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When can a kid go to bathroom himself?

  1. #9
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    howard, while i agree with many of your sentiments, they way you express them is not acceptable in the functioning of this forum. this is not geoexpat, where people get off posting condescending and combative comments.

    this forum, is usually a calm, supportive place for parents & mothers in particular to post.

    in this instance:

    no one believes that there is a child molester lurking around every corner, but to deny that they exist is plain foolish, in my opinion. i was physically molested as a young child by a male babysitter (he came to our church and was in the choir... how was my mum to know?) and also accosted at a playground when a young child when i was playing on the monkey bars with my younger brother.

    thankfully, my mother had taught me well how to get away from the latter. sadly, that didn't work for the former.

    what mothers are concerned about are the 'what-ifs?' i think EVERY mother shares the same concerns and to diminish them by saying "where did the molester come from?" and that we are inventing the possible scenarios... YES, we ARE inventing the possible scenarios! just the same as when you tell young kids not to play at the top of the stairs, they might fall down.... just the same as when you require your child to wear a helmet when riding a bike... just like when you tell your kid to eat slower or to take smaller bites, so they don't choke!

    that's part of being a parent... foreseeing where problems MAY arise and then trying to teach your child how to deal with them...

    dealing with my own kids: depends on the public toilets in question. at one of our favourite restaurants, they go on their own. at the airport, i usually take them both in with me... but that's because i'm more concerned with leaving one outside while i take the other one in.

    my 7 year old son goes more often by himself. my 5 year old daughter goes by herself sometimes... depends on the situation.

  2. #10
    howardcoombs is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by carang View Post
    howard, while i agree with many of your sentiments, they way you express them is not acceptable in the functioning of this forum. this is not geoexpat, where people get off posting condescending and combative comments.
    this forum, is usually a calm, supportive place for parents & mothers in particular to post.
    I'm well aware of where I'm writing and I'm sure you'll agree that my writing here is a lot more subdued than there. Having said that, I'm not about to sugarcoat my opinions in case it ruffles a few feathers.

    in this instance:
    no one believes that there is a child molester lurking around every corner, but to deny that they exist is plain foolish, in my opinion.
    I don't deny molesters are around and as I've pointed out(this is proven by statistics), the chances of getting molested are a lot higher at home than in a public bathroom. Unfortunately there are plenty of people that think of that possibility first as has been demonstrated in this thread by a couple of people. The danger, especially in an open forum, is that such thoughts feed upon themselves and cause needless worry and fear to be spread around.

    This gets demonstrated on a regular basis; most recently with the mainlander kidnapping nonsense that was going around.

    what mothers are concerned about are the 'what-ifs?' i think EVERY mother shares the same concerns and to diminish them by saying "where did the molester come from?" and that we are inventing the possible scenarios... YES, we ARE inventing the possible scenarios! just the same as when you tell young kids not to play at the top of the stairs, they might fall down.... just the same as when you require your child to wear a helmet when riding a bike... just like when you tell your kid to eat slower or to take smaller bites, so they don't choke!
    Fathers have similar if not the same concerns; we should still take the time to evaluate possibilities and dangers rationally before letting them affect our daily lives.

    Different scenarios have different levels of likelihood; this can be shown scientifically and also with common sense.
    When I happen to encounter parents that have taken their inventiveness to irrational levels, I cannot help but to bring them down to earth with some logic and common sense.

  3. #11
    Biggie is offline Registered User
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    i just want to know that there are other moms who take their older boys in the ladies room. I recently saw one of the rules (I guess no one but me read them) of locker room of a club is that kids over 4 Yr has to go to their own gender locker room, which started me thinking.
    I don't think my boy can go to the men's room, shower and change all by himself! but then again, I don't think anyone would complain if I bring him to ladies room

  4. #12
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    4 years old? that's ridiculous. most 4 year olds can't be left in a locker room without supervision! i know i wouldn't let my kids at the age of 4 go to the locker room on their own.

  5. #13
    Honkyblues is offline Registered User
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    I swear to god, if my 6-year-old was in a public bathroom with Howard Coombs, I hope he would scream blue murder, kick him in the shins and run out, yelling: "There's a pompous old guy in the bathroom, quoting everyone's words back at them, mostly out of context! And even though he's boring everyone to death, he's in his own little world of smugness and thinks he's right all the bloody time!"

    I would say, "You did the right thing, son. But next time aim higher."
    missprincepessa likes this.

  6. #14
    howardcoombs is offline Registered User
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    Good to know you have some interesting aspirations but I would hope that he would be a bit more sensible and logical as running in public bathrooms, which usually have wet floors, is never a good idea..

    Kicking pompous big guys can also have negative consequences but usually they wont touch a 6 year old; I'd be more worried about running on wet floors than anything else

  7. #15
    evgreen is offline Registered User
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    I don't know why, I just found this whole thread really humorous.

    Teaching your child to scream loudly "I DON'T KNOW THIS PERSON!!!" in public when inappropriately touched or grabbed by strangers is a good lesson to teach. My mother taught me this at a very young age. I suppose when you feel confident that your child can carry this out, I'd feel comfortable about letting them go the bathroom in public alone. Maybe that's just me.
    carang, thanka2 and slamdunk like this.

  8. #16
    charade is offline Registered User
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    Just thinking aloud but maybe the reason public bathrooms might be of more concern with regard to molestation than other places is because it is a place where it is appropriate to engage with one's private parts, there might be older men helping young boys in the process and for a kid alone, there might be a lot of grey areas which might be difficult to understand. For example, if an older person offers to help a kid with his zip, and there are others doing the same, a kid who is not used to refusing adults might think it's okay. While in a park it would be very obviously inappropriate even to a kid.

    So while the likelihood of this happening is less in Hong Kong in general, a bathroom by virtue of being a bathroom might make it more likely than say a park. I am aware that statistically both are less likely than one's own home.
    carang and thanka2 like this.

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