Forums  •  Classifieds  •  Events  •  Directory

 
Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Like Tree40Likes

Helper now what to do :-(

  1. #17
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    HK
    Posts
    1,623
    The thing is in life....you can't micromanage people and expect it to go well. You can't eliminate uncertainty. You can't control others' choices. You can't predict the future.

    So, nothing we say is going to "put your mind at ease." It is likely your helper is going to switch to "greener pastures" as soon as she can. And as an employer, you're not giving her any incentive to stay with you by not giving her the legal amount of leave that she's due. In fact, if she does part ways with you she could very well be taking you to court. If she's smart, that's probably what she should do.

    In the meantime, yes, hiring a new helper isn't convenient and it's not easy. That's life. There are many women (and men) here on this forum who can tell you their stories of seeking out a helper that is a suitable employee for their family. That's the "nature of the beast"--most people have to go through the same thing.

    If you want to do something pre-emptive, there is nothing keeping you from firing her and looking for another helper. I don't think that's a very ethical thing to do but people do it all the time. Basically, it's all your choice and no one is going to tell you for certain what to do or what you should do--except, start following the law and allow your helper 24 hours off (out of your home) if she asks for it.
    carang, lesliefu and Gracey like this.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  2. #18
    mummymoo is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Hong Kong
    Posts
    316
    To chime in to what others have posted, you really do need to give her her basic 24 hours off. That is mandated by law and you can't just exempt yourself as you have a greater need. In truth, the 24 hours off is already pretty mean (its the law and the MINIMUM you should give your helper off), but I do think if possible families should give their helpers more down time/personal time as a well rested and balanced staff makes a better one.

    Put yourself in her shoes (and the truth of the matter is that it is only by the grace of God that you aren't the helper and she the employer), would you be happy if your employer cropped your already meager time off?

    I also want to say that I hear this ALL the TIME. Almost every person I know thinks they are a fabulous and if not at least a fair employer, but I have said this before, the proof is in the pudding, if you have a high turnover of staff, chances are, it may not be the helpers themselves but you and your job. I have never met any person who readily admits they are a completely nasty boss even though in my assessment, the job they have on the table sounds like a nightmare. I have met people who have given their helpers days old sashimi and sushi and patted themselves on the back at their own generosity at giving the helper something they could never really afford(I am not saying this about you at all, it is an example only). Just something to think about.

    Finally, I agree with Carang and think asking her honestly is the best policy. Then make some contingency plans. I find that when helpers have been treated with genuine kindness and fairness (objectively), then they will try to be accommodating to you and your family and not leave you in the lurch. However if she feels you don't have her best interests at heart and may do something that is not in her interests (i..e fire her straight up) then she's likely to do something that will at the very least severely inconvenience you.

    I find that being sincerely happy for your helpers, sharing in the their joys, being fair to them and genuinely having a good relationship with them is the best ward against staff leaving you suddenly. Just like with my boss, if I genuinely believe he/she cares about me then I wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardise their livelihood but if I thought my employer was just keeping score and doing less than the minimum due to me than I would reciprocate. We are not all different really at the end of the day.

  3. #19
    rs2000 is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Hong Kong
    Posts
    184
    all, thanks for your inputs....

    firstly, she has not asked for the 24 hours off and its not deal-breaker honestly. What I was more worried about is that she having her own plans even before we sponsored her to come over. I still have a feeling she is not going to last long with us (just my gut feeling).

    I am NOT going to stop her or spoil her plans or personal life. Just that it puts me into the situation of having to meet helpers again and then chosing someone and then hoping the next is atleast as workable as the current one.

    anyways, i hope things work out for both of us.........

  4. #20
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Sai Kung
    Posts
    6,259
    she DOESN'T NEED TO ASK FOR 24 HOURS OFF! it is her RIGHT and your RESPONSIBILITY as her employer!

    aiya! i really don't understand why you cannot see that what you are doing is illegal, unethical, morally wrong and detrimental to the health and welfare of your employee. do you mean to tell me that you, a mother of 2 children, cannot manage your own kids for a 24 hour period? what special circumstances do you have exactly? if this is truly the case, there is an easy solution. hire two helpers, giving each one a different day off. as i said, i am a mother of 2 and i run 3 different businesses. i went back to work 7 weeks after giving birth. i had 2 very hard pregnancies where i was hospitalised 13 times..... yet we still managed to give our helper 24 hours off/week. what makes you special/different?

    i try to offer honest advice. but this point is really upsetting me.... i can't wrap my head around it.

    as for her having her own plans? she's entitled to that. almost everyone has plans for the future and i can guarantee you that not every employee out there tells their potential employer exactly what those plans are.
    Last edited by carang; 09-10-2012 at 06:45 PM.
    Gracey likes this.

