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When to tell people...

  1. #17
    Sapphire40 is offline Registered User
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    Thanks! On the telling my mum front - she's not very maternal so we arent close, closer to my dad to be honest but they live abroad so I speak to them about once a month/once a fortnight. I suspect if we were in the same country they would know. I also have felt a bit disappointed by the lack of support from my family during the whole IVF process, another reason for not sharing the news yet. I used to train a lot and dont any more, so at least one person has already asked my husband if I am pregnant. I'm telling people I am just taking time to get back into it after a shoulder operation and 'have had a virus' recently (code for IVF). I'm going to go with the 'throwing sand in people's eyes' for now although some of my friends here who know about the IVF will guess when I see them and they start asking how I am (although luckily many are away for 2-3 weeks). I also just have to accept that I'm going to get noticeably bigger so people at work might guess as well. Thanks for the advice and support!

  2. #18
    Honkyblues is offline Registered User
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    If you're out socially and trying to "throw sand", then always eagerly accept alcohol. Even ask for it! (No one is ever fooled by the "I'm on antibiotics" excuse!). Take a sip (or pretend sip) or two, say, "Mmmm, this is a great wine/beer/cocktail," then put it down as close to your husband's glass as possible and let him finish it off when no one's looking. Or if you're in a crowded bar, then just 'lose' it somewhere and pretend you drank it.

  3. #19
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    nicolejoy is offline Registered User
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    First of all, congratulations!

    Secondly - this is such a personal issue that there's no "right" or "wrong", but I just thought I'd share my experience...

    I've had three pregnancies - the first, it took a year to conceive and then just when I started looking into fertility doctors etc, I fell pregnant naturally. I told everyone as soon as I knew and was happy doing so. I had a healthy, non-eventful pregnancy and a healthy baby girl at the end of it.

    The second pregnancy, like the first, I told everyone right away and literally days later (less than a week) suffered a miscarriage. In theory, I liked that people were understanding and supportive - although I did feel a bit foolish having to "take back" my news right away.

    The third pregnancy was just a few months after my miscarriage, and due to that, I decided to wait until 13 weeks this time. I announced my pregnancy right at 13 weeks, and again just a week later, we found out that we had complications in the pregnancy. At the time, it was very scary - we weren't sure what the outcome would be. In this pregnancy, I wished that I had told everyone sooner so that we could have celebrated the pregnancy before complications arose. My 2nd daughter was born with a rare form of dwarfism and is currently a very healthy nearly 2 year old - although during the pregnancy, we weren't sure if she'd survive.

    When it's all said and done, while most miscarriages do happen in the first 13 weeks, there are always risks and after my experiences, I think I'd still want to tell everyone early rather than later. That way, they can be with you for the journey and all the ups and downs that are on the way. Just my experience :)

  4. #20
    Sapphire40 is offline Registered User
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    Thanks Honkyblues and Nicolejoy,

    I told my husband about the drinking strategy, and he looked alarmed and said "But then I'm drinking more than double' :-) not sure what that says about my wine consumption but I thought it was a pretty good strategy! Will definitely try it.

    I'm now almost 6 weeks, we had a scan this morning and turns out I am carrying twins so the reality is I will get bigger more quickly, and be able to do less. I was excited when I found out this morning and did find myself actually wanting to tell people so i am going to talk it through with my hubby. His boss already knows anyway as he had to explain the last minute date change for the appointment. My hubby has also noticed that I am not making an effort to see people or keep in touch as much as I used to as I want to avoid the questions but it does mean I am isolating myself somewhat.

    There is the element of telling everyone and then things going wrong, fingers crossed but as you've pointed out, Nicole, there are risks regardless. I might wait until 9 weeks, when most of my friends are back from hols and I'll be seeing more of them so it will be hard to avoid, as they know about the IVF (already had one email asking how its going this morning) which sometimes makes me feel like a circus act - everyone is watching to see what happens next.

    Thanks for all the advice.

  5. #21
    charade is offline Registered User
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    Congrats on twins! I always feel doubly excited when I hear about twins.

    If you tell people sooner rather than later, you could also tell them that it's early days yet and you've been through IVF cycles etc to get here, please keep their fingers crossed for you that all goes well. I think that will help them deal sensitively with the news.

  6. #22
    Sapphire40 is offline Registered User
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    Thanks :-)

  7. #23
    banane76 is offline Registered User
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    Our doctor suggested waiting til 13-15 weeks after the "down's" test. But it's really up to you. I told my very close friends pretty early on, and then waited a little longer for others. During my first pregnancy I was really sick so I told my employer since my job was quite physical so sometimes needed a break

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