- 04-26-2012, 06:33 PM #17Registered User
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- 04-26-2012, 06:34 PM #18
funny, i used to love my husband "more than anything"... then i had kids. while i still love my husband to bits, NOTHING compares to the love of a mother for her child/ren. i didn't realise that until i had kids.
- 04-27-2012, 02:34 PM #19
- 04-27-2012, 03:25 PM #20Registered User
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“Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”
~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)
Mother of Two
JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK
- 04-27-2012, 03:41 PM #21Registered User
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My situation was similar to dressuphk's. I was pregnant with my first child when I'd just turned 24-years-old. It's not really that young, I think. It's just that women are having children at older and older ages so the "new normal" is to get pregnant in your mid-30's (I guess) but biologically speaking a woman is most fertile before she's 28-years-old so at 24-years-old I had a university degree and some life experience--I'd been living on my own for 6 years without any support from my parents and taking care of myself. I'd traveled around the world by myself and lived by myself in a foreign country. I was married. I was a "grown up big girl."
But...when I fell pregnant unexpectedly I was not happy about it. It was really hard to be pregnant because everyone else around me was so excited for me but I didn't feel free to be truthful about how I was really feeling. I was disappointed, frustrated and depressed. It wasn't how I envisioned my life going at that point.
My husband was shocked when I told him the "good news" but he accepted it rather quickly and got on board with everything.
But, I think it's understandable for one or both parents to not be really excited about pregnancy--especially in the initial weeks and months. It also depends on how a person processes things. My husband is an internal processor. He doesn't talk much when he's trying to deal with a problem. So, what might come off as simply "he's not excited" might also be a reflection of "he's scared/nervous/overwhelmed/troubled/stressed etc" by the pregnancy. And some men have trouble being open about those feelings as they have grown up believing they represent "weakness." And those are legitimate feelings. It's okay to feel those things.
But, I have to say for me my husband's involvement in everything to do with OUR children (and YES, they are ours--it is not my job "as a woman" to raise that child alone that he genetically contributed to--it's a 50/50 thing) including pregnancy, birth, post-partum and raising them would be a DEFINITE deal-breaker for me.
My father's parents were from "the old country" (immigrants from Southern Europe) and my grandfather also believed "it's a woman's job." So, my father was instilled with that belief system from a young age. He brought that into the marriage with my mom and he really did let her do everything when it came to my siblings and I. I can say from experience that that is a miserable life to live in. Unless the woman buys into the "it's a woman's job" and really agrees with that philosophy it's just a recipe for resentment. It also teaches children that that is how a household is run--children learn what they live.
So, you're still in the early stages. I would give it time. But, whether he likes it or not,the responsible thing is to get on board. That's what being a "grown up big boy" is about. It's one thing to have certain feelings but it's another thing to check out of parenting (to be a "present-absent father"--a man who is there but isn't involved).
If my husband didn't pull his weight the way he does (and he really does pull equal weight with me) that would be grounds for separation and if no change happened--then divorce. But, that comes from the home-life I lived growing up and my refusal to be in a marriage where the husband shirks responsibility. Definite deal breaker for me.“Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”
~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)
Mother of Two
JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK
- 05-02-2012, 01:36 PM #22Registered User
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Well he seams to be coming around, he's giving it a nickname (mainly because it's a name that I don't like - so he's teasing me). But he's asking questions now and making sure that I'm okay.
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