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Safe to leave with helper?

  1. #9
    JoyousBaby is offline Registered User
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    Carang don't get me wrong, I just want to let my hubby know is a no no to many parents around that leaving a baby with a helper is a silly idea. He wants me to accompany him to dinners too with his other associates when in NYC so won't be nice to bring baby along for business.
    Though Miami will be nice with my baby and will do it sometime later.

  2. #10
    howardcoombs is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoyousBaby View Post
    ...I just want to let my hubby know is a no no to many parents around that leaving a baby with a helper is a silly idea....
    Thats the wrong message. There is nothing wrong nor silly about leaving a baby with a helper or a relative.
    It all depends on your trust and comfort level.
    *you* dont feel comfortable, and thats fine; that does not make the idea silly...

    HC
    miran and Sage like this.

  3. #11
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    i have no problem leaving my kids with helper for a night, maybe even 2 or 3. personally, i draw the line at any more than that. what would happen if there was a medical emergency? it is possible. accidents happen. just last week my son broke two bones in his foot and spent 3 nights in hospital... so things like that can happen.

    if your hubby wants you to accompany him to business dinners in NYC, then you would have to hire a babysitter or take your helper with you...

  4. #12
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by carang View Post
    as for not travelling with hubby for a year... guess what? you have a baby now! things change.
    Amen to that! LOL. I think men see it differently but I would hope that mothers would be so bonded with their baby that they wouldn't consider going to another country without them unless it was an emergency situation. If you want to accompany your husband to the States, best to bring baby along--especially considering issues such as feelings of abandonment that may come up if you take off and leave your little one for an extended period of time. Children are super sensitive and something like that could likely affect him/her for the rest of his/her life.

    My husband and I haven't traveled alone together for three years--the last time was for 3-4 days when we went to China to celebrate an anniversary. The only difference is that we left my toddler-aged son with my mother and my husband's parents and even then that was a huge trip for us.

    Personally, I would never leave my baby with a person who is not related to me who I've only known for two months in order to go to another country for a holiday. The thought is kind of disturbing to me actually.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  5. #13
    lesliefu is offline Registered User
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    Its a personal decision really but I think you've answered the question yourself! You have doubts and so go with your gut feeling and Don't go OR bring the baby and find someone to babysit whilst you go out with your hubby. Unfortunately things will change with a baby and both you and your husband will have to slowly come to terms with it. You can't be both super mom and super wife....when your support system is not sound....something's got to give, and it appears you believe so too, but want to give in to your husbands requests.

    Personally it would be too hard to leave such a young babay for so long and be so far away....it's just the possibility of
    having to deal with a sick child from far far away that is worrying. How to medicate? Which doctor to see? Etc. I would bring baby, but that is only because I have family in NYC...good support system.

  6. #14
    howardcoombs is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by thanka2 View Post
    ....especially considering issues such as feelings of abandonment that may come up if you take off and leave your little one for an extended period of time. Children are super sensitive and something like that could likely affect him/her for the rest of his/her life...
    This is a new one I had not heard of before. Would you happen to have any links to credible web based articles I could read on this topic?

  7. #15
    mummymoo is offline Registered User
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    howardcoombs, I think from reading your previous post you seem to have a greater risk appetite than most mothers I know and on some level I think it is okay e.g encouraging children to be more independent with travel ect but I do think that leaving a 6 monther with a helper who has only been with the household 2 months a thoroughly silly idea. Infants of that age are EXHAUSTING, and despite the fact that I am the bub's mother and am appropriately motivated to go above and beyond the call of duty (and believe me there were days I wanted to run for the hills - I was so exhausted), I'm not sure that can be expected of my helper or any employee for that matter, particularly a new one.
    Leaving bubs for the evening while you're out to dinner or the day whilst you are at work ect -sure, but for 1-2 weeks with no break for the helper and no back up support plans - I think you must have forgotten how demanding infants are at 6 months!!!

  8. #16
    Obiwan is offline Registered User
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    It really depends on how good your helper is and how much you trust her (will you continue to be on edge throughout your trip)? It sounds like she is too new and you have yet to be confident of her ability to manage your baby without you for a week. In this case, either postpone the trip, plan a shorter trip or bring the baby along. We have done 6 long and short haul family trips within the first year of my first baby, and they all worked out fine. Just took our 2.5 and 8 months to Paris, still battling jet lag but it isn't bad. They had an awesome time. And I am glad we went. It's always easier to stay at home but children learn through new experiences as well :) just don't expect holiday as a couple to be the same as one with kids. Not for a few years at least.

    We have also been away leaving the kid with our helper. The first time was tougher as we weren't sure how she would fare, though she was nothing short of excellent with the kids and housework. We tried it out with a 2 day trip to Singapore and it was just fine. I will also suggest in these circumstances to ask your helper if she is confident managing alone and to leave her clear emergency contact detail.

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