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5 Weeks preggers and hubby not excited...

  1. #17
    FishMama is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by baby09 View Post
    same here. my husband never went to a prenatal class with me nor shopping for baby stuff. when she was born he refused to stay in the birthing room (he's scared of blood) Anyway when baby was born, he never fed, changed a diaper or bathed my baby and she is now 3yr old. He does not even know which milk powder she drank or even where it is! - It doesnt mean he is a bad father, just he thinks this is a woman's job - he keeps saying his responsibility is to bring in the money to pay for the milk powder! - fair enough - so really it depends on how involved you want him to be and how involved HE wants to be - which is 2 separate thing! Sometimes i really envy my friends with husbands who were at their beck and call when they were pregnant and who husbands were reading books and getting involved in the pregnancy - most of the time i was by myself.
    I am sorry to hear that, but sounds like you are dealing with it. I don't doubt my husband is a good man and I love him more than anything, just hope that if we get to that point we can make it. Good luck to you.

  2. #18
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    funny, i used to love my husband "more than anything"... then i had kids. while i still love my husband to bits, NOTHING compares to the love of a mother for her child/ren. i didn't realise that until i had kids.

  3. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by carang View Post
    funny, i used to love my husband "more than anything"... then i had kids. while i still love my husband to bits, NOTHING compares to the love of a mother for her child/ren. i didn't realise that until i had kids.
    Couldn't agree more!

  4. #20
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by elle View Post
    If he doesn't it is something you will need to deal with. My husband was completely disinterested in our child for at least 8 months after she was born. He took off on vacation for almost his entire 6 week paternity leave leaving me home with a newborn. It wasn't until she was really walking and talking a bit that he actually started to do anything with her and as she gets older and is able to communicate he seems to be spending a bit more time with her. But, he still has never given a bath, prepared or fed her a meal, put the baby to bed or changed a diaper.
    This makes me feel really sad. Sad for you. Sad for your child and sad for your husband. No one wins with that type of situation.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  5. #21
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    My situation was similar to dressuphk's. I was pregnant with my first child when I'd just turned 24-years-old. It's not really that young, I think. It's just that women are having children at older and older ages so the "new normal" is to get pregnant in your mid-30's (I guess) but biologically speaking a woman is most fertile before she's 28-years-old so at 24-years-old I had a university degree and some life experience--I'd been living on my own for 6 years without any support from my parents and taking care of myself. I'd traveled around the world by myself and lived by myself in a foreign country. I was married. I was a "grown up big girl."

    But...when I fell pregnant unexpectedly I was not happy about it. It was really hard to be pregnant because everyone else around me was so excited for me but I didn't feel free to be truthful about how I was really feeling. I was disappointed, frustrated and depressed. It wasn't how I envisioned my life going at that point.

    My husband was shocked when I told him the "good news" but he accepted it rather quickly and got on board with everything.

    But, I think it's understandable for one or both parents to not be really excited about pregnancy--especially in the initial weeks and months. It also depends on how a person processes things. My husband is an internal processor. He doesn't talk much when he's trying to deal with a problem. So, what might come off as simply "he's not excited" might also be a reflection of "he's scared/nervous/overwhelmed/troubled/stressed etc" by the pregnancy. And some men have trouble being open about those feelings as they have grown up believing they represent "weakness." And those are legitimate feelings. It's okay to feel those things.

    But, I have to say for me my husband's involvement in everything to do with OUR children (and YES, they are ours--it is not my job "as a woman" to raise that child alone that he genetically contributed to--it's a 50/50 thing) including pregnancy, birth, post-partum and raising them would be a DEFINITE deal-breaker for me.

    My father's parents were from "the old country" (immigrants from Southern Europe) and my grandfather also believed "it's a woman's job." So, my father was instilled with that belief system from a young age. He brought that into the marriage with my mom and he really did let her do everything when it came to my siblings and I. I can say from experience that that is a miserable life to live in. Unless the woman buys into the "it's a woman's job" and really agrees with that philosophy it's just a recipe for resentment. It also teaches children that that is how a household is run--children learn what they live.

    So, you're still in the early stages. I would give it time. But, whether he likes it or not,the responsible thing is to get on board. That's what being a "grown up big boy" is about. It's one thing to have certain feelings but it's another thing to check out of parenting (to be a "present-absent father"--a man who is there but isn't involved).

    If my husband didn't pull his weight the way he does (and he really does pull equal weight with me) that would be grounds for separation and if no change happened--then divorce. But, that comes from the home-life I lived growing up and my refusal to be in a marriage where the husband shirks responsibility. Definite deal breaker for me.
    carang likes this.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  6. #22
    FishMama is offline Registered User
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    Well he seams to be coming around, he's giving it a nickname (mainly because it's a name that I don't like - so he's teasing me). But he's asking questions now and making sure that I'm okay.
    Editor likes this.

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