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How many of you have a fantastic helper?

  1. #9
    Aava.Wong is offline Registered User
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    i have too! she loves my son and my son loves her. she needs to be reminded to clean every now and then but i'm overall satisfied with her. our first priority is our son so she does the job fantastically well. good luck on finding the right one, deduja!
    deduja likes this.

  2. #10
    Gracey is offline Registered User
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    I have a fantastic helper -- loving to our daughter, reliable, trustworthy, endlessly cheerful and helpful.
    She's a godsend. As a working mom, I don't know what I'd do without her.

    But I also think it cuts both ways. She's a happy, productive worker because we don't work her like a slave. We don't expect her to shoulder all the childcare and housework herself, and we give her all her legally entitled time off, including all public holidays and FULL Sundays. (She leaves work at 10 pm Saturday and comes back 10 am Monday). We pay decently, and on time, and make sure that she has enough food and basic needs met. We were patient when she first started and made some mistakes -- she's learned now and is excellent.

    The people across the hall keep complaining about their terrible luck with helpers -- they've gone through FOUR, which must be a mess with two young children. But their helpers have told mine that they are not given enough food, are forced to work 7 days a week, and are monitored 24 hours a day by camera. No wonder they burn out, and become "bad" helpers who are careless, listless and in a bad mood. I don't think those helper start out "bad" -- they are turned bad by circumstance.

    Part of it is luck. But part of it is that you get the helper you deserve. Treat someone well, and they will treat you well back.
    genkimom likes this.

  3. #11
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    i used to think the same as gracey, until i had a hopeless helper. she started off ok, but never, ever was interested in the kids at all! i am a very generous employer, but she was really hopeless.

    our first helper was good and our current helper, so far has been fantastic!
    happiness likes this.

  4. #12
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by carang View Post
    i used to think the same as gracey, until i had a hopeless helper. she started off ok, but never, ever was interested in the kids at all! i am a very generous employer, but she was really hopeless.

    our first helper was good and our current helper, so far has been fantastic!
    Very true, Cara. Our first helper was just not cut out to be working in that type of job. We tried everything and at that time she had very little responsibility because my mom was living with us and taking care of our son and we only had one child at the time and I only worked part-time. But, she just never got with it. Have always given our helper her days off (and then some) as well as being generous with everything we have and really caring about her and her life. Our current helper is amazing but I have to say it isn't because of all those things--it's just because she really is a very able woman!
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  5. #13
    deduja is offline Registered User
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    My helper works only 8 hours a day. Saturdays she leaves at 1PM after making lunch. I allow her to have part time job in the afternoons because she wants more income even after we pay her a good salary. We let her leave her out because she wants to live out. We pay her housing. We are family of 3 with one big child, we dont let her work like a slave. But she is bad, can not clean can not cook, comes late to work, sometimes even would not come. I treated her like a friend at the beginning which was probably a mistake. Or it is just her.

  6. #14
    yonge is offline Registered User
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    Had a GREAT helper in my mind - cheerful, adored the children, honest, and hard-working. However, my parents who live with us had never had a helper in their lives before (just as my husband has never had to live without one) and always found fault with her. She stayed with us four years (and eight years before that with a friend), but finally left to reunite with her family. I haven't gotten another live-in helper since as my parents insist that getting one would "kill them". Since then, we've gone through three part-time helpers in 8 weeks, through no fault of our own. The first turned out to be an illegal FDW living outside her employer's residence, the second was never a cleaner before and found the job unsuitable to her personality and we're trying the third tomorrow.
    Posted via Mobile Device

  7. #15
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by deduja View Post
    My helper works only 8 hours a day. Saturdays she leaves at 1PM after making lunch. I allow her to have part time job in the afternoons because she wants more income even after we pay her a good salary. We let her leave her out because she wants to live out. We pay her housing. We are family of 3 with one big child, we dont let her work like a slave. But she is bad, can not clean can not cook, comes late to work, sometimes even would not come. I treated her like a friend at the beginning which was probably a mistake. Or it is just her.
    I'd say in your case, your helper's issue is that she is "entitled" and has very little respect for your authority. I think your leniency toward her has sent the message that no matter what she wants or does you'll be okay with it.

    If my understanding is correct it is illegal for helpers to "live-out" (although, not uncommon) as it is also illegal for them to have part-time secondary employment. Seems like the way you described your helper is like a teenager who says, "Mom, Dad, I want this..." and then the parents just oblige.

    I think it's good if a friendship develops as part of a business relationship but trying to start off a business relationship as a friendship is usually a recipe for disaster. I love and respect my helper and have always treated her fairly but she earned my friendship through her dutiful attention to her job. There were things she requested of me when she first arrived which I said "no" to and because of that a healthy set of boundaries were established.

    So, without respect it's impossible to have a good relationship with anyone--whether it's a working relationship or otherwise. I think your helper just disrespects you because she mistakes your leniency as foolishness.
    deduja likes this.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  8. #16
    charade is offline Registered User
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    I have one great helper and one pretty good helper. My helper is awesome with my kids, great at cleaning and running the house, okay at cooking and a wonderful person. Her sister who joined us is great with my baby daughter (but only just bonding with my toddler son), great at cleaning, cannot cook to our style yet and a nice person but not as outgoing as our first one. I am very happy with both of them and I hope they are happy with me. I have had part-time helpers before (one of my helper started out as a part-time) and I've never had a bad one.

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