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Smug parenting

  1. #1
    Newbie_hk is offline Registered User
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    Smug parenting

    We were one of those families who arrived here at an awkward time & missed the deadlines for primary 1 applications & have since been put on several wait lists. As some of you know, it's very frustrating especially when other kids are starting to get letters of acceptance at primary school. At my daughter's
    preschool , I've encountered a smug insensitive mum who kinda said "Don't stick around for K3 in that loser preschool of ours. My son's got a slot to P1 in another school so see ya later!"

    I see this mum everyday. We spent Christmas & special occasions together. Our kids play together, attend lots of extracurricular stuff together & it's hard to pretend everything's okay when it's not.

    Can I just punch her in the face? Just kidding. Seriously, what should I do? Sometimes I want to confront her but at the same time, I just feel I should let it slide & try my best to avoid her (very hard)

  2. #2
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    just say you are happy with where you are... not all kids go from k3 to p1. as a matter of fact no local student would do that. the local system starts after k3.

    so, while my son is in P1 in a local school, his friend (only 2 months older than he is) is in P3....who cares? doesn't make them smarter, just makes them "luckier"....if you can call it luck.

  3. #3
    howardcoombs is offline Registered User
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    Tell her the old joke:
    Q: Hey, do you know what happened when your son moved from this school to the next one?
    A: The average IQs of both schools suddenly shot up.

    Once you do that and see her facial expression, your feelings of wanting to punch her will disappear - but dont be surprised if she wants to turn around and punch you instead...be prepared to leave&run quickly.
    Last edited by howardcoombs; 03-21-2012 at 02:54 PM.
    shwetakhanna likes this.

  4. #4
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Newbie, does this lady happen to be part of the "Haves and Have Nots" club you mentioned in your other post? If so, my advice is to find a different friend. And be secure and confident in where you are and where your child is. Life has a way of working itself out and you'll get into the "right" school for your child--just be patient. I personally distance myself from people who have the type of attitude the lady you described has. Not a big fan of "frenemies."
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  5. #5
    vasectomydad is offline Registered User
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    Not a big fan of "frenemies" eith but I don't think anyone is... this goes deeper than Have + have nots, but also a good point. The local school vs ESF vs international also goes creepily into levels of newbies newfound triple D's (my expression excuse the crassness for Driver, Debentures, n Domestics). Just find friends you are comfortable with and stick with them. "You spend your first year making friends and your second year trying to loose them". No one sets out to do this, but finding common ground is important. Stay true to yourself, and who you were BEFORE HK. Please don't get caught up in the triple Ds, or in anyone who is. Would you live like this (HK life style) in your home country? Probably 90+% of the of the NON-native Chinese would say No. Hope you feel better soon.
    thanka2 likes this.

  6. #6
    Honkyblues is offline Registered User
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    For now let it slide. And don't fret over it. But if she continues to disparage the school your child is attending (and you're happy with that school), then say to her, calmly, "Look, I know you're happy your child is now in xxx school. But mine is still at this pre-school and I'm not enjoying hearing you put it down. No school is perfect, but every time you criticize this school, you are criticizing me and the choices I've made for my daughter." See if she gets the hint to back off the subject from then on. If she doesn't, then I would just avoid her. You don't need toxic friends.
    thanka2 likes this.

  7. #7
    Newbie_hk is offline Registered User
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    I just love it when people whom I've never met (like here in Geobaby) can make you feel better & give you great advice. Whereas someone you see everyday & share coffee with can make you feel like scum.

    I was prepared to take out my claws (sharpening it as we speak) but decided to retract them instead. I've blocked her FB updates from my news feed so I don't have to put up with her.

    Thanks everyone for hearing me out. Really appreciate it.

  8. #8
    Gemma is offline Registered User
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    Hahaha.... I have some tai tai friends who like to check in on Facebook only when they are at places like the jockey club, aberdeen marina club, four seasons etc. I just roll my eyes.

    As others have said, Hk can get v materialistic. I like to focus on what I have and count my blessings, like my loving husband, my kids, our health. You never know, behind all that wealth there are possibly many things they would envy you for as well. MILs who wouldn't visit because you didn't bear a son, husbands who have never lifted a finger to change a diaper, never helped with any of the night feeds, fed lunch to kid for the first time when he was aged 2. These are all real stories of some of the wealthy friends I know.

    Chin up!!! :)

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