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Baby cries with grandma

  1. #1
    PNatik is offline Registered User
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    Baby cries with grandma

    Hi, everyone, my mum came to HK to help me with my three kids. My youngest is 10 months now and he cries and don't want her. Before we were in our country when he was 6 month old, and I didn't have any problem. Actually he's very nervous with strangers now and always want mommy. But grandma is very upset about it. I didn't have such experience with my older kids, because they didn't meet grandparents at this age, so I really don't know what to do.

  2. #2
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Sounds like stranger anxiety to me and that's normal. Right around 1-year-old (or a few months before/after) most children get really clingy and don't want to be held by strangers--some don't even want to be near strangers. I can understand about grandma being upset but honestly, there's nothing anyone can do about it at this point. My son was really laid-back with almost everyone and his stranger anxiety phase was really short and not very dramatic but my daughter is VERY particular about who she lets hold her, touch her or even talk to her. It was really hard for my husband's parents to understand this because it took her almost a year to even warm up to them. Nowadays, she can be left with them for an afternoon (she's 1-year-old) but only if her older brother is around with her and as soon as Mama or Dadda walk in the door she refuses to go near them and only wants to be held by us. Some children really do need a lot of time to warm up to people they see as strangers--even if those people are relatives. That's just how it is. You have to respect the child as an individual and try not to get your feelings too hurt over it.
    nicolejoy and carang like this.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  3. #3
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    nicolejoy is offline Registered User
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    I was going to reply but Thanka said everything I was going to say!!

    Yes, poor Grandma - but honestly forcing the issue with your baby is going to make the anxiety WORSE not better. Grandma should be respectful of that and not put pressure on you because of that. Grandma could also play with the baby when the baby feels safe - maybe when he is sitting on your knee or something. In time, your little one will grow out of it - but putting pressure on the baby (or on you) to make things change NOW is only going to make it worse, not better. Giving the little one some space to go to Grandma on HIS terms, when HE wants to will help... "This too shall pass"!!

  4. #4
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    carang is offline Registered User
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    while it hurts grandma, baby doesn't know that it is grandma. baby only knows that it is a stranger. even if it was only 5 months ago that baby last saw grandma, that is 1/2 baby's life!

    as the others have said, it will pass. baby will eventually warm up and even learn to recognise grandma.

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    Newbie_hk is offline Registered User
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    Having dealt with this same situation with both grandmas on each side, I've also noted that sometimes relatives expect an instant bond just because they are related. Since they don't get to see my kids often, they get overly excited, pick up the baby, **** & cuddle without realising that the baby also needs to warm up first before getting cozy in the arms of grandma.

    Perhaps go with small & frequent doses. When you feed the baby, let her do the last spoons. Bring in your baby's favourite toy & let baby & grandma play. If grandma is up to it, let her help with diaper change or bath. When my baby was a bit bigger, I also created a scrapbook with big pictures of both sets of grandparents to keep their presence so to speak.

    Good luck. I hope grandma discovers the joys of having a grandchild.

  6. #6
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    carang is offline Registered User
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    i love the fact that my mum is well aware that she is not an everyday part of my kids' lives. she always takes her time getting to know the kids again and does stuff on THEIR schedule rather than her own. she waits for the kids to approach her, ask for her help, ask her to play, asks her to read a story etc. it makes it so much less stressful and less hurtful.
    thanka2 likes this.

  7. #7
    Newbie_hk is offline Registered User
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    My MIL has ten grandchildren, all of whom she sees on a regular basis so she is an expert in gauging when to engage with a baby & when to step back.

    My mom on the other hand has 4, all of whom are overseas & she only gets to see 3 -4 times a year at best or once every 4 years at worst. She was a bit awkward with babies & like the OPs mom, was initially upset when my baby didn't warm up to her. Like parenting, grandparents need to ease into their roles. Some are natural & some aren't.

  8. #8
    PNatik is offline Registered User
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    Many thanks to all your replies. Baby is better now, he let grandma play with him and no cry, only doesn't like her to carry him, but it's ok. I think later he let her as well. My mum is very close to kids, she talk to them by Skype every day. Of course it's not the same, as to see them, but she knows everything about their life.Baby was sick when she arrived, so this time he was very sensitive. But grandma really want to help me, because other kids also sick one by one. Of course she was not happy that baby doesn't want her. In our culture grandma is really part of kid's life. She always close and help, that's why my mum was upset. I just ask her don't force her grandson and slowly he started to accept her. Hope it would be better letter. so

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