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in despair. . . .

  1. #1
    baby-ethan is offline Registered User
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    Kowloon
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    in despair. . . .

    This isn't about complaining how bad my helper is, but I want to share what's happening right now and get some advice on how to handle the situation.

    I have an Indonesian helper for 2 months, I have been teaching her how to do all the chores, cooking, taking care of baby etc. But until now, she's still not doing things well or doesn't do what I ask her to.. bottom line is she refuses to listen/follow instructions. I tried many things like asking her to write down what I said so she won't forget, or letting her do some things in her own way rather than having to follow exactly how I'd do it but anyway things are still not clean, house is messy, she can't take care of baby etc. I have talked to her about it and she says she will listen, she will change, she will learn, but she doesn't. Things have gotten quite bad lately as we just moved house and she wasn't able to help with any of the packing / unpacking and I just don't have the time nor patience to continue teaching her all the basic chores she should have gotten the hang of by now. I must admit, I've been scolding her quite a lot in the past week.

    Now, a few days ago something happened which has made me really stop and think. Cut the long story short, she kicked my baby on purpose (pretended she didn't see him) - am I sure it was on purpose? Yes, I watched it happen. She apologised many times, insisted she didn't see him (she was carrying something big so blocked her view). My husband and I discussed it and it's definitely on purpose.

    Based on the way she's still not good with basic chores, not able to take care of baby, doesn't follow instructions/doesn't do specific tasks I ask her to etc, and more importantly, her refusing to learn and improve, and me having tried again and again to help her do better, I really don't want to waste any more time teaching her without results, as I imagine 6 months down the line I'd still have the same problems so want to just let her go. On top of this, with that incident, I'm even more tempted to let her go immediately.

    On the other hand, I do need her here as I can't do everything by myself, at least she can help to mop the floor and clean the bathrooms and kitchen, wash the dishes and things of that nature. Quite often my husband is on business trip so at least I have someone in the house to keep an eye on baby if I'm in the kitchen or in the bath etc. So perhaps I'll just let things be, she can do things her own way, I'll tidy up after her if I'm not satisfied without scolding her etc. Arguing my own point, with that particular incident I'm now afraid of having her alone with baby in case even though I don't scold her, she is angry at me about something I'm not even aware of. And do I trust her not to do something such as putting tap water in the water bottle for baby rather than boiled water.

    Should I keep her, if I do, what should my attitude be (eg try to teach her; don't bother teaching her anymore just lower my standards? ; for things I can't accept lower standards, I do by myself??); hire someone new but how can i be sure she'll be good?
    I'm very frustrated (and think I'm becoming paranoid the more I think about it!!), I'm open to any advice/suggestions/criticisms. Knock some sense into me please!

  2. #2
    keninhk is offline Registered User
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    Dec 2011
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    Fire her now. Noone should endanger your child and get away with it. Watch her pack, have a trusted friend or husband incase things turned ugly. Pay the dues necessary (severance and airticket equivalent) have her confirm reciept in writing.

    Good luck, and hope things take a turned for the better. Noone has the right to make you feel unsafe in your own home, it's not right.

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using GeoClicks Mobile

  3. #3
    chrcheu is offline Registered User
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    Agree, just let her go!

  4. #4
    peachylin is offline Registered User
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    Agree with keninhk.

    You should not put up with her and feel like you're at her mercy because you need her at home. As I read, she is not much help to you anyway. Let her go and find a new one quickly. I know it's stressful going through the process of hiring a new helper but with how things are with your present one, you need to get her packing. There are a lot of good helpers out there. And try to hire someone who's employer is leaving (with outstanding recommendations, of course) so the helper doesn't need to exit HK and have a lengthy visa processing.

    Best of luck!

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using GeoClicks Mobile

  5. #5
    EarlyYears is offline Registered User
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    I've been through a similar situation and regret not firing our DH earlier and put a lot of blame on myself.

    Do not endanger your baby and fire her before she does something worse.

  6. #6
    Newbie_hk is offline Registered User
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    Let her go for your peace of mind.
    Posted via Mobile Device

  7. #7
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    She kicked your baby on purpose and she is still in the house! I cannot believe you even have a question about this! Astonishing!

    Sent from my GT-I8150 using GeoClicks Mobile
    z754103 likes this.

  8. #8
    baby-ethan is offline Registered User
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    Thanks for all the replies & support
    Carang, she didn't hurt him, actually quite lightly kicked him with the tip of her slippers. --- but thanks for being so blunt! I think I was trying to convince myself she's not evil...
    Sincerely thankful for everyone's comments, made me see the situation much more clearly!
    :) thx peachylin I did need the advice about finding new helper too!
    Posted via Mobile Device

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