- 06-14-2012, 12:29 AM #9Registered User
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Hong Kong
I think it also depends on how much help you're getting. If you have two helpers, with one dedicated to the baby, then that gives you more room to be relaxed. You can afford to have someone doing lots of rocking, patting, etc.
If you're like me -- a working mom without a live-in helper and a husband who doesn't do naps or night wakings -- then you're under more pressure to get the child sleep trained. Since you can't humanly do it all yourself if the baby is not self-settling after a few months.
- 06-14-2012, 02:19 AM #10
gracey, i have an honest question for you.
how & why do you put up with a husband who doesn't do those things? doesn't it take two to make a baby?
i'm not being nasty...i am truly curious. personally, i could never tolerate a husband with that attitude. raising a child, while it can be done by one person, is far easier if you have someone to share that load with. and that someone, unless absolutely necessary, should be a parent. (my thinking anyway).
please don't take offence to my question. it is not meant in an insulting way to your or your husband. i am blessed to have a husband who considers his kids to be his #1 priority...i'm a close #2! ;)
- 06-14-2012, 11:25 AM #11
At some point, I did do some training (before I went back to work) following the pick up/put down method so he could sleep by himself at night (or at least, stay in his cot without crying)... But I don't know if the training really worked... probably did, or probably he just got into the idea of staying in bed after his night feed.
I am also a working mom. I do have a live-in helper, but I never ask her to do night shift. My husband doesn't do naps or night wakings either. I probably preferred to do it myself as feel my boy is much closer to me.
For night waking, I didn't find it too hard cause I have never been a great sleeper myself, so I am use to getting up several times at night. And as we are co sleeping, it is easy for me to pick up my baby, put him on my breasts for his midnight feed, and then back to sleep on his cot. As he got older, it got easier as well, as he would eat faster and go back to sleep faster as well.
- 06-14-2012, 03:11 PM #12Registered User
- Join Date
- Feb 2011
- Tai Tam
My husband doesn't do naps or night wakings either. I have live-in help and prefer not to let her work night shifts as I want her to be alert and rested for the day. Like Gataloca, I prefer to do the night wakings because I like feeling close to baby. My husband works 12-hour days, so he needs his rest!
- 06-14-2012, 04:24 PM #13
I can understand a SAHM taking care of naps & night wakings, but if both parents work outside, it just seems unfair for the dad to opt out in such a way.
Like i said, i wouldnt tolerate it
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- 06-14-2012, 06:33 PM #14Registered User
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Hong Kong
I know it's ironic, but sometimes it's just easier to do it yourself. Although I work part time so it's not too bad.
Mums have the instinct as to what the problem is, what the cries are like, what works for soothing. I'm not saying dads do not do a good job, but sometimes they don't quite have the "it" factor, and more often than not, I will lie awake wondering why it's taking him so long to settle, why she screaming her head off etc. Then I think I might as well do it myself. My hubby does stay up to do the dream feed though, and he pretty much is totally hands on with our other toddler when he's home.
- 06-14-2012, 08:03 PM #15
sorry, my phone cut me off mid-posting....
i was not/am not being judgemental. i just find it astounding that men today can still get away with not helping out with the baby.
my husband's best friend, a local (like my hubby), was completely stand-offish towards his first born. he didn't do anything to help. my husband got really upset with his friend for this attitude and told him there was more to being a father than ejaculation! lol!
every day i thank my lucky stars to have such a supportive husband. because i know that if he weren't the way he is, he would no longer be my husband....
- 06-14-2012, 08:46 PM #16Registered User
- Join Date
- Feb 2008
I understand your feelings and questions carang. I feel the same way. My husband is very supportive, even though he works long hours (he's away from home for at least 13 hours and that was the same when our children were born; they're all in Primary now). We always took turns, also with our oldest, and later with twins, we had no choice. We didn't live in a country with full time live in helpers, etc. Care was very expensive, and even though we did spend money on it (well spent), there were plenty of nights we had to do it ourselves. Even though at that time I didn't work. I had 3 kids under the age of 3 to take care off curing a cold harsh winter (a real winter, not a Hong Kong winter)
I agree everybody does things differently, but honestly, with 3 kids by myself (my husband doesn't come home until 8/8.30 pm) I had to put them to bed. I didn't have time to rock children to sleep, to lay down with them for 30 minutes. I fed them, bathed them, read them a story, gave them a bottle, and in bed they went. And they did learn to fall asleep by themselves within days. They went (and go) to bed early, slept through the night from a very young age, basically every single night (and still do) and they go to bed when it's time to go to bed, which is early by HK standards. I wouldn't do it any other way, I couldn't back then, and I don't want it differently now. And I would still advice others to give it a try, because it will make a difference. Learning to fall and stay asleep is learned behavior. And one of the greatest gift you can give your child is sleep. Well rested children are soooooo much easier.
- By candyman in forum Baby TalkReplies: 5Last Post: 05-10-2012, 08:24 AM