to no morning sickness - that's all). the stress of wanting a baby later on may actually make things harder to conceive...if you let things happen, it will be much easier. hope i'm making sense here.... good luck with your decision! :)

  3. #3
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Well...

    I think this depends on a lot of things. Here are some things I would consider if I were you:

    1. Your age. I think it does make a difference. Not always but if your "body clock is ticking" and you want to have a baby maybe putting off having a baby until you're done studying is not a good idea. If you're young enough that you don't think this is an issue it may not apply.

    2. Your personality and time management skills. Are you good at multi-tasking? Are you self-disciplined? Are you an independent worker? Attempting to have a small baby or child at home while studying full-time will require all of the above--and it will still be hard.

    3. Help. Will you have any? Do you plan to hire a domestic helper? Will your family help out with taking care of the baby? Will your husband be helping you carry the responsibility for the child? This is a huge factor.

    4. Your work situation. Are you working full-time or part-time will you be staying at home? This is also a huge factor as master's study consumes a ton of time for reading and completing papers.

    Beyond that, all I can say is that studying full-time for a master's degree is very tiring and time consuming. This past summer and fall I did a semester of part-time master's study while working full-time. I have two children. One is 4-years-old and the other is a baby. At the time I was still breastfeeding (or pumping milk at work) the baby about 6-8 times/day. When I started the course my baby was only 4 months old.

    I have a very involved husband who carries more than his share of the weight in raising our children--and he does so with a good attitude and without complaining--he'll see that I'm stressed and just do what needs to be done to help out without being asked to. I also have an amazing domestic helper whom I'm really close with and who is responsible, clever and very self-managing so I don't have to worry about much with her.

    I still felt on the brink of exhaustion and collapse nearly the entire time I was studying. Sometimes I would have to work through the night until 5 am to finish a paper and then get up and go to work at 8 am and work all day--sometimes I had to do this 2-3 days in a row.

    If I were you, I would wait. Especially since being a first-time parent is SOOO much different than being a parent for the second or third time. You have no idea what types of challenges you may face. With my first child I had severe post-partum depression that was beyond my control (hormones, chemical changes in the body etc.) for nearly a year. I can't even imagine what the stress of study would have done to my body. Also, with the first child you are really learning how to be a parent--actually you are transforming into a new person through the process. I think in a way you might be cheating yourself and your child if you are consumed with study at the same time. Also, the stress of study is really hard on one's body usually and if you're going to attempt it while also trying to either be pregnant, breastfeed or simply look after your baby, your health may suffer greatly. Also, you may miss a lot of those precious first moments with your child as you cram and stress to get the study done.

    A year is actually not a very long time to wait to get pregnant. You could invest the next year into preparing your body well for pregnancy and parenthood and getting your study done and then go on with your plans to start a family.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  4. #4
    buzzbee is offline Registered User
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    I do realize deep inside that its best to wait. My husband and I were so excited about trying our first baby but then the admission happened and now I can't help feeling very disappointed because most likely I will be pushing the baby plans further. The baby can't coincide with the exams, job interview times or the class room training times ( Im studying to be a teacher). These past months, every time we crossed a toddler or a baby - both me and my husband were going all mushy . I think I will be silly to try and juggle a baby and university. I def won't be able to handle the stress. But Im sad now..

  5. #5
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    nicolejoy is offline Registered User
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    I have two kids (3 and 1) and a busy schedule with them. I don't work, but I study part time. I get physically sick if I don't have enough sleep and can't push through it. I have about as much on my plate as I can handle right now!! How long is your masters going to be, and how flexible is it? You can't exactly time when your baby will be born - even if you time the pregnancy right (which is a mean feat in itself!) the baby may come earlier or later than the due date. I think you need to ask yourself what is more important - finishing your masters now, or having a baby now? Finishing the masters first (if you definitely want/need masters) will be much easier before a baby - but that does not necessarily make it right for you...

  6. #6
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by buzzbee View Post
    I do realize deep inside that its best to wait. My husband and I were so excited about trying our first baby but then the admission happened and now I can't help feeling very disappointed because most likely I will be pushing the baby plans further. The baby can't coincide with the exams, job interview times or the class room training times ( Im studying to be a teacher). These past months, every time we crossed a toddler or a baby - both me and my husband were going all mushy . I think I will be silly to try and juggle a baby and university. I def won't be able to handle the stress. But Im sad now..
    Yes, in Hong Kong being pregnant and trying to get a job is a hard task--I've done that before (twice!) It's not impossible but definitely puts you at a disadvantage. A lot of places will skip over you for the next candidate who is not pregnant. It's not supposed to be that way but it does happen. Also, in many jobs (especially teaching jobs) you won't qualify for paid maternity leave unless you have been working at the place for about a full nine months before you give birth. So, if you do happen to get hired while pregnant then you could be on unpaid maternity leave--which for some people is a big deal.

    There's always the option of trying to get pregnant (as lesliefu suggested) and then seeing what happens. No one can predict the future. It could take you some time to actually get pregnant and who knows it could coincide perfectly with your study and work goals.

    It's a difficult decision and will require compromise. In life most of the time we can't have everything exactly how we'd like--just because we're human and have limitations.

    I also agree with Nicole that study will be so much easier before children. If I could have gone back and done things differently, I know I would have preferred to have finished my master's degree before becoming a parent. Juggling pregnancy, parenthood, work and study really isn't easy for me and only makes "mommy guilt" a bigger thing to battle against. Am I doing a good job at being a mother? An employee? A student? Or am I compromising so much in each area that I'm only scraping by? It's something that crosses my mind a lot even though I am content with how my life is going at the moment.

    Yes, like I said, it's a big decision.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  7. #7
    Gracey is offline Registered User
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    "The baby can't coincide with the exams, job interview times or the class room training times... I think I will be silly to try and juggle a baby and university. I def won't be able to handle the stress."

    I think you just answered your own question. Don't have a baby irresponsibly because you walk past a cute one and feel "mushy." They are an enormous amount of work and a huge responsibility.

    It's just a one-year program. Why don't you start trying to conceive early next year, so your studies overlap with pregnancy, but not childcare?

    I'm a pretty efficient worker at a difficult job, and was a good student in my time. And I'll say that the first two months of motherhood were by far the hardest thing I've ever done. I didn't get more than 3 hours consecutive sleep for almost 10 weeks.

  8. #8
    marie313 is offline Registered User
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    i agree with Gracey. start trying to conceive when you are about half way through your course. I started a part time correspondence degree when i was pregnant, thinking i would be able to continue when i had the baby. i couldnt, it was impossible! i was so tired all the time, not to mention the baby brain which meant anything outside of breast feeding, changing nappies and SLEEP was beyond my mental capabilities! if you finish before the baby is born your life will be so much easier.

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