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I need a rant & advice

  1. #9
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aava.Wong View Post
    my son also started kindi last month and has been getting one sheet of homework twice a week. when i get home from work, i sit down with him and we go through the homework together and he has got used to this idea of having "us" time looking through his school bag, school books and do the homework. lately, he jumps to get his school bag as soon as i get home.

    if i were you, i'd allocate "us" time to do this after-school/work routine and not while he is engaged doing something else like eating his breakfast/playing with his toys/ watching telly/etc. :)
    YES! Children need help with keeping their attention on a project. Turn off the TV! We never, ever, ever do homework with the TV on in the house. We only have done homework at breakfast time this year--and that's because my son can handle it because he is older and self-managing. He can eat while he's doing something but actually that is only once in awhile. When child is starting out they need clear direction and NO distractions. It's kind of a simple concept but it is important.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  2. #10
    Aava.Wong is offline Registered User
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    i must add that my hubby is less patient with our kiddo and homework-time makes both of them frustrated so i do the homework with him. hubby gets involved with his other stuff but not homework. see if that helps :)

  3. #11
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    i agree with everything thanka has written... except one thing: primary school in hk local schools starts when they are 6 not 5. ESF starts at 5.

  4. #12
    lesliefu is offline Registered User
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    My daughter is also in K1 and staring the hwk thing. She is way proud of it...always feeling special she has homework and not her youger sister. Think the approach is to make it fun, "us" timeline some were saying....find the right time to get it down, when your kid is in the mood, in the right frame of mind so that there will be no resistance. For us, the time is either after breakfast, before the bus in the mornings or after her snack in the afternoons. Normally of there is no hwk. To do, I do try to make it a habit of doing some quiet work with my kids at this time (afternoon)... I do this with both the one in K1 as well as the one in PN (2yrs old). Helps to develop a sitting down work time.

  5. #13
    Gracey is offline Registered User
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    No, you are not too loose with your child. He's 3, for God's sake.
    Yes, your husband is over the top.
    And, no -- he should not have whispered something vaguely threatening like that while you were calming a hysterical child.
    Frankly, I think it was rather childish of your husband. It sounds like he's the one who can't control his emotions.

    When the child is not there, have a sit-down with your husband and determine which one of you will be the authority on these things, so the child is clear.

    My husband also loses his temper with our daughter, and she's only one. He doesn't mean it maliciously, he's just a hot-tempered guy without much experience with kids. Sometimes he's just expressing frustration in general -- "Oh no! There's water all over the bathroom floor! Stop splashing!" Or "God! It's 3 am! Damn! I'm exhausted!" He doesn't even mean it at her personally -- but she's a baby and doesn't know that distinction. She hears a raised male voice, and she gets scared.

    Later, when the baby was asleep and we were both calm, I gave him positive advice on how he could act better around the child. If he's going to lose his temper, I tell him to just remove himself to another room for a bit. I put this in a nice way -- how he can better improve his relationship with his daughter. I also tell him yelling is useless.

    Yelling won't make our daughter go back to sleep, and it will not make your son do his homework better.

  6. #14
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    carang is offline Registered User
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    Gracey, i think we all agree that hubby was a little OTT... but his intentions were good. They need to come to some sort of compromise, out of the earshot of the kids. Perhaps a local school is not the right fit for the family? International schools are not nearly as rigid with the homework as the local schools are, partly because it takes a long time to become literate in Chinese.

  7. #15
    matemate is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by thanka2 View Post
    -It's actually to late to say, "But, he's only 3-years-old, it's not fair to expect him to do actual homework"--once you start school in HK you're a students and students do homework--no matter what age they are. (...) The only viable option you have is to withdraw your son and let him be at home until he's in primary school.
    actually just to say, there are alternatives and alternative schools to what you describe above, but they do cost money

  8. #16
    OX Jess is offline Registered User
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    I agree that "It has to be a dictatorship, not a democracy when it comes to these things (doing homework)."

    Don't ever get me wrong, when I wrote my first message here I never meant I DON't want my child to do any homework. Just the opposite - I want him to have homework every day. Before he starts kindergarten I gave him 'homework' on daily basis (colouring, connecting dots, drawing lines, etc.) and I always manage to make it a 'fun' thing for him so most of times he enjoys doing these with me. Whenever he shows reluctance to do any more I just say, "ok, that's it. Let's do it again later/tomorrow." Then we move on to something else. So no, I don't complain about child having to do homework, not at all.

    What I was trying to say in the message is whether we should 'push' a 3-year-old that hard to do his colouring page when he is not really in the mood. Some of you must say, 'well, doing homework is not about if you are in the mood. You gotta do it." Yes, I know and I agree. But my point is: whether we should be so harsh to a 3-year-old. If he is already in K3, having spent 2 years kindergarten, I wouldn't expect he is allowed to say no to his homework. I think, one of the issue my husband has is lacking flexibility (not only on this particular issue but in general matters).

    So, the problem is finally sorted. When I came home this evening, the first thing I did was to take that colouring sheet out and told him it's time for homework. Then I sat down with him and did it together with him. As usual, I made it fun and made laugh. He enjoyed it. Then I took out another sheet of homework (drawings) given to him today and got it done as well. What if he was not in the mood for homework, I would put it aside and tell him, "ok, let's something else / let's get a sweet, then we come back again..." He has to say YES before I move on to another thing. Then I will try to lure him back to do his homework. This is how I would handle the homework thing with a 3-year-old. Yet for my husband, homework is homework, you gotta do it. It's completely wrong if a child refuses to do his homework. Very straight-minded, not flexible. I think, my approach with a 3-year-old is correct. I am not saying I will continue to be so 'soft' with my child forever, it is just a starting stage. When I help him develop a habit of sitting down for an hour to do his homework, I expect he will do them without much struggle and I expect it will happen, say, half a year later or when he starts on K2.

    As for the issue with my husband, disagreement is sorted out as well. We went home together and we had a brief chat on the bus. I told him I shouldn't have intervened when he was having words with his son, but I explained to him why I couldn't stand what he did. Then he said, he wants to deliver a message to our son that doing his homework is a serious issue. Then I said his intention is good but his approach is not acceptable on a 3-year-old who has just trying to adjust to his school life! No further discussion after that. Basically, we have previously agreed that I am in charge of the kids' homework, but now and again I understand he wants to get involved.

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