  5. #21
    lesliefu is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    South District
    Posts
    1,055
    just do what you are legally bound to and she will do so too - she has a contract, if she wants to leave she must give you notice. everyone has their own plans to better their own life - whats the problem with that? are helpers any different? my helper's husband is also working in HK - they see each other once a week...and yes, sometimes she gets distracted - she's on the phone with him discussing issues (don't know what cause they speak in tagalog). i give her the "look" and she hangs up - no phone calls when looking after my 3 kids period. she's not about to quit on me - she has kids in college. if she were to quit, i'd just deal with it - that's life. don't predict the unknown and don't always think the negative of others - give them the benefit of the doubt...if they leave, so be it, you will cope - deal with it. everyone wants something better for themselves and their family. who wouldn't?
    carang and thanka2 like this.

  6. #22
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    HK
    Posts
    1,623
    Quote Originally Posted by rs2000 View Post
    all, thanks for your inputs....

    firstly, she has not asked for the 24 hours off and its not deal-breaker honestly. What I was more worried about is that she having her own plans even before we sponsored her to come over. I still have a feeling she is not going to last long with us (just my gut feeling).

    I am NOT going to stop her or spoil her plans or personal life. Just that it puts me into the situation of having to meet helpers again and then chosing someone and then hoping the next is atleast as workable as the current one.

    anyways, i hope things work out for both of us.........
    rs2000, have you ever worked outside the home? Have you ever tried to establish a career? Have you ever tried to get a better job for better pay? If your experience in life has been a stay-at-home mom and wife (and I'm certainly not discrediting you for doing that because it is a difficult job and important) then you may not be able to understand or empathize with your employee not giving you "full disclosure."

    I want to tell you a "secret." When I got hired at the job I currently have, I was 6 weeks pregnant. I knew I was pregnant when they hired me. Did I tell my employer I was pregnant? No! Why? Because, I KNEW that would have painted me in an unfavorable light to my potential employer and I really, really, really wanted the job I have now because it was important for me to have a good and higher-paying (than I used to have) job because I am earning all of the income for my family (my husband and two children as well as the partial care of two parents). A lot was "on the line" for me. After I was hired and had been working for a few months my employer was very pleased with my performance and it came the point where I had to tell her "Hey, I'm pregnant and I'm going to need to go on maternity leave next Spring." I had other reasons for not telling her about my situation which were personal to me--one of those reasons was I had lost a baby only a couple of months' earlier and wasn't comfortable even publicly talking about my pregnancy with anyone until I felt that miscarriage was a lesser risk. No, I didn't fully disclose my situation. I had my reasons.

    You'll find that most employees don't tell their employers everything. If you had known that she had a husband in Hong Kong you probably wouldn't have hired her, right? You would have rejected her outright because she "might leave you..." So, it makes sense your employee didn't tell you because she wanted that job. That job got her foot in the door. Now, at least she has an opportunity to prove to you that she's a good employee. If you had heard the words, "I have a husband" that would have painted her in a less attractive light from the beginning.

    Now, some employers would be understanding in this situation because they, themselves, have experienced what it's like to start from nothing and have to climb up the ladder. Being a domestic helper in Hong Kong is pretty much as low as you can get on the "occupational ladder" in Hong Kong. But, everyone needs to start somewhere. This may be very hard for you to really empathize with if you've never been in a similar situation.

    So, drop the issue about "But she didn't tell me..." You're walking around fretting about something that hasn't happened. Instead, why not focus on, "Hey, I have a domestic helper. She needs to be trained properly. I want to do my best to help her develop as an employee. I want to be generous. So, in the future if she decides to leave and go elsewhere for whatever reason we can leave on good terms (and she won't sabotage me) and maybe she'll take some good skills and good memories with her. I can always find another domestic helper and train her just as well because I'm a good employer." Your worries are really counter-productive. And I do hope that things work out best for the two of you. Generosity is always the way to go.
    elle, genkimom, carang and 1 others like this.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  7. #23
    Gracey is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Hong Kong
    Posts
    534
    "i know about the 24h rule and yes I cant let her do that. I have my own things and cant afford to do this."

    You are clearly breaking the law. I'm not sure why you "can't" let her have one full day off. You find a way -- you hire a nanny once a week, you get a night nurse every Saturday, whatever. That's what we do bc both hubby and I sometimes work weekend shifts.

    Or if you can't afford it, you do night duty yourself once a week like parents do all over the world. It's no excuse to mistreat people.

  8. #24
    rs2000 is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Hong Kong
    Posts
    184
    ok people, before you bash me more for this

    I am expecting and its too early right now. and thats why I did not mention it before. I thought it was not relevant

    and when I said I cant afford, its because I have a lot of nausea (bad one)
    We are paying her well above minimum and she has not asked for a night-out, I may give it to her (hoping I feel better in a few weeks)

    But again, this is not the point that I asked. Will givign a day off stop her for looking around or seeking part time emplyment? I dont think so
    I am pregnant and worried and I think I need to start looking for my backup options.......

Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Scroll to top